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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

wtf? (LONG.. but i needed to vent!)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
How do people change so fast?

My son is alomst 2, his father and I have always had our ups and downs throughout our relationship, but always worked things out in the end.

Well about 3 months ago, he moved back to his moms (which is 2 hours away) because he said that we needed time apart and had things to work on. I was a little surprised because I didnt even know he was unhappy in the relationship. Also kind of upset he just up and left instead of staying and talking/working on things in our own home.

(Sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes, typing on mobile.)

So none the less I was questioning things about our relationship. Is he worth it since he just up and left? Do i give up? Whats best for my son?.. For about a month things were okay. He came over a few times and things seemed okay. I just couldnt understand why he needed to live at his moms while working on things. Around Christmas time, he asked me if he could come over in the afternoon to spend time with us and of course I agreed. He stayed a whole 10 minutes! He said he has stuff to do. Really? On Christmas? Come to find out he had been seeing his YOUNGER sisters best friend. She is 18 and he is 23.

I was heartbroken! =( So for about a month.. I dealt with her calling me andtalking smack. If i didnt answer, she would text. Throughout all of this, my sons father, kept saying he loved me, but I needed to change... So I was dumb and thought if I showed him I could change, hed come back. Then one he calls me and asks to come see our son. I agreed. He told me he missed me, he was done with this girl, he was sorry.. but he didnt stay the night because he ended up gettin sick and wanted to go home.. He came by a few times after that. It felt normal again. Except he would never stay the night. I questioned in my head, but didnt want to cause fights.. So one Sunday, I let him take our son for a few days. When he brought him back, he stayed for dinner.. but then of course said he had to leave cause he had stuff to do in the morning. Later that night, I go on facebook and see that some girl tagged him in a post about hanging out for the weekend. I was furious that he was doing this again. This was about 2-3 weeks ago. This other girl has 2 kids of her own, 4 and 2 months!

Of course, I confronted him and he said that he wants to be a happy family with me, but he knows it wont work. How can you want something, but not try for it? I mean, by all means, we didnt have a perfect relationship, but we hadnt tried all our options. We hadnt tried counseling. I wanted to, but he says its to late. So now that he has been with this new girl, he hasnt tried to call to talk to our son, hasnt asked for our son, infact... I havent even spoken one word to him. How can you be in your childs life for 2 years and then just disappear?

Im SOOOOOO mad/heart broken/pissed/upset... But i cant help, but miss him. I know I need to move on. Its whats best for me and my son. But I just cant believe he would do this..
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:31 AM
Replies (21-29):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:55 AM
You hurt them more when they see you hurt and sad. His dad will either end up in his life off and on or done for good. Start the child support process. He can take care of her kids but not his son



Quoting Anonymous:

Oh. I know. =)



Just wish things would be different only for my sons sake.




Quoting Anonymous:

He is not worth it.. and he is showing you he is nothing but a p.o.s who leaves their son? I know for fact a father does not. so you need to move on he has moved on and when him and his little girlfriend break up he will want to play daddy to his son and screw you at the same time. Life goes on yes it does you know why I am saying this is because I had a daughter at 15 and her father thought it would be cute to.move away and get married and not tell me (while we were still together) but he did "love" me. I moved on and glad I did. DD is 9 and does not know her dad cuz it was not convenient for him.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:56 AM


If she were married to him, perhaps he would at least TRY to repair the relationship before running off and finding another little girlfriend.

Marriage is a serious step, but people have lost sight of its true meaning. It exists for the couple but also as protection for the kids. One of the worst things we did as a society was to make divorce so easy to get--it should be even more expensive and hard to get than it is.

To discount the meaning of marriage, yet expect the same benefits in a live-in relationship is an oxymoron.

Quoting Anonymous:

No. It would just make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. Divorce is expensive and a hassle.

Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!




Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:57 AM
I honestly dont think marriage would have changed a thing. If someone wants to cheat, they will cheat. Plus.. I gave him that choice when I found out I was pregnant. Leave, be there for the child, or be with me. He had the choice. He was a GREAT father, but now all of a sudden a big change. So no. It wasnt a mistake. Because although, this has ended badly... We had good memories. And I got my SON out of it... I cant see the future, I didnt know things would end up this way. So its sort of a whatever situation.


Quoting Anonymous:


Guess you made a big mistake all around then. He is obviously not mature enough to be a father.


Quoting Anonymous:

How do you know that we didnt date? And its ME who doesnt believe in marriage, not him. Plus... Yes, im hurt how he treated me.. BUT whether or not we are married, it shouldnt effect the way he goes about being a FATHER.





Quoting Anonymous:

Those who do....make commitments and are more likely to be responsible about their relationships.

So, you are experiencing the not-so-good part of not believing in traditional family values and marriage.


If you had followed my advice with him...dated first, would he have married you? If not, you would not be in this situation.




Quoting Anonymous:

I doubt a piece of paper is going to make it less likely he would leave me. It would just cost more. =) Not everyone believes in marriage.








