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Domestic Abuse - Not sure what to do... Update... Update 2

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies

So I know I'll probably get judged & told it's my fault, but I'll be trying my best to ignore those so I can take anything that comes from the people who actually try to help.

I've been with my husband for almost 8 years. There has been A LOT of mental & verbal abuse. I've tried to leave many times, but I always just get sucked right back in. He tells me he's changed & that God is his #1 priority, so now the kids & I will be at the top of his priorities as well. I've never been easily pulled in by someone, but he's just got something over me that I can't help but come back. Lately it has gotten worse. He tells me to shut the fuck up every time I talk. It doesn't matter if we're talking about something HE is interested in, he just doesn't want my opinion. He doesn't want to hear about the kids, he doesn't want ME to have anything to do with planning for our future. He wants to do it all. He's also been telling me lately that he's going to 'lay me out' or 'knock me out' if I keep talking. Friday, he threatened to PUNCH our six year old twins if they didn't keep their hands off each other - that was after telling them to shut the fuck up MANY times.

So today I've been calling domestic violence shelters. They are all full. I have four kids. No one can handle us right now. They told me to call every few hours. But I can't leave today, he'll be home in two hours, and I have no vehicle right now. I've already made sure I would have the vehicle tomorrow, by saying I was making a doctor appt for one of the kids. But I can't make plans to go somewhere tomorrow if I have to keep calling every few hours & see if something is available RIGHT NOW. So I am at a loss.

Our tax return is supposed to come in soon, so I could cash it out of the bank & afford the deposit and first month of rent on a place, but I don't have a job. I've worked off & on a few times over the last 8 years. Not enough that I'll be able to use that as a good job qualifier. We live in a nice townhome with low rent, but I don't know how to get him out. I looked into restraining orders, but it seemed like I could get one for a temporary emergency, but it would expire the next day at 5PM. Then I would have to wait weeks/monthts for a court date to tell them why I need the RO.

My friend is trying to help me figure things out. I just don't have any idea what to do. I needed to get it out & see if anyone else could offer any advice I hadn't thought of yet.

Update: I filed a restraining order on Wednesday. It was served an hour before he got off work. My uncle works with him, and he called my grandma to say that ex flipped out. My uncle picked up clothes for ex at my grandparents house and met with him to give them to him. There has been no attempted contact. I assumed he would go to his mom's house, but Saturday morning I found out his mom didn't know... so, I'm not sure where he's at. SS's mom talked to ex and he showed no concern for kids, just for money. The kids & I spent Wed-Fri nights in a hotel with a friend & her family. We just told all the kids (8 combined) that we were having a fun friend bonding time. My SS was with me Wed night for a while, and he knows the situation. He went to his mom's, and came back Fri-Sat night. He asked if we were separating & I said yes. He said "good, because dad wasn't really a good parent anyway'... My littles have asked for daddy, but have let go of it when I say I don't know where he is. I've made mention to the boys (6 years old) that they are now my big helpers because daddy isn't here.

We go to court on the 27th to find out if the judge will make it permanant or not. I've already contacted Kansas Legal Services to see if they will represent me in a divorce. And that's where I'm at right now.

So I talked to ex's mom today (she comes up on Mondays to see kids), and she said that he called last week to see what year we got married. This made me think he was going to file for divorce. Sure enough, I looked a few hours ago on the county court website & there is a court case for divorce. I'm excited that I don't have to be the one to do it... but I'm nervous that he didn't tell them about the restraining order & that they granted whatever he asked for, and I'm going to have to jump through hoops to get them to take back whatever they gave him. I haven't been served yet, but I'm waiting for it.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:04 PM

The police department should have a domestic violence counselor's number that you can talk to.

Typically when you file for a RO, they last for 30 days (or until you have a court date).  Please ask the DV counselor for help!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:04 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 

Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?

What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence

I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.

I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 

Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?

What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.

 

svolkov
by Emerald Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:12 PM
How far are you from another city?? Go to a different/bigger one. It would be harder for him to find u too


Quoting Anonymous:

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence


I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.


I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.


Quoting Anonymous:


Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 


Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?


What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.


 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
svolkov
by Emerald Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM
Go apply for emergency pa too


Quoting Anonymous:

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence


I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.


I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.


Quoting Anonymous:


Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 


Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?


What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.


 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SiempreSola
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:14 PM

 PM ME!!!! I LIVE VERY CLOSE TO YOU BUT ON MO SIDE!!

Quoting Anonymous:

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence

I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.

I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 

Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?

What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.

 

 

Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:15 PM

You've made a good choice to leave. Work it and keep working it. I'm pulling for you and if he lays one hand on you or those precious children you have his ass thrown in jail and you press charges, don't let them drop. Once you move out file for PA they will go after him for child support. Document everything he says, make sure you know what he said and why. write it out by hand bc your handwriting changes and you'll use different pens that makes it clear that you didnt' just make it all up one night. No matter what he says or does. I don't care if he's threatening to kill himself, do not take him back. You do not want your sons to be treated this way and you don't want them to treat others that way!!

KedrynsMommie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:19 PM
Can you call shelters in surrounding areas? Honestly I know its about 3 hours away but there are a lot of resources here in Wichita.. plus cost of living is super cheap. Also, myself and another cmer live here and would be willing to befriend you so you weren't totally alone


Quoting Anonymous:

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence


I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.


I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.


Quoting Anonymous:


Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 


Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?


What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:26 PM

 I'm pretty much IN 'the city'. We live in the Kansas City Metro area. And there's no where for me to go.

I just talked to the victims assistance at the court house, they told me that he would be out of the house for three weeks with no contact, then we would go to court and if the judge granted the permenant order, it would be for a year. That would give me time to get a divorce, have a job, and hopefully have my kids somewhat settled and used to the idea of being without him.

My plan, as of now, is to pretend I have a dr. appt for my son tomorrow, go pull money out of the bank, and go to the court house to file the order. I'll call my landlord and have him change my locks, and I will take my kids to family's house and have a cop sit with me while he gets his things from the house.

Quoting svolkov:

How far are you from another city?? Go to a different/bigger one. It would be harder for him to find u too


Quoting Anonymous:

 I've called every shelter I could find a number to. All deal with domestic violence


I filed for legal aid this morning. Hoping to hear something back in the morning.


I'm in Johnson county, Kansas.


Quoting Anonymous:


Do you have any domestic violence centers in your area?  You should be able to get a civil protection order protecting you and the kids and kicking him out of the house.  If he has hit you in the past and is now moving on, or threatening to move on, to the kids then you need to go. 


Do you have any legal aid offices in your town?


What county and state are you in?  I can do some searching for you.


 


 

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