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Moms of kids with autism or anyone who can give some advice

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:30 PM
  • 10 Replies
Hi I am really looking for advice. I know they say this isn't the right group but there are tons of ladies so this might be my best chance

Here is the story

Last Thursday a child in 4th grade who's autistic was standing on the bus. My 3rd grade son touched his bag and reminded said child to sit down. ( my son was trying to keep him from getting a blue slip) the kid turned around grabbed my child by the neck of the shirt and put his fist in my child's face and threatened to beat him up.

I reported it to the school. The other family is pissed that he got detention ( normally it would be auto suspension)
They are also pissed at me because I said at his age he should know right from wrong as far as physical violence. They used his autism as an excuse for all of his behavior including racial slurs.... And also excused that language because he said the N word with an ah instead of an ER and lauged and said its different and doesn't mean the same thing. Then accused my son of threatening her child by putting his hand on the kids backpack...
Also told me her son has the mind set of a 6-7yr old, I have a 6 and 7 yr old and they still know better. Then she went further and blamed it on his ADHD , I have a child with ADHD and would never excuse his behavior based on his diagnosis he is still taught right from wrong.
That's the short version of the story

So my question is

Do your children know right from wrong at a 4th grade age so 9-10?
If your child threatened another child or caused bodily harm would you blame it on their diagnosis or make your child take responsibility for his actions?

I am trying to figure out if I am handling the situation correctly. She's been blowin up my fb all weekend long. And my cell phone

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by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommy980106
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:35 PM
2 moms liked this
My 11 year old 5th grader has PDD-NOS which is on the more mild end of the autism spectrum. He also has ADHD, along with numerous other health problems.
He knows better than to behave in that manner and would have serious consequences if he did.
We do not use any of his health problems as an excuse for bad behavior.
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ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:35 PM

Sounds like the Mother is making excuses for the child. My Son never attacked another child, and is gaining better control as he gets older. Even those with Autism need to know that there are consequences for their behaviors that are violent. My Mother was my Sons enabler...she tried to excuse everything. I treated him as normally as possible. Maybe I am just lucky, but at 15 he is a very fun pleasant young man. Some social issues but highly intelligent.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:36 PM

Yes. My DS is Autistic and if I got a phone call from school that he had done that he would be in trouble. I would also make him apologize to the child as well. That is no excuse. Now if he screamed at the child and said don't touch me I wouldn't be upset.There are some things I Wouldn't be upset over that are normal behaviors for a child on the ASD. That child should have been punished appriately.  There is right from wrong. We always go over the rules and make sure our son understands. We have him repeat what we said to make sure he understands. Racial slurs are learned.

lhiannan
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:38 PM

 My son is autistic and in 5th grade-he would NEVER do something like that to someone.  The worst he's done is slide books to hard on his desk out of frustration, and the book hit someone.  Autism is NOT an excuse to ignore teaching right from wrong.  Yes, they do have impulse control issues, but the parents allowing his diagnosis to excuse his behavior is wrong, and worse that they seemed to just brush it off.

Refurbished
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:53 PM

Autistic or not, he needs consequences and not justifications for his behavior. 

ozzyswifey
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:02 PM

I hate when parents use that excuse My son is 7 autistic  and he has never ever laid a hand on anyone. He knows right from wrong.

keeler_s
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:10 PM
Yes when she was saying things it was not "normal" or your kid is "normal" I am so annoyed and actually pretty pissed off.

She is a friend of one of my good friends and I unfortunately don't think I can get completely away from her


Quoting ozzyswifey:

I hate when parents use that excuse My son is 7 autistic  and he has never ever laid a hand on anyone. He knows right from wrong.

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ozzyswifey
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 2:22 PM

 

They think its a get out of jail free card but what they are really doing is telling their kid anything u do is fine even if u have no self control just tell them your autistic. When in reality no its not ok and everything u do has consequences. I know I don't want my son thinking he is above or beneath anyone because he is autistic.

Quoting keeler_s:

Yes when she was saying things it was not "normal" or your kid is "normal" I am so annoyed and actually pretty pissed off.

She is a friend of one of my good friends and I unfortunately don't think I can get completely away from her


Quoting ozzyswifey:

I hate when parents use that excuse My son is 7 autistic  and he has never ever laid a hand on anyone. He knows right from wrong.


 

bumNmoos_mom
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:02 PM

It depends on what part of the spectrum... My son is high functioning and he is 7, he deffinately knows right from wrong. I believe that when you allow yourself and your children to use the Autism diagnosis then you are setting your child up for failure in life and are only looking for an easy way out. I would not blame it on my sons diagnosis, but then again he is high functioning and not as severe as other children. Either way all kids have rights to being safe and feeling safe. I would take it to the school district. We have the opposite prob, my son gets bullied.. No fun, but he shrugs it off, he really doesn't pay any mind to it but I do. 

keeler_s
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:57 PM
Their son is also high functioning. He's very intelligent as well. IMO its bad parenting on her part.

Quoting bumNmoos_mom:

It depends on what part of the spectrum... My son is high functioning and he is 7, he deffinately knows right from wrong. I believe that when you allow yourself and your children to use the Autism diagnosis then you are setting your child up for failure in life and are only looking for an easy way out. I would not blame it on my sons diagnosis, but then again he is high functioning and not as severe as other children. Either way all kids have rights to being safe and feeling safe. I would take it to the school district. We have the opposite prob, my son gets bullied.. No fun, but he shrugs it off, he really doesn't pay any mind to it but I do. 

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