Eta/ our plan ,,,Your kid is not a maid, and she's certainly not suppose to be second parent.
They live 3 blocks away.
She has 3 kids.
I'll call them A. B. and C.
A Is 10, b is 6 and c is 2.
Every time I'm over their A is doing "chores". Now, it's normal to have kids do some chores. But it's normal for them to do all this house work.
This girl is vacuuming, mopping, cleaning crayon off of walls, doing laundry, washing dishes, everything !
And thats the stuff I see her doing when her mother is HOME.
I asked sil about it, and she said,
"I have 3 kids and I work, she's just going to have to get use to helping out around here"
Last night I discovered she frequently leaves them home alone, leaving a to watch her kids.
It was around 5 last night, the phone rang
It was a.
She said "can you come over? Moms not home yet, I can't use the stove when she isn't here and B and C are hungry."
I told DH and Ofcourse I went over there as fast as I could.
When I got there I knocked and a yelled "just a second"
She opened the door, I walked in and b and came running into the living room naked and dripping bubbles on the floor.
I asked what they were doing and she said
"I was giving them a bath while I cleaned up the bathroom. Now I just gotta get Then dressed and finishe moms room"
That right there shocked me enough.
This 10 year old really was Home alone having to play mommy with her younger siblings.
I got the Los dressed.
I told her to sit down and watch tv with them while I made dinner.
I talked to a and she said that she always watches b and c whil sil works, but that usually theres things for sandwiches and cereal since she's not suppose to use the stove.
At 9 sil came home. B and c were asleep.
She looked at me and said "what are you doing here this late?"
I said "where were you?"
Her- I was at work, now what are you doing in my house?
Me- A called. They were hungry and there wasn't anything she could make without the stove. Why are you leaving them here while you work? You can't leave a ten year old to watch a 6 year old and a 2 year old.
Her- yes, I can. I can't afford day care or a baby sitter. It's should not be a problem for her to watch her brother and sister while I'm at work. It's not my fault she called you. I'm a single mom. I can't do everything. She's old enough to help out.
Me- she's 10. She's isn't a maid. She isn't suppose to be a second parent.
She can't be held responsible for your other kids.
Her- like I said. Cant afford a sitter and she doesn't have a problem with it.
Me- if you can't afford a sitter then just bring them to my house. You know im always home. And I wouldn't mind watching them.
Her- ill think about it.
Btw none of that was yelling.
So I went home.
This morning she called and said
"I talked to a. She doesn't have a problem watching b and c so you don't have to worry about it"
SHE IS 10
It's not her fault you had two more kids
It's not her fault that none of the fathers stuck around.
It's not her fault that you're a single parent.
YOU CAN NOT LEAVE A 6 year old and 2 year old with a 10 year old.
She too young for you to let her use the stove without supervision, there is no way she should watching ANY KIDS!!!!!
She did not force you to keep having sex and get pregnant. She shouldnt be having to take care of your kids.
Come on! Kids aren't maids, they aren't butters, they aren't house keepers and they certainly aren't suppose to double as a second parent!
Eta: here is our plan.
I know her work schedule
I'll take dd And go over and when she leaves.
DH will come over when he gets off work.
We will do this every time she works.
There's no other family around so this is going to be out intervention type thing.
I'm hoping she will get the memo and realize it is not ok to leave a with the kids