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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

For women who have been cheated on and stayed.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

How did you find it in your heart to forgive him? How long did it take? Did the feeling of resentment and disgust ever go away? Was it worth pulling through? 
 
I feel like total crap. He wants another chance and we just had a baby girl.... she needs her dad, but I'm hurting so bad. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 4:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:34 PM

I decided to forgive him a week after I found out. However, I made it clear to him that deciding to start the process of forgiving him did not mean that I wouldn't cry or be angry over it again. It's been over 3 years now. I would say that the resentment I was feeling started to fade after about a year, and that was with us talking about it and our marriage, figuring out where we had that disconnect that lead to the infidelity and working on communication. We never went to counseling because we couldn't afford it, plus I did not feel comfortable going to a counselor.

I will admit, the month after I found out was the worst month of my life. I would cry at the drop of a hat, I was having nightmares and was also fighting with myself as to if I should confront the other woman. I got physically ill and barely ate anything. I can say that I would not have been able to work through all that without knowing that he 100% regretted his decision and wanted to save our marriage.

As of right now, I fully trust him, but the trust will never be the same as it was before because now I know that he has it in him to cheat on me. I question things more readily than I did before (whereabouts, conversations with other people, etc) but his actions during that time made me see how much he was willing to do to make it up to me.

In my situation, I think it was very much worth the extra tears and work to save our life together. I will never say that him cheating was a good thing, but it did open our eyes to how much we would have to work to stay together. We got through it and came out stronger than before. And sorry that you're going through it. I'd never wish it on anyone :/

Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:46 PM
I stayed. Its been four years and its still painful and trust is a constant flow and ebb ( despite the fact that he has done nothing suspicious since the event). I personally, will never try to work it out with a cheater again. Not with SO, and not with anyone else. I'm still hurt regularly, but if I had just walked away and started over I would have had years to find love that had not betrayed me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:49 PM

I could not forgive cheating. I also would never expect to be forgiven if I cheated. DH and I were both cheated on in the past and we both left as soon as we found out. Neither of us ever worry about the other cheating because we have never forgotten the pain or betrayal we felt. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:46 PM

I can very much relate to what you're saying. And I don't feel like eating anymore and I just want to sleep all the time. I feel as if I'm going to throw up, scream, panic, or cry if I even think about it. And I can't get the mental image of them together out of my head. 
It's especially hard with a new baby. I am breastfeeding, so I have to force myself to eat, stay calm, and stay awake. I cried all night when I found out, but have not, since. It's been 3 days. I just feel embarrassed and not good enough now...
I'm young, I stay on top of my weight, sweet, easy going...I always  felt really confident and pretty with him. But now I'm questioning it... I don't know what to do now. :(

Quoting Anonymous:

I decided to forgive him a week after I found out. However, I made it clear to him that deciding to start the process of forgiving him did not mean that I wouldn't cry or be angry over it again. It's been over 3 years now. I would say that the resentment I was feeling started to fade after about a year, and that was with us talking about it and our marriage, figuring out where we had that disconnect that lead to the infidelity and working on communication. We never went to counseling because we couldn't afford it, plus I did not feel comfortable going to a counselor.

I will admit, the month after I found out was the worst month of my life. I would cry at the drop of a hat, I was having nightmares and was also fighting with myself as to if I should confront the other woman. I got physically ill and barely ate anything. I can say that I would not have been able to work through all that without knowing that he 100% regretted his decision and wanted to save our marriage.

As of right now, I fully trust him, but the trust will never be the same as it was before because now I know that he has it in him to cheat on me. I question things more readily than I did before (whereabouts, conversations with other people, etc) but his actions during that time made me see how much he was willing to do to make it up to me.

In my situation, I think it was very much worth the extra tears and work to save our life together. I will never say that him cheating was a good thing, but it did open our eyes to how much we would have to work to stay together. We got through it and came out stronger than before. And sorry that you're going through it. I'd never wish it on anyone :/


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:50 PM

I just can't decide if I should see where things go or forgive now.. I feel like if he was speaking to other women and cheated on me then it's probably happened before. Now that I know he's capable of it, I am terrified. He's going on and on about how he'll change. I feel like he'd be over me in a few months. I feel like I love and hate him so much all at once.

