Domestic Abuse - Not sure what to do... Update... Update 2
So I know I'll probably get judged & told it's my fault, but I'll be trying my best to ignore those so I can take anything that comes from the people who actually try to help.
I've been with my husband for almost 8 years. There has been A LOT of mental & verbal abuse. I've tried to leave many times, but I always just get sucked right back in. He tells me he's changed & that God is his #1 priority, so now the kids & I will be at the top of his priorities as well. I've never been easily pulled in by someone, but he's just got something over me that I can't help but come back. Lately it has gotten worse. He tells me to shut the fuck up every time I talk. It doesn't matter if we're talking about something HE is interested in, he just doesn't want my opinion. He doesn't want to hear about the kids, he doesn't want ME to have anything to do with planning for our future. He wants to do it all. He's also been telling me lately that he's going to 'lay me out' or 'knock me out' if I keep talking. Friday, he threatened to PUNCH our six year old twins if they didn't keep their hands off each other - that was after telling them to shut the fuck up MANY times.
So today I've been calling domestic violence shelters. They are all full. I have four kids. No one can handle us right now. They told me to call every few hours. But I can't leave today, he'll be home in two hours, and I have no vehicle right now. I've already made sure I would have the vehicle tomorrow, by saying I was making a doctor appt for one of the kids. But I can't make plans to go somewhere tomorrow if I have to keep calling every few hours & see if something is available RIGHT NOW. So I am at a loss.
Our tax return is supposed to come in soon, so I could cash it out of the bank & afford the deposit and first month of rent on a place, but I don't have a job. I've worked off & on a few times over the last 8 years. Not enough that I'll be able to use that as a good job qualifier. We live in a nice townhome with low rent, but I don't know how to get him out. I looked into restraining orders, but it seemed like I could get one for a temporary emergency, but it would expire the next day at 5PM. Then I would have to wait weeks/monthts for a court date to tell them why I need the RO.
My friend is trying to help me figure things out. I just don't have any idea what to do. I needed to get it out & see if anyone else could offer any advice I hadn't thought of yet.
Update: I filed a restraining order on Wednesday. It was served an hour before he got off work. My uncle works with him, and he called my grandma to say that ex flipped out. My uncle picked up clothes for ex at my grandparents house and met with him to give them to him. There has been no attempted contact. I assumed he would go to his mom's house, but Saturday morning I found out his mom didn't know... so, I'm not sure where he's at. SS's mom talked to ex and he showed no concern for kids, just for money. The kids & I spent Wed-Fri nights in a hotel with a friend & her family. We just told all the kids (8 combined) that we were having a fun friend bonding time. My SS was with me Wed night for a while, and he knows the situation. He went to his mom's, and came back Fri-Sat night. He asked if we were separating & I said yes. He said "good, because dad wasn't really a good parent anyway'... My littles have asked for daddy, but have let go of it when I say I don't know where he is. I've made mention to the boys (6 years old) that they are now my big helpers because daddy isn't here.
We go to court on the 27th to find out if the judge will make it permanant or not. I've already contacted Kansas Legal Services to see if they will represent me in a divorce. And that's where I'm at right now.
So I talked to ex's mom today (she comes up on Mondays to see kids), and she said that he called last week to see what year we got married. This made me think he was going to file for divorce. Sure enough, I looked a few hours ago on the county court website & there is a court case for divorce. I'm excited that I don't have to be the one to do it... but I'm nervous that he didn't tell them about the restraining order & that they granted whatever he asked for, and I'm going to have to jump through hoops to get them to take back whatever they gave him. I haven't been served yet, but I'm waiting for it.