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What can I do to get 5 year old to focus and listen? Help!

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:23 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hi Ladies,

I could use your help brainstorming ideas on how to get my daughter to listen. Her listening skills are decent at home. The problem we are having is our 5 year old daughter has a hard time listening at ballet lessons, gymnastics, montessori school (not yet in kindergarten), and at swim lessons.

We pulled her out of swim lessons after she was frequently put into time outs for not listening to her teacher. We told her she could not take swim lessons until she could show mommy and daddy that she can listen to her teacher.

At school, my daughter's main problem with listening is that she does not want to sit during circle time. She attends school from 8:30-3:30 and they have 4 circle times throughout the day, so I can understand that she might get tired of circle time, but she just will not sit and listen to her teachers. It is better when a teacher sits next to her, but for the most part she gets up and wanders around the room at circle time. Her teachers are pretty good about getting her back to circle, but they have other kids to watch too. I will say she is not the only one who doesn't listen during circle time, but she is starting kindergarten next year and I need her to become a better listener.

I help out at her school by volunteering in the morning and during lunch. What I see is a child who prefers to listen only when its abotu something she wants to do. The biggest trouble I have is getting dd to line up nicely for recess and walk quietly in the hall. =/

We disenrolled her from gymnastics for a few months when she was having trouble listening and we recently started lessons again. Some days are good and others are not so good. I can view her class from a viewing balcony and I watch her for listening. At the end of gymnastics the kids are given stamps as a reward for good listening. It might be a good idea if the gymnastics teachers didn't always give stamps to everyone, whether they listened or not. I will praise my daughter if she was a good listener and I will talk to her after class if she was not a good listener. Usually I will say something like, "I saw that you were not listening to your teacher today..." and dd basically has this attitude where she might say sorry for not listening, but I don't know that she really is.

Dd's ballet lessons are probably the worst when it comes to dd's listening. I picked dd up from ballet class today and her teacher pulled me aside and said today dd had a hard time listening. Time outs are not working at ballet. Basically, my dd becomes VERY emotional when she learns she will have a time out. She will wine or cry and it will distract the entire class. Today, dd's ballet teacher and I were brainstorming ideas on what might work with dd. Normally, the ballet teacher hands out stickers at the end of class to reward the kids, but today the teacher did something special and bought crowns for the girls. DD didn't get one because she didn't listen. Maybe that will help with listening next week, but .... who knows. I said I could sit in the studio (normally parents are not allowed in the studio) and take her out of class if she doesn't listen. I also mentioned how we count "1.....2.....3...ok time out" at home. Her ballet teacher basically said it wasn't working with my dd. My dd doesn't learn that she is distracting the class or that she needs to listen.

I've had dd evaluated for hearing and her hearing is fine. I also recently had her evaluated by a physical therapist, speech therapist, behavioral specialist, and a psychologist as a part of our community's child find program. I mentioned my concerns about her listening skills, brought up.. "Does she have ADD or ADHD?" and other concerns. The entire group of specialists said they had no concerns about her, especially because she is smart and her behavior isn't getting in teh way of learning at school. I also spoke with dd's doctor and her doctor says that she is perfectly healthy, both mentally and physically.

SO...........

Here I am with a strong willed child and I need ideas on how to get her to focus and listen. Obviously, taking her out of her extracurriculars didn't work. Sticker and stamp rewards don't seem to be working. Time outs during ballet lessons or sitting in the "Think It Out Chair" at school are not working. I'm sort of at a loss.

In the past, sticker rewards worked great! We still use a sticker reward chart to get dd to keep her art area clean at home. Otherwise, at home time outs still work very well! or dd will lose a priviledge like dessert or a movie (ect).

What can I do about her behavior outside of the home?

THANK you for reading all of this and replying =)

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:23 PM
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Replies (1-9):
ballerina18
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:33 PM

Please read or BUMP. I could really use some ideas. Thanks!

SuperJo
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Try Positive Discipline for Preschoolers (there are various titles for different ages, but it's Positive Discipline). You should be able to find it on Amazon for cheap.
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ballerina18
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:54 PM

Any tips you can share from the book? I've read the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" back when my dd was younger and it was very helpful. Now that my dd is older I'm looking for a little more age-appropriate advice..kwim? More along the lines of 5-7 year old approaches.

Thanks for your tip. I'll look into the book!

Quoting SuperJo:

Try Positive Discipline for Preschoolers (there are various titles for different ages, but it's Positive Discipline). You should be able to find it on Amazon for cheap.



Christy78
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:12 PM

   When my oldest was little I did the  colorful rocks in a jar and she started out with 10 in a jar . and if she did listen to her teacher I would take out    rocks ,  if she couldn't keep her hands and feet to her self 2 rocks were taken out .   I told her from the start of the we you have 10  rocks and if you do not have your 10 rocks  by  friday then  thier is no fun friday .   She is 14 yr old ( 15 in March)  My son I did the same thing with him  is  will be 11 yrs old Thrusday, My 7 yr old  did the same with her.    Now  I stil do it with all 3 but it;s different they have to earn the color rockls.  My oldest has to earn 60 rocks , my son has to earn 50 and my 7 yr old has to earn 40 rocks  and if hey all have what they earn they can get computer time , Tv, their DS games , play the WII but they  can only choose one  and if it the WII , DS games , Computer I set the timer for  50 mins and once the timer goes off .   Now since my oldest is a teen  she has her days  where is is sour, and rolls the eyes becasue she is mad . My 7 yr old is going on 30. to get they earn the rock for doing  a chore with out being told  and they can earn 5 rocks  for dong that .     Try this get  card stock  and make  3 big circles and color the first one red ,  the next one yellow and the last one green .  and get a close pen  write her name on it  and if she can stay on green . at the end of the week do something fun  with her   Sorry I wrote alot

ballerina18
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:47 PM

Don't be sorry for typing a lot! This is VERY helpful! I think I will have to try it!!

Did you buy colored rocks at the art store? So... okay, so how does this sound?

Start out with 10 rocks in the jar (btw: where do you keep the jars at home?)

DD gets 1 rock for listening at ballet, 1 for gymnastics, 1 for swim lessons, 2 for listening at school.

Take away equal rocks for not listening. Earn 1 rock for chores completed or listening at home.

At the end of the week if she has 10 she can get 1 movie to watch on the weekend. If she has 11-15 she can get ???uhhhh I need reward ideas. We don't have video games or a Wii..hmm

Anyway, does that sound about right for how this will work?

Quoting Christy78:

   When my oldest was little I did the  colorful rocks in a jar and she started out with 10 in a jar . and if she did listen to her teacher I would take out    rocks ,  if she couldn't keep her hands and feet to her self 2 rocks were taken out .   I told her from the start of the we you have 10  rocks and if you do not have your 10 rocks  by  friday then  thier is no fun friday .   She is 14 yr old ( 15 in March)  My son I did the same thing with him  is  will be 11 yrs old Thrusday, My 7 yr old  did the same with her.    Now  I stil do it with all 3 but it;s different they have to earn the color rockls.  My oldest has to earn 60 rocks , my son has to earn 50 and my 7 yr old has to earn 40 rocks  and if hey all have what they earn they can get computer time , Tv, their DS games , play the WII but they  can only choose one  and if it the WII , DS games , Computer I set the timer for  50 mins and once the timer goes off .   Now since my oldest is a teen  she has her days  where is is sour, and rolls the eyes becasue she is mad . My 7 yr old is going on 30. to get they earn the rock for doing  a chore with out being told  and they can earn 5 rocks  for dong that .     Try this get  card stock  and make  3 big circles and color the first one red ,  the next one yellow and the last one green .  and get a close pen  write her name on it  and if she can stay on green . at the end of the week do something fun  with her   Sorry I wrote alot



star33
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:54 PM

 i wish i could help.my son is 6.he's gotten much better this year about bothering other kids at school,never too bad at activities,but won't do his work.he is a real pain at home.we did some of the tests u mentioned.i hate to say he is on medicine for ADD.his teacher says it helps him at school.i don't see any diff at home.it sure would be nice if i did.good luck!

ballerina18
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:34 AM

bump

Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:44 AM

Wow, I am way meaner than you are mom, because my kid would NOT be getting to go to any of those classes until they straightened their butt up! Im a spanking mom and that is a spanking offense in our house. It equates to disrespect and that is my number one pet peeve! Some kids have a harder time learning to obey, and two of my kids got it just fine but my youngest was like that and we had to really crack down on him but by the time he was 6 or 7 he did just fine. It might be a maturity issue.

Christy78
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:33 AM

 


Quoting ballerina18:

Don't be sorry for typing a lot! This is VERY helpful! I think I will have to try it!!

Did you buy colored rocks at the art store? So... okay, so how does this sound?

Start out with 10 rocks in the jar (btw: where do you keep the jars at home?)

DD gets 1 rock for listening at ballet, 1 for gymnastics, 1 for swim lessons, 2 for listening at school.

Take away equal rocks for not listening. Earn 1 rock for chores completed or listening at home.

At the end of the week if she has 10 she can get 1 movie to watch on the weekend. If she has 11-15 she can get ???uhhhh I need reward ideas. We don't have video games or a Wii..hmm

Anyway, does that sound about right for how this will work?

Quoting Christy78:

   When my oldest was little I did the  colorful rocks in a jar and she started out with 10 in a jar . and if she did listen to her teacher I would take out    rocks ,  if she couldn't keep her hands and feet to her self 2 rocks were taken out .   I told her from the start of the we you have 10  rocks and if you do not have your 10 rocks  by  friday then  thier is no fun friday .   She is 14 yr old ( 15 in March)  My son I did the same thing with him  is  will be 11 yrs old Thrusday, My 7 yr old  did the same with her.    Now  I stil do it with all 3 but it;s different they have to earn the color rockls.  My oldest has to earn 60 rocks , my son has to earn 50 and my 7 yr old has to earn 40 rocks  and if hey all have what they earn they can get computer time , Tv, their DS games , play the WII but they  can only choose one  and if it the WII , DS games , Computer I set the timer for  50 mins and once the timer goes off .   Now since my oldest is a teen  she has her days  where is is sour, and rolls the eyes becasue she is mad . My 7 yr old is going on 30. to get they earn the rock for doing  a chore with out being told  and they can earn 5 rocks  for dong that .     Try this get  card stock  and make  3 big circles and color the first one red ,  the next one yellow and the last one green .  and get a close pen  write her name on it  and if she can stay on green . at the end of the week do something fun  with her   Sorry I wrote alot

 

 

   I got mine at walmart in the area where you can get the fake flowers. 

 

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