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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

S/O of playing house.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok, I have seen that a lot of women on here like to say that if a couple isn't married, they're just playing house. So, if a woman can't biologically have a child and the married couple adopts (or not married couple for that matter), that makes them "playing house" as well. If a couple needs to be married in order for the women on here to recognize them as a valid family, I think that a woman needs to biologically have a child in order to be a real mom.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:41 AM
Analogy, not metaphor.

Quoting Newmom8912:

This literally makes no sense bad metaphor


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:41 AM
Quoting Anonymous:



"No, it's not flawed. Not once did I say you're legally married if you're living together as a family. I stated that people on here like to discredit unmarried couples with children as a family. I have been told we're not a legitimate family, not a valid family, only "playing house". So, that to me means a family who adopts would also be "playing house" because their children aren't biologically connected to them."

Still don't get your comparison. I'd never tell someone their family isn't legitimate just because their relationship isn't a legitimate marriage, but I can understand how some people equal illegitimate relationship with illegitimate family.
An adopted child isn't illegitimate.
owl0210
by Emerald Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:43 AM
Oy vey
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Jalestra
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:43 AM

I wouldn't let it bother you. A woman said something similar in another thread and it seems she thinks a man should trade a ring for sex and kids. It's like to her marriage is a more complicated form of prostitution. Why would you care what someone like that thinks?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:45 AM


Except for the fact that when you bring children into the unwed relationship, everyone in the house is recognized as a legal family. On tax returns, the man can claim the woman as a dependant if she's a SAHM, you can file jointly, in my state, even though common law isn't recognized, she can go on his insurance policy from work. If they separate, he is responsible for "alimony"...I can't remember what it's called because it's not considered alimony, but if she's been a SAHM, she gets more than just child support. So, it sounds to me like they are legally a family, legitimately a family, a valid family.

Quoting danandsamsmom:


Adoption creates a legal relationships, along with the all the rights and obligations that go along with that relationship.  Except for the few states that recognize common law marriages, living together does not create a legal relationship.

Quoting Anonymous:


No, it's not flawed. Not once did I say you're legally married if you're living together as a family. I stated that people on here like to discredit unmarried couples with children as a family. I have been told we're not a legitimate family, not a valid family, only "playing house". So, that to me means a family who adopts would also be "playing house" because their children aren't biologically connected to them.

Quoting momto2boys973:

Your analogy, BTW, is severly flawed. If a couple adopts a child, that child is LEGALLY, their son or daughter. If you're living with a person that doesn't make you legally married.







raegansmom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:46 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't care either way, but I would think if you were trying to compare children with marriage, you would have to compare a child you have no legal right to to not being married. Neither one is viewed in the eyes if the courts as having legal benefits. Parents are legally viewed as parents when they adopt a child. Non married couples are not viewed as married if they are not. Again, I don't care what you do, but your analogy doesn't make sense to me.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:48 AM


YOU may not say it, but others on here DO say it. I have been told straight up that my family isn't valid, isn't legitimate because we're not married. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me one bit what strangers on here think and everyone I know knows we're a family...just as much a family as a married couple. I just think it's interesting that people say that, so I figured I'd throw out there that I don't think a family who adopts is a valid family. Yes, it may be a legal transaction, but that's what it is...you pay money and get a child. I buy alcohol, but that doesn't make me an alcoholic. You buy a child, doesn't make you a parent....

Quoting momto2boys973:

Quoting Anonymous:



"No, it's not flawed. Not once did I say you're legally married if you're living together as a family. I stated that people on here like to discredit unmarried couples with children as a family. I have been told we're not a legitimate family, not a valid family, only "playing house". So, that to me means a family who adopts would also be "playing house" because their children aren't biologically connected to them."

Still don't get your comparison. I'd never tell someone their family isn't legitimate just because their relationship isn't a legitimate marriage, but I can understand how some people equal illegitimate relationship with illegitimate family.
An adopted child isn't illegitimate.



momto2boys973
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:55 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

"YOU may not say it, but others on here DO say it. I have been told straight up that my family isn't valid, isn't legitimate because we're not married. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me one bit what strangers on here think and everyone I know knows we're a family...just as much a family as a married couple. I just think it's interesting that people say that, so I figured I'd throw out there that I don't think a family who adopts is a valid family. Yes, it may be a legal transaction, but that's what it is...you pay money and get a child. I buy alcohol, but that doesn't make me an alcoholic. You buy a child, doesn't make you a parent...."