Quoting Trina.mhmm:

I forgave my SO. Were perfectly fine. It takes time and will differ with everyone. It took over a year but I trust him mroe than ever now and dont think about it. Its in the past. Hes the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. People screw up. Some more than others. Its a decision you will have to make and figure out if hes worth the fight and pain. Cheating is very painful but walking away is very easy, it hurts but no where as much as fixing things. Its such a releif when you over-come those painful obstacles though. If your stong enough of course. If you can over-come this in a relationship, then you know you can pretty much over-come any other problems you two may have


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:09 PM

What you do is take time to process what is happening. Don't let him rush you into forgiveness or a split and don't rush yourself. I know for me it was such a shock to my system that I couldn't even think coherently about it until almost a week later. You need time to let this all sink in before you decide to keep going with your relationship or not.


Quoting Anonymous:

I can very much relate to what you're saying. And I don't feel like eating anymore and I just want to sleep all the time. I feel as if I'm going to throw up, scream, panic, or cry if I even think about it. And I can't get the mental image of them together out of my head. 
It's especially hard with a new baby. I am breastfeeding, so I have to force myself to eat, stay calm, and stay awake. I cried all night when I found out, but have not, since. It's been 3 days. I just feel embarrassed and not good enough now...
I'm young, I stay on top of my weight, sweet, easy going...I always  felt really confident and pretty with him. But now I'm questioning it... I don't know what to do now. :(

Quoting Anonymous:

I decided to forgive him a week after I found out. However, I made it clear to him that deciding to start the process of forgiving him did not mean that I wouldn't cry or be angry over it again. It's been over 3 years now. I would say that the resentment I was feeling started to fade after about a year, and that was with us talking about it and our marriage, figuring out where we had that disconnect that lead to the infidelity and working on communication. We never went to counseling because we couldn't afford it, plus I did not feel comfortable going to a counselor.

I will admit, the month after I found out was the worst month of my life. I would cry at the drop of a hat, I was having nightmares and was also fighting with myself as to if I should confront the other woman. I got physically ill and barely ate anything. I can say that I would not have been able to work through all that without knowing that he 100% regretted his decision and wanted to save our marriage.

As of right now, I fully trust him, but the trust will never be the same as it was before because now I know that he has it in him to cheat on me. I question things more readily than I did before (whereabouts, conversations with other people, etc) but his actions during that time made me see how much he was willing to do to make it up to me.

In my situation, I think it was very much worth the extra tears and work to save our life together. I will never say that him cheating was a good thing, but it did open our eyes to how much we would have to work to stay together. We got through it and came out stronger than before. And sorry that you're going through it. I'd never wish it on anyone :/




Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:11 PM
It happened 10 yrs ago and I stayed. I have never forgiven him and have never forgotten. And I still don't trust him. So can't help you there :/
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:14 PM

Great. :( I am sorry that you had to go through that and thank you for your honesty.

Quoting Anonymous:

It happened 10 yrs ago and I stayed. I have never forgiven him and have never forgotten. And I still don't trust him. So can't help you there :/


Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:20 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

I could not forgive cheating. I also would never expect to be forgiven if I cheated. DH and I were both cheated on in the past and we both left as soon as we found out. Neither of us ever worry about the other cheating because we have never forgotten the pain or betrayal we felt. 




I agree,the worst part is I bet most of these cheating asses would never forgive their wives if the tables were turned.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:27 PM
Counseling, realizing my husband was not the perfect man and that he was human and made a stupid stupid decision... was it worth it? In my case yes.. we discovered a lot of issues we had and fixed them. My marriage is better then ever and we hardly ever fight but when we do we talk instead of letting it build. Does the pain go away? Yes, but you have to move forward and never look back. Looking back just bring everything back . Forgiving doesnt mean you're saying what he did was okay And don't let anyone make you feel bad if you stay. But make sure you see positive changes in him.
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