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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Ex husband is dead. *Update in red*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 117 Replies
7 moms liked this

I found out a week ago that my ex husband died and I haven't really talked about it at all because I don't want my husband to know how I feel about it.

I'm sad, he was a good man, we just weren't right for each other.

I'm mad, he died of a drug overdose, but he was the one that got me off of drugs... he literally SAT ON ME to keep me from going to get high when I was detoxing... he saved my life and I'm so very angry that he fell into the trap that he helped to release me from.

I need to talk about this, but I don't have friends that wont judge me and I can't talk to my husband about it... what kind of man would be okay with holding his wife while she cries over another man? 

Are my feelings normal? I feel so conflicted. When we divorced we did so as friends, we even went out to eat after court and celebrated a new beginning for each of us. We had nothing to fight over, no kids or debt. And he was a great guy; hard working, kind, thoughtful... We both moved on and stayed in touch for a while, but lost touch after he joined the Army. I feel strange for this, but finding out he died feels like I lost a part of myself, and I don't understand why because I know my husband is the man who was made for me, and me for him.

I spoke to my husband. I had already told him that J was dead and that I was flying home to help his mother, but I hadn't told him or shown him how upset I was until tonight. He completely understood and asked me what took me so long to come to him. I told him I just didn't understand my feelings, and I didn't think he would either; he just smiled and kissed me and told me I ought to know better, then he got my box of pictures out of the closet and said I should look through them, keep a few for myself and pick some to give to J's mother. He sat there with me as I told him stories about the photos and hugged and kissed me while I cried. 

Thank you all so much for letting me know that my feelings are normal, I felt so very alone and it was this group that helped me start to grieve. If it hadn't been for you wonderful ladies I would have kept fighting with myself over my emotions and I just want you all to know that you really helped someone today.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cristie0911
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry.. Sounds like you both had your struggles.  May God give you peace :)

krystyneh
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM
3 moms liked this
It is completely normal. I'm sorry for your loss. You have every right to grieve. God bless him that he got you off drugs just wish he could have done the same. Hang in there and express your feelings. Don't keep them bottled up inside.
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MommyRJ
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM
4 moms liked this
I personally think its Normal. And I think you should talk with your dh about it.
This man was part of your life. You obviously loved him once. Of course you'll be upset.
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southernbelle07
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:06 PM
1 mom liked this
He was a large part of your life. It's normal to mourn. I'm sorry for your loss.
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So.Ill.Mama
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry. When my best friend was kia, my dh understood (bff was male). He may be more understanding than you think.
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SterlingHeart
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:06 PM

it is normal - you two shared history and like you said he saved your life....  

I hear my son laugh and I get an ache for the man i was once married to..... as i am sitting next to my husband.....  my son carries so much of my first husbands traits... ones that I find tug at my heart!  

hard to have no one that understands how life is a layer upon layer of lives entertwined to lead us to where we are now.... a heart can't forget how it felt..... it is just what it is 

Kermitthemom23
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Totally normal. Id tell your dh. Wouls he be supportive if you were grieving over you bff from long ago? Same situation
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kmt_771
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:08 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss.

bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:08 PM

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand. hugs to you.

lovemyhoney19
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Awe I'm sorry. He was your husband honey. That's a big deal. It's ok to feel the way you do and I think you should allow yourself to grieve.
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