Quoting Anonymous:

It would make it less likely that he would run off. He obviously never made a commitment to you. He definitely has no legal commitment to you, other than perhaps child support.





Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!











Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.























Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:00 AM
Based on how he acts it doesn't seem like if they were married that he would take the relationship any more serious. If he doesn't take the relationship serious for the sake of their child I doubt he would care he was married before finding another chick.

Quoting Anonymous:


If she were married to him, perhaps he would at least TRY to repair the relationship before running off and finding another little girlfriend.

Marriage is a serious step, but people have lost sight of its true meaning. It exists for the couple but also as protection for the kids. One of the worst things we did as a society was to make divorce so easy to get--it should be even more expensive and hard to get than it is.

To discount the meaning of marriage, yet expect the same benefits in a live-in relationship is an oxymoron.


Quoting Anonymous:

No. It would just make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. Divorce is expensive and a hassle.



Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!







Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.






Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:01 AM
No. Thinking that a piece of paper would change someones mind is oxymoron. If a person is willing to work on things because of that paper, and not because of the child... Thats ridiculous!


Quoting Anonymous:


If she were married to him, perhaps he would at least TRY to repair the relationship before running off and finding another little girlfriend.

Marriage is a serious step, but people have lost sight of its true meaning. It exists for the couple but also as protection for the kids. One of the worst things we did as a society was to make divorce so easy to get--it should be even more expensive and hard to get than it is.

To discount the meaning of marriage, yet expect the same benefits in a live-in relationship is an oxymoron.


Quoting Anonymous:

No. It would just make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. Divorce is expensive and a hassle.



Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!







Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.







Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:03 AM
Exactly what I was thinking..


Quoting Anonymous:

Based on how he acts it doesn't seem like if they were married that he would take the relationship any more serious. If he doesn't take the relationship serious for the sake of their child I doubt he would care he was married before finding another chick.



Quoting Anonymous:


If she were married to him, perhaps he would at least TRY to repair the relationship before running off and finding another little girlfriend.

Marriage is a serious step, but people have lost sight of its true meaning. It exists for the couple but also as protection for the kids. One of the worst things we did as a society was to make divorce so easy to get--it should be even more expensive and hard to get than it is.

To discount the meaning of marriage, yet expect the same benefits in a live-in relationship is an oxymoron.



Quoting Anonymous:

No. It would just make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. Divorce is expensive and a hassle.





Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!










Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.









Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:02 PM

Again, that's because your generation has taken out the meaning and significance of "that piece of paper."

Easy divorce watered it down in my generation. Even so, some, if not most, of my generation (your parent's) still believe in the sanctity of marriage. Your generation does not even know the meaning of the word sanctity, nor do you want to.


Quoting Anonymous:

No. Thinking that a piece of paper would change someones mind is oxymoron. If a person is willing to work on things because of that paper, and not because of the child... Thats ridiculous!


Quoting Anonymous:


If she were married to him, perhaps he would at least TRY to repair the relationship before running off and finding another little girlfriend.

Marriage is a serious step, but people have lost sight of its true meaning. It exists for the couple but also as protection for the kids. One of the worst things we did as a society was to make divorce so easy to get--it should be even more expensive and hard to get than it is.

To discount the meaning of marriage, yet expect the same benefits in a live-in relationship is an oxymoron.


Quoting Anonymous:

No. It would just make it more difficult to get out of the relationship. Divorce is expensive and a hassle.



Quoting Anonymous:

I knew him for 6 years, but yes. Your right. But if he was my husband.. would that make the siuation justifiable?!







Quoting Anonymous:

Let me guess....this fellow is NOT your husband yet you had a baby with him.

I suggest in your next relationship you do it right---date, make sure you know the guy, get married, THEN have sex and children. Stay married. It works best this way.









Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:38 PM

You're making it TOO easy for him!!!  I've been in a similar sit.  I know its hard, but you've gotta put your foot down!!!  Dont be afraid of the unknown!  You may end up finding you don't want to be w/him anymore....It all depends on what you really want to happen, for example, to truly stay w/this guy (that'd be only if you can forgive him) or depends on if he truly wants to be w/you??  The only way to find out, again don't be afraid, is to tell him that girl can have you!! (Whether you're serious or not) don't let him know that!!  Don't call him, don't text him, don't let him come over (especially just anytime he plans & you be like OKKK) If he loves you, I promise he'll step it up!  Don't do it for 2-6 weeks, I mean a FEW MONTHS!!!  May I suggest you watch Two Can Play That Game!!! GREAT MOVIE!!!   I hate that you're going through this, but he'll continue as long as you let him!!!  Like I said, you may find that you don't want to be w/him anymore once you put your foot down, and if he loves you...hold your ground, don't let up to easy, you'll know when/if he's truly serious!!  If you have doubt when the time comes, then it's not time to let up on him!!!  GOOD LUCK!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:12 PM

I dont think I could ever forgive him. Yes, I still love him. Always will. But him choosing this new girl over his child. Nope, can't deal with that one!

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