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Going anon for this because I am about to offend the hell out of ASD parents

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children?
Do
Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism.

Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids?

Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids?

Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us

And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them.

Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids?

This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM
Replies (41-50):
Kerannmer
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Why are you generalizing about ASD parents? I am ASD mom, and guess what?

Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children? I've never thought that. I don't know of anyone who 'hates' my daughter.

Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism. I don't assume to know anything about the reasons for other kids' behaviors. My daughter was diagnosed after a long-testing process and I was incredibly thankful to finally have answers to all of our questions.

Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids?I don't take questions as a bash.

Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids? I can fathom that, again...I'm confused, lol.

Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us Just because my level of discipline isn't that same as yours, what works for your child, or up to your diciplinary standards doesn't mean we don't discipline our child. And you can look all you want, it's never bothered me. I'm concerned about my child, not your looks.

And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them. I don't think I have ever called anyone an ignorant bitch for wanting to know more about my child.

Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids? I care very much about everything that's going on in my child's classroom, including the NT kids. My daughter does not recieve "special treatment" and does not take time away from anyone. She does, however, recieve special services from SpedEd teachers who are on the payroll to do such a thing.

This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way I'm super curious as to why you think ASD parents think this way, too. Or is it just the ones you have met?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:28 AM

i get what the op is saying

just because they are autistic doenst give them special privileges to act like brats and when parents force the issue with regular classes and it disrupts non autistic children who is actually benefiting from it? and just because they do have autism doesnt mean they are allowed to act like holy terrors

if your child is having a meltdown then calmly leave. let your child calm down and dont make others listen to them scream. i dont allow my non autistic children to behave like heathens so even if they have a disability dont make them stay in a situation that is uncomfortable to them

notdown4games
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:28 AM
3 moms liked this
Niether of my boys are on the spectrum. I can't speak for parents whose children fall somewhere within the spectrum. I do however have a child who has obvious medical problems and scarring, and a couple of your questions could easily pertain to parents/children dealing with (as brandons school calls it) "differences".
1st you have a point. Generally when people ask questions its out of genuine curiosity. But what some people don't realize is that there are people who ask questions malisciously and mockingly, rather than as a way to acquire knowledge about our children. Try as we might to disregard these Douchey VonDouchenbergs (and not let those experiences color our future reactions/interactions) we are on guard and in protection mode as parents once we've encountered them. I welcome questions about Brandon and Pfeiffer syndrome. How else would people learn if they couldn't ask? But I admit, I stay guarded.
As for putting Brandon in main stream classes and pushing for equality........I do it because like all children, Brandon needs peer interaction. He needs to be socialized. He also strives to do better and be on the same level as his peers when he is in class. It helps him work up to his potential. I do not however expect his inclusion to be detrimental to his class mates. I am fully aware that Brandon has some limitations that he is working through. And when he's having difficulties with something, his teachers know to pull him and let him work it out in the s.e. room(so that the extra time and help he needs aren't detracting from the lesson plan or cheating his classmates out of time or help that they need).
I think there are probably a lot of mothers (asd or not) who feel the same. I just think that their defensiveness on these subjects probably stem from how quick some women on cm are to bash and judge. Its a defense mechanism. Hope that helps
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Retrokitty
by Jasmyne on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Oh I meant to add something like this! My disabilities teacher said parents would always come to him for advice. Sayings is this the autisim/down syndrome/ etc. and he said uh no that's just typical 10 year old behaviour. From my experience a lot of people mix that up.


Quoting Schleetle:

Well I'm not sure who you have been running into, but I'll just state my general feelings. I don't want my child treated differently. I expect him to behave, be respectful, and always try his best. He is capable (and I believe other ASD children are included in this too) of being just plain bratty - he's still just a kid. There is a huge difference between a meltdown caused by ASD, and a regular old fit. I don't excuse bad behavior, and really he's my most well behaved child anyway he almost never gives me trouble. I know that in general he has to work harder to do a lot of the things most kids his age are expected to do, but that just makes him a stronger person. I'm there to help him when he needs it, but I also push him to learn on his own. I don't typically get offended by questions, but the stigma around ASD right now does make me feel shitty if I think about it too much.

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lwalker270
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:30 AM
2 moms liked this

You didn't offend me; however, I really don't give a rat's ass about what anyone thinks about my parenting.  I'm confident in my parenting choices and if you (general) don't like the way I parent -- especially if you don't walk a mile in my shoes, then I really couldn't care less. 

It's really easy to sit back and judge another rather than have empathy for what another parent may be dealing with and I'm not speaking specifically to ASD.  


mom2ljh
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this
You get the award for the best answer.


