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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

S/O BM picking a different day to get married.

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It is immature and stupid to behave this way. Your children are not your damn toys that you play keep away with.

Together, divorced, or just plain didn't work out life still happens. Some things you can control, and other things that are completely out of you control.

If something has to change because it is out of everyone's control then be adults and make it work.

If something has to change that is in control of everyone then be adults and figure it out. As long as it is planned well in advance.

The only people that lose in this are the children.

So here's a thought grow up and behave like adults so you children are never forced to choose.
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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:20 PM
Replies (21-30):
milmomma2006
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:26 PM

 Aww, don't feel that way! You didn't fail him. He wanted to go back to his father, like any kid would. There;s no way any of you could have known this would happen again. Hugs!! Keep your chin up, you are doing what is best for him and I'm sure he doesn't blame you for anything!


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I regret ever allowing my brother to have custody again. I waited almost 2 yrs before agreeing to let him have them again after his 5 year vacation. Plus I asked the kids if they wanted to live with him again and they really did.

I feel like I failed him by allowing it.


Quoting milmomma2006:

Oh my! I'm sorry that you all are going through that!! I'm glad he has you though!



It definitely makes me sick to hear things like the other post!




Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Neither can I. I took custody of my brother and ex-SIL's 3 children because they continued to behave this way. Neither one wanted the kids but used the against one another and both took a 5 yr vacation from them. This is the second time that I have had them and they aren't leaving until college.





I love them as much as I do the children I gave birth to but because of the bullshit they were put through I have a angry 17 yr old son that is cutting himself. He has gotten better because I love him and he is getting counseling. His grades have dramatically improved. But he is still paying for what they did.





It makes me want to kill both of them.






Quoting milmomma2006:

Seriously! It's so dumb!! DH and I both have a child from our previous relationship and we have to deal with their biological parents on a regular basis. We have NEVER had issues like this because we act our age and put our childrens' best interests first! I just don't understand how a parent, biological or step, could not do that!!








Quoting CrazyLife1996:

It is stupid how immature parents are when it comes to visitation and everything else that involves the children.










Quoting milmomma2006:

AMEN!!!!!!!






That is exactly what I said in the other post! It's sad really, and I feel so bad for the children in this situation!







 

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:31 PM
I wouldn't blame him if he does blame me too. I had the power not to let him go back but I did let him go back.

I guess my small bonus is neither of their patents get more than a 1/4 of their paycheck now. I put the money in trusts for them.


Quoting milmomma2006:

 Aww, don't feel that way! You didn't fail him. He wanted to go back to his father, like any kid would. There;s no way any of you could have known this would happen again. Hugs!! Keep your chin up, you are doing what is best for him and I'm sure he doesn't blame you for anything!




Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I regret ever allowing my brother to have custody again. I waited almost 2 yrs before agreeing to let him have them again after his 5 year vacation. Plus I asked the kids if they wanted to live with him again and they really did.

I feel like I failed him by allowing it.



Quoting milmomma2006:

Oh my! I'm sorry that you all are going through that!! I'm glad he has you though!



It definitely makes me sick to hear things like the other post!





Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Neither can I. I took custody of my brother and ex-SIL's 3 children because they continued to behave this way. Neither one wanted the kids but used the against one another and both took a 5 yr vacation from them. This is the second time that I have had them and they aren't leaving until college.





I love them as much as I do the children I gave birth to but because of the bullshit they were put through I have a angry 17 yr old son that is cutting himself. He has gotten better because I love him and he is getting counseling. His grades have dramatically improved. But he is still paying for what they did.





It makes me want to kill both of them.







Quoting milmomma2006:

Seriously! It's so dumb!! DH and I both have a child from our previous relationship and we have to deal with their biological parents on a regular basis. We have NEVER had issues like this because we act our age and put our childrens' best interests first! I just don't understand how a parent, biological or step, could not do that!!









Quoting CrazyLife1996:

It is stupid how immature parents are when it comes to visitation and everything else that involves the children.











Quoting milmomma2006:


AMEN!!!!!!!







That is exactly what I said in the other post! It's sad really, and I feel so bad for the children in this situation!









 


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milmomma2006
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 I can see where you're coming from. I can't say that I wouldn't have let him go back if I was in the same position, though.

Lol, that is definitely a bonus! And good for you for putting them in the trust fund, that's a great idea!


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I wouldn't blame him if he does blame me too. I had the power not to let him go back but I did let him go back.

I guess my small bonus is neither of their patents get more than a 1/4 of their paycheck now. I put the money in trusts for them.


 

 



 

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this
I really don't need a dime from them. Even if we cut our income in half I still make a lot more than both of them put together. I only pushed for it to hit them where it hurt them most in their pocket.

My lawyers are good. This continues until the finish college including graduate school.


Quoting milmomma2006:

 I can see where you're coming from. I can't say that I wouldn't have let him go back if I was in the same position, though.


Lol, that is definitely a bonus! And good for you for putting them in the trust fund, that's a great idea!




Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I wouldn't blame him if he does blame me too. I had the power not to let him go back but I did let him go back.

I guess my small bonus is neither of their patents get more than a 1/4 of their paycheck now. I put the money in trusts for them.


