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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

its been almost a year

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

since DH and I have had ANY type of intimacy :( - last time was on our anniversary, how sad is that?  I am constantly being turned down, he says the meds he is on kills his sex drive.  he also told me he would talk to the doctor but hasn't.  I feel SO disconnected from him and I hate this feeling.  what would you do in this situation?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Replies (71-79):
lovnmy3boys
by Paula on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:42 PM

He needs help, maybe counseling??

The meds aren't helping I'm sure, but you shouldn't be going without sex...

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM

 

he takes them as prescribed but he definitely does not need such a high dose of meds. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Just a thought but maybe he is having issues with the pain meds, he is on a huge does and that can cause issues with dependency and tolerance. His receptors are overloaded with opiates so he stops producing his own.
Has he gone through his meds quicker than he should? Is he taking more then has to space them out before his refill as to not run out?
What kind of medical issues does he have that requires such heavy duty opiates? Is pain another issue? Eventually he will be in more pain from taking the opiates.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am thinking a lot of his pain is "mental" at this point.  he has been on heavy duty pain meds for over a year - he needs to get off them I think

 


Quoting Grumpylilpixy:

I  don't know hardly anything about pain meds. I usually take them only when I am in a lot of physical pain and I usually don't want sex when I am in pain regardless if I have a pain pill or not.

Hubby says he gets more sexual on pain meds. But back in the day he popped them just to pop them.

 


 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:29 PM

 I know to never say never but I really do not think he is cheating.  I pretty much know where he is all day - at home doing nothing!!


Quoting Anonymous:

I usually dont say, hes cheating but it sounds like hes cheating. I would either hire and investigator or try to get into counseling to get to the root of the issues. Good luck.


 

misskriss10
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

I agree with some of the pp's. I would set him up an appointment and make him go. Just let him know how much it would mean to you to have your intimacy back. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 15 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Honestly, I would be fine with it. I, like your husband, have no desire.  I don't have any adivce.

TDMumof3
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:56 PM
This is not an answer only causing more problems. give him time. Reassure him that youll wait. my husband and i went through the same thing a couple years ago but in reverse it was me going through alot. he did exactly what im telling you to do. hell eventually come around

Quoting Anonymous:

Accidentally cheat.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 16 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 8:15 PM

So recently we had a bit of a dry spell (3 weeks is no year though) and I had been turned down like 4 times sd he just wasn't feeling well so.........he was downstairs in the recliner watching tv after the kids were in bed. I walked down without preamble, stripped down, and climbed on top of his ass without asking. That did the trick but........I supposed it could backfire as I don't know what I would have done if he still said no. That would not have been pretty!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Oh I just re-read. I didn't even notice the meds part. Can he possibly get something that counters it? Maybe to help him want it a little bit more?

Quoting Anonymous:

 I know to never say never but I really do not think he is cheating.  I pretty much know where he is all day - at home doing nothing!!


Quoting Anonymous:

I usually dont say, hes cheating but it sounds like hes cheating. I would either hire and investigator or try to get into counseling to get to the root of the issues. Good luck.




ohmybaby
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:22 PM

I don't think anyone should "have to" tolerate repeated rejection with no end in sight.  Maybe what I said came out wrong... idk.  All I ment was... you are in one of those situations where you have one choice or the other.... keep trying or stop trying.  You asked what we (the readers of your post) would do.  I gave my best answers.  If I were you I would keep trying to figure out what the problem was... but I woudn't necessarily keep making "moves" on a man who acted disinterested.  Your husband needs help and he may need a big shove in the right direction to get it.  I wish you both luck. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think it is fair for him to expect me to keep asking for intimacy when he turns me down, how much rejection should I take?  I appreciate your comments and will talk to him about seeing his doctor again

 

thanks so much.

 

Quoting ohmybaby:

OK one more thought.... your husband made a comment that "if you kissed him like that more often.... blah-blah"  was a terrible comment to make.  He is obviously blaming you for the lack of intamacy.  It doesnt sound like it's all your fault.  It could be the fact that his Dad died, it could be the meds, it could even be your unwillingness to keep trying to be intimate when while he's turning you down.  it could be everythin or it could be nothing.... amybe it's just him.  Since you have had a good prior reltionship I suspect it's one or more of the first three things mentioned.  But that's not to let him off the hook.  It he wants intamacy back he has to work for it too.  Insist he get counceling or read a book on grief.  Insist he talk to his Dr about both his grief AND his medication.  Maybe the Dr has other suggestions or could change his precription.  Last... open that communication up so the two of you can work this out.  Like I suggested... tell each other what you like.  It's better than acusing words like you never, you don't kiss like... etc.

 

 


 

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