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I demoted my sister from MOH to bridesmaid UPDATE UPDATE 2

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Why? Because my wedding is 3 months away and she hasn't done anything. I'm really not being petty. I have to remind her to do everything, she didn't invite any of my SO's family to my wedding shower, the people she did invite she put their name in the "for" instead of mine, his family thinks I forgot about them now or I'm stupid and can't fill out an invite, every one offered to help her (me and my bridesmaids) she asked her friends to help her instead, she "forgot" to tell the bridesmaids about dress orders now they won't get their dresses until about a month before they wedding.







There is A LOT more but that was just the last 2 weeks.



She told my mom she did a bunch of stuff she didn't do (I have evidence) and my mom called me all sorts of names. So whatever anyone wants to bash me about my own mother has already.







Then my mom (after believing all of my sister's lies) asked MY SO who's side he was on and then talked shit about me to him.







Vent over. Bash away. I do feel bad about replacing her but I honestly believe she wasn't ready for this. My SO (and everyone else) told me to replace her months ago but she is my sister, I defended her for so long but I do not have time to fix everything she messed up or will mess up.





UPDATE: I have questions to answer. My sister offered to do the dress orders. I insisted that I did them but my sister cried to my mom and my mom texted me calling me a controlling bride-zilla. So I backed off. A lot of things I backed off from, it was slowly turning into my sister and mom's wedding. When I would step in, I was called names and my sister would cry.





New MOH is my SO's cousin and my friend of 10 years. We met at her wedding. She is who I wanted in the first place but again my mom was mean and my sister cried.





Those of you who do not agree with me, I still respect your opinion and thank you for taking the time to read my post.





Those of you who are being supportive, thank you. It does mean a lot to me even if I can't thank you all personally.







UPDATE 2: as the goes on I'm starting to find out more and more. My sister is ignoring me and SO asked if he could talk to her, my sister said "as long as it's not about what I did or didn't do" why is she avoiding the questions? Because this is what she has all our lives when she lies.



I'm even more mad she lied to me than anything else if she had done nothing and not lied about it she would still be MOH.



She wrote the new MOH a long letter and it's true she didn't do anything. She said "I just gave the invites to the main people and hoped word of mouth spread". Also, she was going hand out bachelorette party invites at the wedding shower. New MOH said a lot of her "ideas" were half baked and there is no way she could have pulled it off.
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by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 6:43 PM
Replies (101-110):
elliem87
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:08 AM
Thank you :)


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree however you can take away the responsibility witgout taking the title away. Why i get your feelings and that your mom and sister are real pieces of work but you need to think is this a big enough issue to cause such drama in your family and I can see this also causing issues for your actual wedding. I wish you the best and do what feels right. In the end it is your day.




Quoting elliem87:

I tried this approach. She continued to lie to me and every one else. In my work I do everything for everyone, I do not think expecting my sister to do what she offered to do is out of line. She needs to be held accountable for her actions.






Quoting Anonymous:

I wouldnt have replaced her i would have either had people help her or done it myself. She doesnt actually have to do the things you mentioned it isnt required but it is traditionally what they do and it is nice for them to do it but you can do it yourself or others can



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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

How about this traditionally the MOH Throws a shower for the Bride. (if you don't believe me read a book on wedding etiquette

Quoting Anonymous:

Bride doesn't have to have a shower. And I was MOH for my sisters wedding and I never had to do a thing. Well I did buy my plane ticket to go to the bahamas where they got married. Sorry but I think if you want stuff done, do it yourself.

Quoting Anonymous:

When the moh accepts that position they agree to throw a shower as well as helps the bride the bride doesn't have to do everything and its tacky for a bride to throw her own shower its "begging" for money or so I've been told



Quoting Anonymous:

Its YOUR wedding is it not? Shouldnt YOU be doing the work?


elliem87
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:16 AM
It's ok I use anon sometimes too


Quoting Anonymous:

Okay I wanted to clarify since some women think "anon" is always bashing. I just went anon because my sister is on here and my sisters MOH is too and didn't want them to see it lol. 

Quoting elliem87:

I put my answer to yours on the next post. I didn't think you were bashing me :)





Quoting Anonymous:

O and I'm not bashing u I was never asked to be it. I mean my mom and I did a ton for her wedding I'm actually glade my sister didn't pick me one of my best friends did and it was stressful and I was still in school. My best friend for 15 year's didnt ask me either but because her two sisters are the matron and maid. I understood because we talked about it. My Mom is doing her dress alterations and her flowers foe the wedding and I'm hosting a shower so it's not like I'm left out.





Quoting elliem87:

I understand where you are coming from.









Quoting Anonymous:

I wasn't Moh at my sisters wedding it upset me . She had her whore of a best friend as her moh . (The moh decided the wedding night to sleep w my now ex bf they met for the first time at the rehearsal dinner) I still hate the "woman" but o well.




My sister won't be my mohy best friend will be. I wanted a matron and a maid but they will both be married by my date.









Quoting Kaybean:

That wouldn't have mattered to me. A sister is a sister.













Quoting elliem87:

The new one does mean something too. She is SO's cousin and a friend of mine. We met at her wedding. I was going to make her MOH at first but my mom starting calling me names so I put my sister in that place. It came with way too much responsibility for her, she would tell me not to worry about this or that and said she was happy to do these other things. She asked for more stuff to do, but then I asked her about the other stuff she said she was going to do she hadn't done any of it.















