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How can we announce my pregnancy when SIL just found out she can't have any of her own? UPDATE WITH MINE AND DH'S DECISION

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 164 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What would be the most appropriate and sensitive way to do this?

Options:

Only invite MIL and FIL and let them tell SIL and BIL

Invite everyone but call SIL and tell her about it privatly so she can prepare, but of course invite her too

Invite everyone, including SIL and don't tell SIL before hand, that might actually make her feel worse

other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 205

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I am pregnant with mine and DH's 3ird child. We have a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old. MIL and FIL asked us over for dinner last night, being the fact that I am now 13 weeks along, we felt it would be a good night to share our news (it wasn't for any one's birthday or anything so we thought it would be perfect so that we can tell everyone in person yet we are not taking over some one's birthday party, you know?).

Before we could tell everyone our happy news, MIL asked SIL how her doctors appointment went. SIL started crying and said that the doctor told her she has something called a T shaped uterus ( I think that's what she said anyway) but basically it means she wouldn't be able to carry a baby. Her and her DH have been trying for close to a year now and she hasn't gotten pregnant, which is why she went to the doctor to get checked out in the first place.

Everyone was so upset about it, clearly, it wasn't the time for the announcement. BIL (DH's and SIL's brother not SIL's DH) was trying to help make her feel better  by making suggestions like hire a surrogate or adoption but it was only making it worse because they would have to save for a while for either option (way longer for a surrogate because adoption is less but you wait a lot longer for adoption). So either way, after a year of trying, they are facing the reality that it will be servile years before they have a baby.

Here is my problem, with this being my 3ird baby, I am already showing, luckily I wore a bigger shirt last night, you couldn't see it. But MIL's birthday party is in 3 weeks and by then, I will certainly be showing in just about anything I wear and it just feels like at 16 weeks, everyone should know.

I am thinking about having everyone over to dinner at our house next week to make the announcement.

We have decided that I will call SIL when I know she will be home and let her know about the pregnancy (I thought about telling her in person but many of you suggested that doing so might make it harder on her). I will tell her that the dinner party is to announce the pregnancy and while we would love if they could attend, I will understand if she isn't ready for that so I will leave it up to them. I will also of course, ask her not to mention it to anyone in the family.

For those who suggested I offer to be her surrogate, that is just not going to happen. I would just not be able to do it.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mipsy
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:58 AM
6 moms liked this

Don't invite anyone over and make it a huge deal. Just call them and let them know. 

-_-
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:58 AM
2 moms liked this
Tell her first. Give her some time to decide whether or not she can be there for the announcement.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
It is what it is. I would tell her privately, to give her a chance to prepare, and then just announce it.
sampson200
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:58 AM
3 moms liked this

It's your 3rd child; just call your parents and let them know.


Aslen
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:59 AM


AGREED! Tell your SIL before you tell anyone else. Tellher ALONE, and tell her why you wanted her to know first. Don't just spring it on her

Quoting -_-:

Tell her first. Give her some time to decide whether or not she can be there for the announcement.



Saintsational
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:59 AM
3 moms liked this
I would tell SIL in person, rather than over the phone, prior to your announcement.
edelweiss23
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't make a big deal about it.
Wear something cute, and if someone asks, confirm.
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RigPrincess85
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:00 AM
This.

Quoting -_-:

Tell her first. Give her some time to decide whether or not she can be there for the announcement.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LaughingTattoo
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:00 AM
4 moms liked this

Whatever you do, dont make a big deal of the announcement, meaning NO, absolutely no dinner or get together for it.

Second, tell her first and her alone. Then give it a few weeks before telling everyone else discretely.

From there, dont bring it up unless asked

-_-
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:01 AM
But don't tell her over the phone. Ask her over at a time the two of you can sit and talk quietly.
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