Quoting CuriousArentYa:


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children? Yes.

Do

Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism. Yes



Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids? Yes



Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids? Please don't generalize. I have an open curious mind and can understand other people being the same way. 



Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us  I do believe that my husband and I are the reason two of our kids have autism as I feel it is genetics, but that is my personal opinon. Oh and btw my sons are disciplined and treated just like our "normal" kids. 



And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them. I have never called somebody an ignorant bitch. If anything, if somebody shows interest I try to give them the most accurate information I can but sadly nobody really can pinpoint much about autism, because of the variables. 



Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids? My son is in regular classes because he is too high functioning for the Special Ed, it would hold him back. There really isn't an "in between". His grades are modified. Trust me, I have issues that he is in class rooms with teachers who are not equipped to fully handle him if he has a meltdown. But he has a kick ass awesome guidance counselor who has been with him since he entered school and she knows how to handle and help him. 



This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way. It sounds like you had a bad run in and I am sorry, but truly not all of us act this way. 



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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:31 AM
I am as open minded as they come but WebMD can't tell me what 1st hand experience can.

Quoting Anonymous:

You should be more open minded and do your own research. 

rosaleeandtwo
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't mean you specifically but I've seen that statement on here a bit and was just admitting I probably respond to statements like that in a much more bitchy or defensive manner. My son has severe autism, sensory issues, OCD, trichotellomania, dermotelomania, anxiety issues and possibly seizures and he is still as well behaved (if not better behaved) than many boys his age. He is loud but he's never been more bratty than any "typical" child. And the only time he throws any kind of "fit" is with certain noises that cause him pain, but I would imagine feeling pain just from a noise could.make anyone cry if it hurt badly enough.


Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you. I have never blamed it on a lack of discipline. I am very curious about it because it is becoming increasingly popular and I like to know about the things and people I come in contact with.



Quoting rosaleeandtwo:

Sorry I don't know any ASD parent that assume everyone out there are ignorant morons. In fact a lot of people are beginning to be much more compassionate and caring towards my son than, say, 10 years ago when it was less understood.





And my son isn't mainstreamed. In fact I had to move to change districts to KEEP the from mainstreaming him. Its just not what he needs.





And I have no problem answering questions or giving info as long as its not being asked with the completely idiotic stupid assumption that asd has something to do with lack of discipline. That assumption was cleared up years ago by people that actually study these issues for a living.

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CuriousArentYa
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I have this issue. Our first born has autism and a lot of times I am scratching my head trying to figure out if certain things are hormones of a preteen, if it's the autism or just a combination. 

Quoting Retrokitty:

Oh I meant to add something like this! My disabilities teacher said parents would always come to him for advice. Sayings is this the autisim/down syndrome/ etc. and he said uh no that's just typical 10 year old behaviour. From my experience a lot of people mix that up.


Quoting Schleetle:

Well I'm not sure who you have been running into, but I'll just state my general feelings. I don't want my child treated differently. I expect him to behave, be respectful, and always try his best. He is capable (and I believe other ASD children are included in this too) of being just plain bratty - he's still just a kid. There is a huge difference between a meltdown caused by ASD, and a regular old fit. I don't excuse bad behavior, and really he's my most well behaved child anyway he almost never gives me trouble. I know that in general he has to work harder to do a lot of the things most kids his age are expected to do, but that just makes him a stronger person. I'm there to help him when he needs it, but I also push him to learn on his own. I don't typically get offended by questions, but the stigma around ASD right now does make me feel shitty if I think about it too much.


AdellesMom
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, I know this. Yes, I know and understand this as well. I don't prance around diagnosing every kid that has a bad day with Autism. It really isn't that simple of a diagnosis. Yes, I understand this as well. I'm open to answering questions, just as long as the person asking isn't coming off as rude and disrespectful.

In my experience, the not understanding parents are the ones that have children on the Spectrum. I realize that everyone out there isn't mean, and that some are empathetic. However, I have yet to experience it on a grand scale. I discipline my son. But, he's Autistic. I have to discipline him differently than the way I discipline my girls. Just because you (general) may not see me discipline him doesn't mean that I don't discipline him, and that I'm not going to discipline him.

As I stated earlier, I have no problem answering questions. Just as long as the inquiring mind isn't being an asshole. My son isn't in regular Ed classes. He is in a special needs class, and his classmates are Autistic. It works best for him, and for me as a parent.


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children?

Do

Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism.



Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids?



Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids?



Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us



And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them.



Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids?



This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way
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