 


 





 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:54 PM

yeah, Like I said.. it's nice when people can be flexible, but when you know it's not happening why set yourself up for the drama. We made sure our wedding was on our weekend, but we got back from our honeymoon at 10pm on the following Friday night. They had originally agreed to meet my MIL but suddenly changed their minds and they had a fit when I said the best I could do was get him to them Saturday morning. so I had to pull some strings and thankfully have amazing family--- and end up that BD wasnt even in the same state over that weekend (it was Father's Day weekend). Some people are just assholes to be assholes.

Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I do agree that if it is in your control to plan on your weekend but there are reasons that it has to fall on the other parents weekend.

As long as it is well in advance then making a change every now and then shouldn't be a huge deal either.


Quoting PaperClip811:

Im with you on that. I think it would be nice for people to be flexible, but when that's not possible, make an effort to avoid the drama! I have never planned something on BD's weekend. I have asked, weeks in advance, to switch due to something where I had no control over the schedule, though. I made sure my wedding was on MY weekend.

Quoting Anonymous:

I say make sure whatever you plan is on your weekend. Don't switch things up and go by the court order.




CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I definitely understand that. At least you were able to get it worked out without a lot of drama.

I just think the eye for and eye is bullshit.


Quoting PaperClip811:

yeah, Like I said.. it's nice when people can be flexible, but when you know it's not happening why set yourself up for the drama. We made sure our wedding was on our weekend, but we got back from our honeymoon at 10pm on the following Friday night. They had originally agreed to meet my MIL but suddenly changed their minds and they had a fit when I said the best I could do was get him to them Saturday morning. so I had to pull some strings and thankfully have amazing family--- and end up that BD wasnt even in the same state over that weekend (it was Father's Day weekend). Some people are just assholes to be assholes.

Quoting CrazyLife1996:

I do agree that if it is in your control to plan on your weekend but there are reasons that it has to fall on the other parents weekend.



As long as it is well in advance then making a change every now and then shouldn't be a huge deal either.





Quoting PaperClip811:

Im with you on that. I think it would be nice for people to be flexible, but when that's not possible, make an effort to avoid the drama! I have never planned something on BD's weekend. I have asked, weeks in advance, to switch due to something where I had no control over the schedule, though. I made sure my wedding was on MY weekend.

Quoting Anonymous:

I say make sure whatever you plan is on your weekend. Don't switch things up and go by the court order.






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bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:16 PM

unless you are in a non-ideal custody situation you will never understand how hard it is to do what is best for the kids when you know what you will lose out on.

MagicTemptation
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:28 PM

I didn't read the first post. But I am guessing this is about a biomom getting mad at biodad and stepmom about a wedding date set on biomoms time? 

This is happening to us right now.  My ex is getting married in April. Wouldn't be much of a big deal except, we live 9 hours away from each other so making the trip is a big deal, it requires requesting time from work, finding sitters for our other children etc... I wouldn't mind doing it except they chose to get married a week after the kids' spring break. They are getting married on a Friday, meaning we would half to get her up there atleast by Thursday. She will miss 2 or 3 days of school. In our state you are allowed 10 absences all year, but only 3 unexcused. If you get 5 unexcused you get refered to truancy, can get a $250 fine per day the child missed, and a month in jail.  My daughter missed two days being home sick. It wasn't doctor worthy. If she makes this trip, not only will she miss, but during the week like that, we can't get a sitter, meaning we would have to make the drive with our 3 other school children as well. If they would of picked the week before when they had spring break it would of not been a problem.

My ex atleast understands my reasoning for not being okay with her missing school for this. I told him if he really wanted her there, we would have to do the transportation bc I wasn't making the others miss school. He would also have to write the note to the school. He decided to opt out of having his daughter there. 

I do not think it makes me a b**** or immature but practical. 

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:45 PM
School is completely different. Then just not working with each other because you want to be spiteful.

Together you both agreed it was in your child's best interest not to go.


Quoting MagicTemptation:

I didn't read the first post. But I am guessing this is about a biomom getting mad at biodad and stepmom about a wedding date set on biomoms time? 

This is happening to us right now.  My ex is getting married in April. Wouldn't be much of a big deal except, we live 9 hours away from each other so making the trip is a big deal, it requires requesting time from work, finding sitters for our other children etc... I wouldn't mind doing it except they chose to get married a week after the kids' spring break. They are getting married on a Friday, meaning we would half to get her up there atleast by Thursday. She will miss 2 or 3 days of school. In our state you are allowed 10 absences all year, but only 3 unexcused. If you get 5 unexcused you get refered to truancy, can get a $250 fine per day the child missed, and a month in jail.  My daughter missed two days being home sick. It wasn't doctor worthy. If she makes this trip, not only will she miss, but during the week like that, we can't get a sitter, meaning we would have to make the drive with our 3 other school children as well. If they would of picked the week before when they had spring break it would of not been a problem.

My ex atleast understands my reasoning for not being okay with her missing school for this. I told him if he really wanted her there, we would have to do the transportation bc I wasn't making the others miss school. He would also have to write the note to the school. He decided to opt out of having his daughter there. 

I do not think it makes me a b**** or immature but practical. 


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CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:48 PM
I completely prefer for 3 of my children never to see their father or mother but that isn't up to me.

However when it comes to visitation I will not use my children as a pawn to get even with them.




Quoting bustybee:

unless you are in a non-ideal custody situation you will never understand how hard it is to do what is best for the kids when you know what you will lose out on.


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