So, I was friends with my very best friend since freshman year of high school... we were super close, and always did everything together.
Then I got a boyfriend.
She didn't.
It didn't seem like a huge problem at first, but then things between us started changing. My boyfriend at the time (now SO) and I got an apartment, moved in together. We were getting closer and more serious. She was stuck at home, with her parents. We invited her to live with us.
Things were fine for about a year.
Second year passes and she moves out, giving us no advance notice.
Well, then my birthday comes and I go out to a bar to hang out with her. She drops a bombshell on me. My SO cheated on me with her. Terrible, right? We broke up. Everything we had together, done. I was upset. I didn't even think my best friend could lie to me.
Well, she did.
Time went by. I didn't want an explanation from him. I just wanted to be alone. Her story started changing. She confessed. It was all a lie. I was crushed. Lost my best friend and my boyfriend. Well, my boyfriend forgave me. (Which I really didn't deserve for being so hot headed) and we got back together soon after.
My best friend wouldn't acknowledge she'd done anything wrong. She thought he was 'wrong for me' anyway, so what was the harm? We stopped being friends.
Fast forward to now.
My SO and I are solid. He doesn't like her. I don't blame him. She's been trying to revive the friendship, but still won't even acknowledge she was wrong. I don't know what to do. When she needs me my first instinct is to be there, because that's what best friends do but I was betrayed and it's so different now. So when I feel like being there I also feel like I'm betraying my SO.
What would you do? I am at a loss. Mostly I just don't think I can be her friend again, but that feels so cold to me. I just don't know.
Edit:
She used the fact that 'she' joked about us having threesomes as reason for him to come on to her, and subsequently cheat on me.
Then she confessed that she was kind of bisexual, and kind of had feelings for me and just wanted to be with me. I get that she is confused, but it's just such a huge betrayal.
Anybody that conniving, I don't want anything to do with. It would ALMOST help if she would actually feel that what she did was wrong but she doesn't even believe that. Nope, don't need people like that in my life.
She was just never like that before. I don't understand. There were other issues though, and she did 'kind of' come out as a 'kind of' lesbian, and say she had feelings for me. It's just all so much, and as her friend I do feel like I should be there for her but... She started coming on to me, and I'm with my SO and I'm not gay so it was weird... and then she just wasn't my friend at all when she broke up my relationship.
And the fact that she hasn't even apologized or acknowledged that it was wrong really does bug me.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:Anybody that conniving, I don't want anything to do with. It would ALMOST help if she would actually feel that what she did was wrong but she doesn't even believe that. Nope, don't need people like that in my life.
For some reason the word manipulation keeps popping into my head. Do what you think is best. People change, I am not the same person I was in high school, now that I think about it, nobody I know is the same person they were in high school. . . She's NOT EVEN SORRY FOR THE PAIN SHE CAUSED YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!! Who needs friends like that? If she doesn't see what she did as being wrong, what stops her from doing it again?
Quoting Lalalie:She was just never like that before. I don't understand. There were other issues though, and she did 'kind of' come out as a 'kind of' lesbian, and say she had feelings for me. It's just all so much, and as her friend I do feel like I should be there for her but... She started coming on to me, and I'm with my SO and I'm not gay so it was weird... and then she just wasn't my friend at all when she broke up my relationship.
And the fact that she hasn't even apologized or acknowledged that it was wrong really does bug me.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:Anybody that conniving, I don't want anything to do with. It would ALMOST help if she would actually feel that what she did was wrong but she doesn't even believe that. Nope, don't need people like that in my life.
It didn't happen in HS, we were just friends from the beginning of HS... and I honestly don't think she has changed, but I could be wrong. I just have these stupid mixed emotions about it!
That's kind of what keeps me from going for it though, because she did manipulate my entire relationship and I was stupid to fall in to it.
