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Going anon for this because I am about to offend the hell out of ASD parents

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children?
Do
Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism.

Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids?

Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids?

Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us

And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them.

Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids?

This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:03 AM
Replies (61-70):
BewitchedKisses
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm an ASD parent and I don't think that way.

No one has ever really hated my son. He's a good kid. He just doesn't handle social situations very well. He's a good boy and he tries very hard. Sometimes it's too much for him. He throws little tantrums in public sometimes, but I don't think that people hate me or him for it.

I also don't try to diagnose other people's kids. Sometimes kids are just effing brats and need some discipline.

I am thankful that my son is in a regular preschool class, but it's taken 2 years of early intervention therapies to get him to this point. He's learning social skills from those NT kids he's with and he doesn't cause any issues. His IEP is pretty low maintenance.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:42 AM
No your don't. It depends on your area though.

Quoting CuriousArentYa:

I would almost love to have this happen to me. I live in a bubble world though where I have never experienced half of the stuff that Cafemomers experience lol. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That has happened to me a few times. It is one of those things that turned me off against the parents.



Quoting sheramom4:

We were at Kohl's a few weeks ago shopping. DH was smacked into by two kids (around 5 and 7 maybe) who were running around the store. DH is disabled and unsteady on his feet (he was using his walker). He asked both kids where their mother was and was told by the older child she had told them to "go play." They were across the store from her and DH and I escorted them back to their mother. He explained to her what happened, the mother got very indignant, pointed at the younger one and said "He is autistic, so he can do what he wants." DH's jaw dropped to the floor. We don't care if the child was autistic, nor did that change why we brought them back to their mother. Our nephew is on the spectrum and we both a big kid lovers in general. It was because one, it was not safe for two kids of that age to be running free in the store and two, they were running into people and obviously were not mature enough to explore the store without running and causing a problem.



This is the first time we have run into this type of attitude from a parent and it shocked us. Had DH and I been bad people we could have simply walked out of the store with these kids and the mom wouldn't have noticed. They walked back to her with us willingly and seemed to have no clue about not going with strangers when we escorted them back to their mother.


momo3fgr8tteens
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

Same here and I worked in the school system for ten years teaching and had ASD kids in my regular classroom and never came across this or a parent who acted this way.  I think I live in a bubble as well. Never see people paying with fs or buying a cart of junk food with fs. 


Quoting CuriousArentYa:

I would almost love to have this happen to me. I live in a bubble world though where I have never experienced half of the stuff that Cafemomers experience lol. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That has happened to me a few times. It is one of those things that turned me off against the parents.

Quoting sheramom4:

We were at Kohl's a few weeks ago shopping. DH was smacked into by two kids (around 5 and 7 maybe) who were running around the store. DH is disabled and unsteady on his feet (he was using his walker). He asked both kids where their mother was and was told by the older child she had told them to "go play." They were across the store from her and DH and I escorted them back to their mother. He explained to her what happened, the mother got very indignant, pointed at the younger one and said "He is autistic, so he can do what he wants." DH's jaw dropped to the floor. We don't care if the child was autistic, nor did that change why we brought them back to their mother. Our nephew is on the spectrum and we both a big kid lovers in general. It was because one, it was not safe for two kids of that age to be running free in the store and two, they were running into people and obviously were not mature enough to explore the store without running and causing a problem.


This is the first time we have run into this type of attitude from a parent and it shocked us. Had DH and I been bad people we could have simply walked out of the store with these kids and the mom wouldn't have noticed. They walked back to her with us willingly and seemed to have no clue about not going with strangers when we escorted them back to their mother.




CuriousArentYa
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Oh yay something to look forward to lol. Actually I did wonder about this. We have an appointment with he neurologist this month and I plan on asking her some questions. He is starting to go through puberty now and in some ways mentall he does act like a twelve year old but in others he still has the mentality of a six of six year old so this really does make sense. 

Quoting TrouserMouse:

 This is a problem that all parents have regarding children with various disabilities.  It is hard to know when they are being challenged by their disability or if they are just being hormonal, obstinant teens. 

The bad thing about kids with various developmental disabilities is that they essentially go through two puberties.  They go through one physically at the average time and go through all the hormonal changes and then often go through a 2nd one around their early 20's that is more mental/developmental.  This is when they REALLY tend to push towards independence or start forming into what will be their adult version of themselves.  Of course, this varies per child. I am just speaking averages over what I have seen in my field.

