Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I wrong?? I feel lied to UPDATED

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Update: when he came home, without my asking, he showed me the receipts from the bank. He said it took 5 mins @ the bank, he had to take money out and put into his bro's account as per lawyers request so he could show he has money, that's another matter that I do know about. He then returned the money back to our account all in a few mins. He asked why I'm suspicious. I said one day I feel like you will up and do something to cause a situation where our family will break up. I've been a Sahm for nearly 11 years. He earns well. My teaching job will get me 35 K to raise our kids. I don't know if I can count on him through the years because of these little things he does. He said he bought this big house for us, the cars, my staying home is for me and the kids. That we will grow old together. He said money isn't everything, and it shouldn't be the only thing to keep me feeling secure.

My dh went out this morning to drop his bro off to work. It only takes about 30 mins altogether, so when it was getting to be an hour I texted dh saying I will head out for errands since you're still not home. No reply from him.

i know he is also taking the same bro to the lawyer to sort out some things for the guy. I always suspect he is paying for the lawyer fees, but it is taboo in our home to bring it up. Apparently I am lucky to be  a Sahm, I'm taken care of and o are the kids.

when I left to do my errands, I had a nagging feeling he would be at the bank. No big deal, but I followed my gut and there is our car at the bank. I text him saying what's holding him up. He says he went to the sports store as the kids needed something etc. I said, ok I thought you were at the bank till a few mins ago.

he replies no.

I said, I saw the car there. He says I saw you drive off too, why are you spying on me? I don't know either. I knew he probably was taking money out to pay the lawyer. The same month, where he said he didn't have enough to give me my usual monthly spending money.

im hurt, I told him if I lied how would you feel? I'm your wife you should include me on what's going on. I unloaded a lot of feelings. Etc etc. we ended up in a huge fight. 


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

If you have your degree in teaching, why aren't you working?? If you don't trust him... maybe you should get your self working and a bank account started of your own. Being a SAHM mom is great but really, why not at least sub??  


If he is helping his brother with lawyer fees, what's wrong with that?? He is the one working outside the home.  You are capeable of getting job if you feel this is wrong.  If you need your allowance like you are his child, them maybe you should go out and earn a living.


Being a SAHM is not a job, it is a choice.

calvinsmommy18
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:20 PM

 if dh used our money to pay for something like that without asking me he'd be gone....or I would be gone, no way in hell is he going to spend large chunks of our money without my permission.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:22 PM

He supports his family by giving them about 1500 a month. They aren't told they can't have it...I still have young kids, one is at home preschool aged. My thinking is that since we decided I was staying home, raising the kids and caring for our house etc etc why am I not able to have this amount to myself as has been the case for 10 years...if I start working, I'm sure I won't be coming home to make these elaborate meals he enjoys so much. Not sure how we would deal with the kids since he leaves the country 20 days of the month to work.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you have your degree in teaching, why aren't you working?? If you don't trust him... maybe you should get your self working and a bank account started of your own. Being a SAHM mom is great but really, why not at least sub??  


If he is helping his brother with lawyer fees, what's wrong with that?? He is the one working outside the home.  You are capeable of getting job if you feel this is wrong.  If you need your allowance like you are his child, them maybe you should go out and earn a living.


Being a SAHM is not a job, it is a choice.


armstrong7984
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:27 PM
Quoting Anonymous:



In my marriage his money is Our money. We're married and are one we share everything in our lives. If someone does as u think they should then to me they are not whole hartedly married or even in marriage for the right reasons. My hubby's number one goal is for me his wife to be happy. And he puts me first and therefore before he makes a decision thinks of how it would affect me. I am an equal in his eyes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:30 PM

He feels since there is plenty to go around, I have no need to be upset.

Quoting armstrong7984:

Quoting Anonymous:



In my marriage his money is Our money. We're married and are one we share everything in our lives. If someone does as u think they should then to me they are not whole hartedly married or even in marriage for the right reasons. My hubby's number one goal is for me his wife to be happy. And he puts me first and therefore before he makes a decision thinks of how it would affect me. I am an equal in his eyes.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:31 PM

He is treating you like you are a child getting an allowance, not a full adult partner in the relationship.  What would happen if he died and you didn't know what he had done with your cash?  My husband died unexpectedly from natural causes when my children were 6 and 8, so it can happen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 5:34 PM

I'm not sure to be honest. All our bills and my monthly money comes from the same account. We have life insurance, unfortunately it is 50/50 for me and kids AND my mil.

Quoting Anonymous:

He is treating you like you are a child getting an allowance, not a full adult partner in the relationship.  What would happen if he died and you didn't know what he had done with your cash?  My husband died unexpectedly from natural causes when my children were 6 and 8, so it can happen.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:13 PM

Bump

Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:34 PM

 I would be really concerned as to why he is transferring money to his brother's account to make it look like he has money he really doens't.  That seems kind of shady to me. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:52 PM

He needs his work permit or a business visa, so the lawyer said he needs x amt in his account.

Quoting Diamepphyre:

 I would be really concerned as to why he is transferring money to his brother's account to make it look like he has money he really doens't.  That seems kind of shady to me. 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN