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Depressed SAHM

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies

I've been a SAHM to my 4 kids for about 10 months now and I am pregnant with our 5th. I love being home with my kids and I don't miss being a working mom at all. That is not the issue. The issue is the fact that my DH is never home. Never. He leaves in the morning and comes home late at night ... usually 10 or 11pm. He is an insurance agent and basically makes his own hours so I have talked to him several times about taking a little time off to spend with us. He says he'll start taking off Saturdays... then he says he'll take off Sunday... then he changes his mind and says he'll work half a day on Friday and half a day on Saturday. And he never follows through with any of it.

He works 10 - 12 hours a day, 6 - 7 days a week. I miss him... the kids miss him... and I am getting depressed because I'm here at the house all the time with the kids. I barely get adult interaction anymore and I also miss having him here with me. I get up in the morning, get my 5 year old on the bus to preschool, take my oldest to school, get my 5 year old off the bus and then go pick up my oldest at school. Those are the only times I really get out of the house. Well, then there is grocery shopping. But that is a nightmare because I usually have to take all the kids with me and that is stressful. My mom comes over most days but she is usually only here for 20 - 30 minutes. I have no friends anymore. They all ditched me when I started having kids. So all I have is DH and my mom and neither of them are here very much. I love being with my kids but it's not the same as having other adults to talk to and do things with. I am just getting really lonely and depressed and I don't know what to do : (

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:10 PM

bump

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:11 PM

 That would make me depressed too. I hope this is your last baby, because then you can start focusing on things YOU want to do. A hobby, the gym, whatever. As for your dh, it sounds like he is makig excuses not be be home because it is probably very chaotic at home with all the kids. I hope things improve.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I feel the same way. I think it's my depression thats leading my unhappiness and into this divorce but I really think I'll be better off by myself.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Sorry u r so sad momma. I know how you feel when df was working the kids were my only companions. So i took up hobbies and kept busy:) u r not alone. Try making friends in yur area. It will be ok:)
PEEK05
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I know how you feel.  My husband is gone for 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week.  I am always alone with the kids too (almost 4, 1.5 years, and about to have another on the 13th, husband going back to work on the 18th).  However, I am not depressed.  I can see how depression can come about though for some people.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:21 PM

It didn't bother me at first. I actually joked that I like having him out of my hair. lol. But now that it's been almost a year of being alone, day in and day out.... I'm just getting tired of it. I miss spending time with him. Now it's like he gets up, showers, eats, leaves and then he comes home, eats and goes to bed. I can't even tell you how long it's been since we all had dinner as a family ... or sat down and watched a movie together. It's starting to feel like we're not even a couple anymore : (

Quoting PEEK05:

I know how you feel.  My husband is gone for 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week.  I am always alone with the kids too (almost 4, 1.5 years, and about to have another on the 13th, husband going back to work on the 18th).  However, I am not depressed.  I can see how depression can come about though for some people.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:25 PM

you need to find stuff to do outside the house. get out and go to the park everyday. go to the gym. find some kind of hobby or something. you might end up meeting another mom who has the same problem and become friends or something. you gotta get yourself out there and make it happen. you can't depend on your mom and husband. you gotta find something that keeps you busy and makes you happy. good luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:32 PM

bump

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:39 PM

Been there, done that. 

I had 4 kids, that was my limit.  And when we moved here, I didn't know another adult in the state.  Lost my "work friends" since I wasn't working.  My husband worked 2 jobs, for the first 1 1/2 years - 7 days a week, 16-20 hours a day. 

After awhile, I felt exactly like you.  I got out there.  Found a gym with childcare (and I was NEVER a gym person).  Went 3 times a week - wouldn't miss it for the world.  Took an aqua cardio class and made friends there.  Signed up for girl scouts, anything else I could find - made friends there.  Started talking to anyone around - made more friends.  Took long walks in the neighborhood (in the winter even), and made friends in the neighborhood.

You can do it - you just need to get out there.  I even started taking the kids on vacations myself, because I got tired of missing out because my husband was always working.  And a funny thing happened - the less I "asked" him to be around - the more he WAS around.

peachesforme
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 5:46 PM

depend on yourself for your fullfillment.  get a hobby, get mom friends, volunteer, corner your dh and communicate to get to the bottom of it. nothing will happen till yu make it happen.  

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