 


EvilQueenMommy
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Thanks, I had no idea

Quoting Anonymous:

Autism sensory processing disorder


CafeMom Tickers

 "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."- Evelyn Beatrice Hall


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:48 AM
I don't know. Unless the kid bothers me and I ask the parents for help and they use autism as an excuse.

I never said that all kids who act up have autism. In fact I think the exact opposite.

Quoting TrouserMouse:

 I see quite the opposite.  Parents with children professionally diagnosed with ASD and receiving different forms of therapy/treatment are much more prepared to handle maladaptive behaviors in public than parents with NT children.  I can almost always tell when a child has ASD because the parents tend to respond in a very calculated way.  Parents of NT kids are usually the ones that respond poorly and erratically or don't respond at all.


 


When you see a parent not responding appropriately, how do YOU know the child has ASD?  It is like you are trying to say that all kids that act up have ASD and all kids that act up don't have ASD all at the same time. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:48 AM
You do understand that "normal" disciplinary methods don't usually work for ASD children. Do you know that what you may call non discipline, actually is just a different more effective way to discipline an ASD child.
angevil53
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Wow i agree and there was no bashing in this post. I have definitely seen this on cm. In real life though not so much. I have a close friend with a child on the spectrum and a cousin. They answer any questions etc without acting like everyone needs to bend over backwards for them. On cm it's like if you ask why your kid is teething four or five moms will show up with my asd kid was teething get him checked!!!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:50 AM
She pretty much answered how I would've except:

Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids?

I have not. The school made the decision to partially mainstream him. He is in a separate classroom learning when the NT kids are learning in theirs. He comes in the NT class to do art projects and such. He has his own aide, so he doesn't take the teacher's time up. He isn't disrupting the learning of NT children because he's not in the classroom at that time. The idea is that both special needs and NT children can learn things from each other. He is only in preschool, so we don't yet know if he will be able to be fully mainstreamed in the future.

It depends on the child. There are some children that are able to thrive in a mainstream classroom, but others that don't.

Quoting CuriousArentYa:


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you know that people with non-asd kids don't automatically hate your children? Yes.

Do

Do you understand that not every kid with a behavior issue is autistic? So stop trying to diagnose every brat with autism. Yes



Do you know that when we ask questions about your kids it is not to bash you or your kids? Yes



Why can't you fathom that people without ASD kids do try to understand you and don't hate your kids? Please don't generalize. I have an open curious mind and can understand other people being the same way. 



Why is it impossible for you to understand that we don't blame you for your child having ASD but if you refuse to discipline them because they are autistic then you will get looks. And its not beccause we hate your kid but because seeing a kid throw a tantrum in Walmart is bizarre to us  I do believe that my husband and I are the reason two of our kids have autism as I feel it is genetics, but that is my personal opinon. Oh and btw my sons are disciplined and treated just like our "normal" kids. 



And if someone doesn't understand and is trying to understand, calling them ignorant bitches will completely turn them off to you and your child. So when people are looking to learn, teach them. I have never called somebody an ignorant bitch. If anything, if somebody shows interest I try to give them the most accurate information I can but sadly nobody really can pinpoint much about autism, because of the variables. 



Why do you strive for equality for your kids by pushing them into regular ed classes but don't care about the NT kids. How are they equal if they get special treatment and take away from the NT kids? My son is in regular classes because he is too high functioning for the Special Ed, it would hold him back. There really isn't an "in between". His grades are modified. Trust me, I have issues that he is in class rooms with teachers who are not equipped to fully handle him if he has a meltdown. But he has a kick ass awesome guidance counselor who has been with him since he entered school and she knows how to handle and help him. 



This isn't a bash post. I am just super curious as to why ASD parents think this way. It sounds like you had a bad run in and I am sorry, but truly not all of us act this way. 


rosaleeandtwo
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:50 AM
From my experiences (and my son is almost 16 so ive had a few) parents that are "lazy" about disciplining a high needs child are often just as lazy about disciplining a "typical" child. So autism or not that parent could still be raising brats. I have never met a parent that didn't discipline JUST because their child had autism, but I've met a couple that seemed to not disciple ANY of their children with any consistency, which is a whole other issue IMO.


Quoting Anonymous:

i get what the op is saying

just because they are autistic doenst give them special privileges to act like brats and when parents force the issue with regular classes and it disrupts non autistic children who is actually benefiting from it? and just because they do have autism doesnt mean they are allowed to act like holy terrors

if your child is having a meltdown then calmly leave. let your child calm down and dont make others listen to them scream. i dont allow my non autistic children to behave like heathens so even if they have a disability dont make them stay in a situation that is uncomfortable to them


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