Wow, just wow... So because you have some insecurity that makes you feel so pissed about what other think you then think it's OK to insult people that have either gone through the heartbreak of not being able to have children or have had the selflessness to give a home to a child in need? You CHOSE your lifestyle. Many parents who adopt it's their last option to raise a child.
I'll have you know I'm adopted and no one "bought me", I'm not a piece of merchandise. My parents lost 2 babies from a genetic condition, they watched them slowly die on the lapse of 2 years, choking to death. They couldn't risk going through that again so they adopted me. They're my LEGAL, LEGITIMATE PARENTS. You're not your partners legitimate spouse. Period. The 2 things aren't comparable. And the fact that you think they are put into question how certain you are of your life choices. Maybe do some introspection because you're defensive to the point of attacking others and that screams of doubts and insecurity.
danandsamsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:48 AM

 

You are referring to palimony.  Few states recognize palimony claims. The awarding of palimony is based on an oral contract for services between unmarried persons. It is not based on a familial relationship between the parties.  It is very far from being a sure thing in any state.

In community property states. a live in does not have community property rights in the even of a break up.  A live in can not collect social security based on the earnings of their live in relationship.

Your unmarried partner is not your next of kin in the even of an emergency.  Your unmarried partner does not have inheritance rights in the event of a death with no will.  Your unmarried partner does not have to sign off on someone else being made the beneficiary of their partner's 401(k) plan.  In my state, unmarried partners cannot adopt a child together.

I am sure that there are many more legal rights conferred by marriage that are not conferred by living together that I can't think of off of the top of my head.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Except for the fact that when you bring children into the unwed relationship, everyone in the house is recognized as a legal family. On tax returns, the man can claim the woman as a dependant if she's a SAHM, you can file jointly, in my state, even though common law isn't recognized, she can go on his insurance policy from work. If they separate, he is responsible for "alimony"...I can't remember what it's called because it's not considered alimony, but if she's been a SAHM, she gets more than just child support. So, it sounds to me like they are legally a family, legitimately a family, a valid family.

Quoting danandsamsmom:

 

Adoption creates a legal relationships, along with the all the rights and obligations that go along with that relationship.  Except for the few states that recognize common law marriages, living together does not create a legal relationship.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

No, it's not flawed. Not once did I say you're legally married if you're living together as a family. I stated that people on here like to discredit unmarried couples with children as a family. I have been told we're not a legitimate family, not a valid family, only "playing house". So, that to me means a family who adopts would also be "playing house" because their children aren't biologically connected to them.

Quoting momto2boys973:

Your analogy, BTW, is severly flawed. If a couple adopts a child, that child is LEGALLY, their son or daughter. If you're living with a person that doesn't make you legally married.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:26 PM


So paying money for something isn't purchasing it? Funny because last time I checked, that's how it works, be it groceries, a pet, a car, or a person. No, I'm not insecure about my life choices, just pointing out that one family is no less a family based on their dynamics.

Sorry for what your parents went through before they adopted you, but maybe that was God's way of telling them they shouldn't have children.

Quoting momto2boys973:

Quoting Anonymous:

"YOU may not say it, but others on here DO say it. I have been told straight up that my family isn't valid, isn't legitimate because we're not married. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me one bit what strangers on here think and everyone I know knows we're a family...just as much a family as a married couple. I just think it's interesting that people say that, so I figured I'd throw out there that I don't think a family who adopts is a valid family. Yes, it may be a legal transaction, but that's what it is...you pay money and get a child. I buy alcohol, but that doesn't make me an alcoholic. You buy a child, doesn't make you a parent...."

Wow, just wow... So because you have some insecurity that makes you feel so pissed about what other think you then think it's OK to insult people that have either gone through the heartbreak of not being able to have children or have had the selflessness to give a home to a child in need? You CHOSE your lifestyle. Many parents who adopt it's their last option to raise a child.
I'll have you know I'm adopted and no one "bought me", I'm not a piece of merchandise. My parents lost 2 babies from a genetic condition, they watched them slowly die on the lapse of 2 years, choking to death. They couldn't risk going through that again so they adopted me. They're my LEGAL, LEGITIMATE PARENTS. You're not your partners legitimate spouse. Period. The 2 things aren't comparable. And the fact that you think they are put into question how certain you are of your life choices. Maybe do some introspection because you're defensive to the point of attacking others and that screams of doubts and insecurity.



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