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I need some advice. friendship related.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

 

Poll

Question: should I go see her?

Options:

no

yes

IDK, that's a tough one


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Total Votes: 35

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So, I have this friend, well kind of ex-friend, that lived with me a few years back. We were actually really good friends before that but once she moved in she and her fiance started talking bad about my husband and started a ton of rumors about us to deflect the attention from all the crazy crap they were doing. I let them move in, along with their 6 kids, with the understanding that they would pay $50/week in rent (to help with the extra utilities they would use while living here), and they would buy their own food and hygiene supplies.

I would cook if they wanted me to and they would be sure to keep their mess cleaned up. well, it got to where I was cooking all the time, and having to buy most of the food...and they weren't cleaning anything. They were getting over $1,000/month in fs but mostly buying junk that they would hoard in their room. they were barely contributing anything but milk, hot dogs, mac n cheese, and ramen noodles to the household pantry...btw the only thing Of those items that I buy for my family is milk. PLUS, they would skip on the rent money they were suppose to be paying me at least once a month.

they were here for 13 months btw. my house was a total wreck while they were here...I couldn't keep up with the messes they were making and allowing their children to make. Plus my kids were being mistreated behind my back. Not to mention it took me 4 months to finally convince them to leave. after which I found out that they'd gotten a tax return several months prior for over $12k (and they told me at the time they owed taxes and would not get a refund so they couldn't pay me the money they owed me and they couldn't afford to move out or buy themselves a car...so I was stuck lugging them and their kids everywhere).

Anyway, there's so much more but I'm trying to keep it short... all of that being said, she is currently in the hospital having baby #8. We have barely spoken since she moved out and the couple of times I've tried to set up play dates it's been awkward.The thing is I really was heartbroken at how the situation between us turned out and they kind of friend she ended up being. because I was her REAL friend...no restrictions. but she was only my friend as long as I was doing for her and buying her maternity clothes and nice "mommy" gifts and necessities...and buying her kids thousands of dollars worth of clothes, food, toys, furniture, school supplies, etc... I was the one who threw all of her baby showers AND bought nice shower presents for her...

My question is, should I go see her in the hospital (as I have with all of her other babies) or just cut my losses?? I want to have closure on the situation and never want her to be able to legitimately say I wasn't a good friend...but is it really worth it?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:21 AM

bump

lucky2Beeme
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:22 AM

cut your losses once she couldnt use you anymore she had no use for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:24 AM

sadly, I am thinking you are right :(


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

cut your losses once she couldnt use you anymore she had no use for you.


wallmom1
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

I always tell my kids that when it is too much work to be friends with someone it is time to end it.  I have had to do that in the past and it sucks, But you have done all you can, more than most would have, but I think it is time to cut your losses.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Sadly I'd cut your losses. You were a good friend to her, she didn't so much return that respect. If you want closure in the friendship, I don't think the hospital after having her baby is the place for the closure.
mantyangel
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:27 AM

Cut your losses honey...she sounds like she is a user and will find anyway to pull your heart strings.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:28 AM

Thank you. I appreciate that perspective

Quoting wallmom1:

I always tell my kids that when it is too much work to be friends with someone it is time to end it.  I have had to do that in the past and it sucks, But you have done all you can, more than most would have, but I think it is time to cut your losses.


lovemysnugbugs
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:29 AM
You sound like a good person. She doesn't. I would cut my losses and not bother with the friendship any longer.
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xanayda
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Unfortuately i agree. :(

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

cut your losses once she couldnt use you anymore she had no use for you.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I agree. It's just hard because i really do...or did...love her and her kids like family. I was in the room with several of her births and I want to be there for this one but I just don't hink I can

Quoting Anonymous:

Sadly I'd cut your losses. You were a good friend to her, she didn't so much return that respect. If you want closure in the friendship, I don't think the hospital after having her baby is the place for the closure.


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