Quoting Kaybean:

Again though, to me, asking someone to be your MOH isn't all about doing stuff. It's about what that person means to you. I wouldn't have cared if my sister didn't do squat. She still would have been my MOH because she's my sister and she means a lot to me. Your wedding though..

















Quoting elliem87:

I did try to get others to help her and I did help as well. I also told her what I felt about it. She said she would fix it. She did not. I just am done with the stress. Thank you for sharing your opinion :)



















Quoting Kaybean:

My sister was my MOH and if she wasn't getting stuff done, I would have had others help to make sure it got done and shared my feelings with her. I would not have ever replaced her though. To me, being the MOH isn't just about getting stuff done. It's about that person being very important to you. No one in this world would have been able to replace my sister and I wouldn't dream of having anyone else have that special place.














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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:16 AM

Fuck it all.

Head to Vegas.  Invite no one.

elliem87
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I think SO's family would kill me


Quoting Anonymous:

Fuck it all.

Head to Vegas.  Invite no one.


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opal10161973
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:25 AM

Just make sure to NOT depend on her to do ANYTHING else.  She will not do it, from I have read so far.  Is she your younger sister, by any chance?  I have found that sometimes younger sisters tend to act like this, not always, but enough that I noticed.

Quoting elliem87:

Thank you. I wish I could completely get her out of it but it would be even worse. Thank you for your support


Quoting opal10161973:

First, it's YOUR wedding, not theirs and you should have never let them 'bully' you into anything.  This is how this shit gets messed up to begin with, but now you know. The only one who will be crying at your wedding, is you if you don't get this fixed and ASAP. 

To me, it sounds like your sister was/is jealous and is doing everything she can to ruin your wedding for you.  So far, she has succeeded in messing up your shower, I'm glad to read that you removed her.  She sounds like a spoiled brat and attention seeker.  NO ONE needs that kind of monster as their MOH, or even a bridesmaid, IMO.  I would have demoted her OUT of the wedding party altogether after what she has already done.  GL and I hope the rest goes well.



helema24
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 ty. my wedding was different than the weddings i grew up seeing so it threw me for a loop. my dad was still a goober about "signing" me away (contract wedding due to faith). btw op id tell them both simmer down or neither are invited and give a packet of proof that your sister did virtually nothing!!

Quoting opal10161973:

Best man. 

Quoting helema24:

 she wa sthe moh and as a moh she should of dont everything save your dress and cake (just making sure the order is all set after the bride tastes) and decide on the location for the bridal party just as the grooms first man (blonde moment on the name for him) is to make sure the grooms party is all lined up.


 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this
My moh has been my friend for 15+ years and she wasn't able to do a lot of the stuff I needed done because I lived 3 hours away. Plus she had a lot of stuff going on too. When I was in town though she did everything I needed her to do. (Got married in my hometown). I'm sorry you're having to go through all the stress and anxiety with your wedding. You'll get no bashing from me!!
opal10161973
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this

That is not always done if the MOH has to fly in for the wedding and cannot make the arrangements for the shower.  It is not considered poor ettiquette- to ask a bridesmaid to do this or another close family member, who lives in town. 

Destination weddings often have a different set of rules, as well. Although, the bride should have made sure to hire a wedding coordinator to take care of that or used the destination's services for it, if it was hosted at a hotel, so the MOH would not have to throw a shower for the bride under those circumstances. 

In traditional weddings, the MOH would do throw the shower and a lot more.

Quoting Anonymous:

How about this traditionally the MOH Throws a shower for the Bride. (if you don't believe me read a book on wedding etiquette

Quoting Anonymous:

Bride doesn't have to have a shower. And I was MOH for my sisters wedding and I never had to do a thing. Well I did buy my plane ticket to go to the bahamas where they got married. Sorry but I think if you want stuff done, do it yourself.

Quoting Anonymous:

When the moh accepts that position they agree to throw a shower as well as helps the bride the bride doesn't have to do everything and its tacky for a bride to throw her own shower its "begging" for money or so I've been told



Quoting Anonymous:

Its YOUR wedding is it not? Shouldnt YOU be doing the work?



elliem87
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this
She is my younger sister haha


Quoting opal10161973:

Just make sure to NOT depend on her to do ANYTHING else.  She will not do it, from I have read so far.  Is she your younger sister, by any chance?  I have found that sometimes younger sisters tend to act like this, not always, but enough that I noticed.

Quoting elliem87:

Thank you. I wish I could completely get her out of it but it would be even worse. Thank you for your support





Quoting opal10161973:

First, it's YOUR wedding, not theirs and you should have never let them 'bully' you into anything.  This is how this shit gets messed up to begin with, but now you know. The only one who will be crying at your wedding, is you if you don't get this fixed and ASAP. 

To me, it sounds like your sister was/is jealous and is doing everything she can to ruin your wedding for you.  So far, she has succeeded in messing up your shower, I'm glad to read that you removed her.  She sounds like a spoiled brat and attention seeker.  NO ONE needs that kind of monster as their MOH, or even a bridesmaid, IMO.  I would have demoted her OUT of the wedding party altogether after what she has already done.  GL and I hope the rest goes well.





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