They got married for all the wrong reasons
Posted by Anonymous
- 12 Replies
I've always suspected but until this weekend I didn't know for sure that my husband married his first wife because he was ready to settle down and not out of love.
He also told me that they were fuck buddies and he never even took her in a date before they got married, that she was just looking for someone to be a daddy to her kids and he was just a drunk who figured he wouldn't ever find anyone better and since he was almost 30 decided she was the best he was going to get since no one wants to marry a drunk.
He's changed of course and been sober for 8 years but it makes me wonder if this is the case in a lot more marriages, that people get married not really our of love but because they want to settle down and don't think anything better will come around.
He also told me that they were fuck buddies and he never even took her in a date before they got married, that she was just looking for someone to be a daddy to her kids and he was just a drunk who figured he wouldn't ever find anyone better and since he was almost 30 decided she was the best he was going to get since no one wants to marry a drunk.
He's changed of course and been sober for 8 years but it makes me wonder if this is the case in a lot more marriages, that people get married not really our of love but because they want to settle down and don't think anything better will come around.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:33 AM
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by Anonymous
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Very true. Also the reason women settle for losers if they have kids. They don't think anyone will want them with baggage.
Also the reason my sister stays with her sperm donor, not because she loves him or even wants to be with him. She just feels that there isn't anyone better out there that will accept her with a child.
Also the reason my sister stays with her sperm donor, not because she loves him or even wants to be with him. She just feels that there isn't anyone better out there that will accept her with a child.
by
Gold Member
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this
i dont worry / spend much of my time worrying about stuff like that.
by
Platinum Member
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:39 AM
My DH married for the wrong reason before me. Live and learn, I guess.
by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:41 AM
And she did, I hate to call him that but he was a loser when they first started fucking and 2 years after they married.
He's not that kind of a person now, he adopted her children and he loves them and he's made sure to work his way up the ladder so he can provide a comfortable life for his kids but in the beginning he wasnt a good man.
It's just hard for me to understand that mentality, I want to marry for life and I realize if you marry someone simply because its convient the chances of that marriage lasting is pretty slim
He's not that kind of a person now, he adopted her children and he loves them and he's made sure to work his way up the ladder so he can provide a comfortable life for his kids but in the beginning he wasnt a good man.
It's just hard for me to understand that mentality, I want to marry for life and I realize if you marry someone simply because its convient the chances of that marriage lasting is pretty slim
Quoting Anonymous:
Very true. Also the reason women settle for losers if they have kids. They don't think anyone will want them with baggage.
Also the reason my sister stays with her sperm donor, not because she loves him or even wants to be with him. She just feels that there isn't anyone better out there that will accept her with a child.
by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:42 AM
I don't spend a lot of time worrying about that either but it is interesting and it makes me wonder and if that is the case then maybe there is something we can do as a society to lower the divorce rate.
Quoting AmaliaD:i dont worry / spend much of my time worrying about stuff like that.
by Anonymous
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:43 AM
I wonder if that is why my ex married me. Because I was his first real gf at 26. I had gotten out of an abusive relationship, dated another guy before him, but he was nice. I don't think I was ever madly in love with him, but he never yelled or hit me, so I took that for what a relationship should be. He was nice, hardworking, and safe. I had no kids prior, so that wasn't an issue. After my oldest was born, he started drinking, A LOT. Accused me of cheating on him with 2 of my best friends, and started finding reasons to not be at home. We broke up, divorced. I had 2 kids with him. I was surprised. Been almost 2 years and I have yet to find anyone who has had issues with me having kids. I think after 30, it's kinda expected. I have been dating my bf for 5 months and I have decided that I will not marry again until I'm madly in love with that person. Life is too short to settle.
by
Member
on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:47 AM
I think a lot of people do that. I think my father did, and my parents are still married after 48 years. He couldn't marry the woman he wanted because she was catholic and he was protestant (times have changed!!), so I think he just settled. I think he was very physically attracted to my mother, but he literally proposed to her after less than a week!! And she was 18 when they got engaged, with an alcoholic father and I think she wanted a man who could provide stability. My father is nearly 10 years older and he had a steady income with all his ducks in a row.
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Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!