It was my fault I was raped.

I was 17. A virgin with no intent on changing that anytime soon. I was dating a guy that was around 25. I was young, unexperienced with dating.

I was friends with his sister, so I spent the night with her. He stayed there to. We were just cuddling on the couch in the living room and he started kissing on me. I kissed back for a few minutes, then told him I was tired and wanted to go to sleep.

He kept kissing. I told him no, I told him to stop. I tried to get up and go downstairs, he beat me to the door and shut it, leaning against it. I told him I didnt want to do anything, I wanted to go to sleep. I was so scared. I started walking to the front door to go outside, he grabbed me and swung me back and started kissing me, pushing me to the couch. I kept trying to push him away but he was way stronger than I.

He pushed me down on the couch and got on top of me. I kept squirming, kept pushing. I tried to scream, to wake up my friend, to make hims stop, but I couldnt. Nothing came out. All I could do was whisper stop, please stop. He pulled my pants down and then started to have sex with me. I went limp. I cried, asking him to stop. He finished and let me up.

I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I sat in there for an hour before I came back out. He was passed out on the couch. I went back in the bathroom and stayed in the bathroom that night until the morning when I heard my friend wake up. Then I walked out like i had been using the restroom, told her I was leaving, and went home. I stopped talking to him and told no one until my current S/O, but he just knows it wasnt willing, Ive never went anymore into until this, until now.  

He went to prison later that year for rape. He is still in prison.

But It was my fault. I could have fought harder. I could have made more noise. I could have done SOMETHING to wake up my friend. She was just in the next room. I feel as if I let him do this to me. 

[sucker4myloves]

What could your friend have done? Nothing. She was just a young girl like you. He might have done it to his own sister too. You never know. You didn't let him do anything. You were just a little girl.

[louiegirl62]

That happened to me too. He even made fun of me saying " Don't! Stop!" by saying that I wanted it- don't stop, don't stop, don't stop & smothering me with his fatness.

[Anonymous 3]

It was not your faukt. But it sounds like you have PPD. I had that when I got robbed at gunpoint (while pregnant) snd pistol whipped. I always thought I could have fought harder. Even though the guys didn't get death with my stuff.
It sounds like you need someone to talk to. Rainn.org has people you can call 24/7. And please get into therapy. No one ever als to get raped and nor are they ever responsible for someone taking advantage of them.

[CrazyLife1996]

It wasn't your fault. You said no period.

[AdensMommy1107]

That WAS NOT your fault. I'm so sorry you had to experience that, but it was in no way your fault!!

[Anonymous 4]

You said no you fought him.. NOT your fault stop beating yourself up.