I do think though, that maybe her apology was her excuse? Just a horrible non-apology apology.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:For some reason the word manipulation keeps popping into my head. Do what you think is best. People change, I am not the same person I was in high school, now that I think about it, nobody I know is the same person they were in high school. . . She's NOT EVEN SORRY FOR THE PAIN SHE CAUSED YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!! Who needs friends like that? If she doesn't see what she did as being wrong, what stops her from doing it again?
Quoting Lalalie:She was just never like that before. I don't understand. There were other issues though, and she did 'kind of' come out as a 'kind of' lesbian, and say she had feelings for me. It's just all so much, and as her friend I do feel like I should be there for her but... She started coming on to me, and I'm with my SO and I'm not gay so it was weird... and then she just wasn't my friend at all when she broke up my relationship.
And the fact that she hasn't even apologized or acknowledged that it was wrong really does bug me.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:Anybody that conniving, I don't want anything to do with. It would ALMOST help if she would actually feel that what she did was wrong but she doesn't even believe that. Nope, don't need people like that in my life.
I guess it just bugs me that now she's really lonely. I was the only one who would ever really be her friend, and I was the reason she made other friends but those friendships never stuck.
She still doesn't have friends, and she tries to guilt me about it since I have new friends.
I'm sorry that happened. It really is painful to be betrayed by someone who means something to you. I don't want it to happen again.
Quoting ksueditz:
You're setting yourself up to be hurt again. I had a friend like that. She DID sleep w/ my bf. I forgave her, and w/in a few years, she betrayed me again. If she truly wanted forgiveness, she would admit she was wrong. B/c then you could work through the hurt.
I knew that this didn't happen in high school, I was just responding to you saying "she was just never like that before" it sounds like you are pretty young and just outside of high school.
What would you tell me if I was asking you for your advice on this matter? Put your emotions aside and figure out what you would do outside looking in.
Quoting Lalalie:It didn't happen in HS, we were just friends from the beginning of HS... and I honestly don't think she has changed, but I could be wrong. I just have these stupid mixed emotions about it!
That's kind of what keeps me from going for it though, because she did manipulate my entire relationship and I was stupid to fall in to it.
I do think though, that maybe her apology was her excuse? Just a horrible non-apology apology.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:People change, I am not the same person I was in high school, now that I think about it, nobody I know is the same person they were in high school.
Quoting Lalalie:She was just never like that before.
Seems to me like she has shown you full and well why she is always alone, she destroys people around her.
Quoting Lalalie:I guess it just bugs me that now she's really lonely. I was the only one who would ever really be her friend, and I was the reason she made other friends but those friendships never stuck.
She still doesn't have friends, and she tries to guilt me about it since I have new friends.
I'm sorry that happened. It really is painful to be betrayed by someone who means something to you. I don't want it to happen again.
Quoting ksueditz:
You're setting yourself up to be hurt again. I had a friend like that. She DID sleep w/ my bf. I forgave her, and w/in a few years, she betrayed me again. If she truly wanted forgiveness, she would admit she was wrong. B/c then you could work through the hurt.
Yeah, I know you're completely right... I just don't understand why it bugs me so much!
It's like I feel bad for being a bad friend, but we aren't really friends anymore because she ruined our friendship... and now I'd just rather not even betray my SO by becoming friends with her and giving her another chance. He says it's up to me but I know he doesn't like her, and I don't blame him at all.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:I knew that this didn't happen in high school, I was just responding to you saying "she was just never like that before" it sounds like you are pretty young and just outside of high school.
What would you tell me if I was asking you for your advice on this matter? Put your emotions aside and figure out what you would do outside looking in.
Quoting Lalalie:It didn't happen in HS, we were just friends from the beginning of HS... and I honestly don't think she has changed, but I could be wrong. I just have these stupid mixed emotions about it!
That's kind of what keeps me from going for it though, because she did manipulate my entire relationship and I was stupid to fall in to it.
I do think though, that maybe her apology was her excuse? Just a horrible non-apology apology.
Quoting CuriousArentYa:People change, I am not the same person I was in high school, now that I think about it, nobody I know is the same person they were in high school.
Quoting Lalalie:She was just never like that before.
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"
- Lalalie
on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:25 PM