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How do I convince my DH to ttc?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Dh and I have one child. Ever since we got together we talked about having multiple children but now DH isn't so sure. Our LO will be 2 soon and I am having baby fever. I'm trying to convince DH that we should start ttc but he keeps saying no because of what I went through when I had our DD. That is his only reason. 

I had a very horrific labor and while I understand that he doesn't want that to happen again, we now know what to look out for and every pregnancy is different. How can I convince him that pregnancy #2 won't be bad just because pregnancy #1 was?

I should also add that I am very healthy now and I would consult with my OBGYN before ttc just to be sure that I'm physically ready. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:12 AM
Replies (11-20):
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:31 AM

I apologize if htis sounds crude, but you obviously learned what to do in that event. so -theoretically- you will be able to prevent it from happening again. not to mention you will probably be considered high risk and already get special preventative care etc etc. that if you get pregnant again your chances are pretty slim of the same thing happening again. the same is to be said about your blood pressure, you might not get that this time.

I say ask the doctor first then ask your husband. and good luck :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I went into labor a month early. I ended up having a seizure due to high blood pressure and I needed a c section and two surgeries after for internal bleeding. I had a difficult time waking up from the third surgery and woke up in ICU a few days later. It was a mess but I now know that I need to monitor my blood pressure a little more and that I need to go into the hospital when I start swelling too much. I never realized that my swelling was way past being normal. 

 

Quoting bustybee:

well what made it horrific? I'm all curious

 

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:32 AM
After reading your other reply you would be high risk pregnancy and i understand where your husband is coming from. I wouldn't want to ttc either. But that's just me


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't. But I also don't want to let the fear of what happened keep me from having more kids. 



Quoting Anonymous:

How do you know it won't be as bad as #1?





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:33 AM

I completely agree. It was my first pregnancy and everyone was telling me that swelling was normal so I didn't pay much attention to it. 

And I will probably have him go to the appointment with me so he can hear it from the doctor. I think that will help him a lot. 


Quoting bustybee:

I apologize if htis sounds crude, but you obviously learned what to do in that event. so -theoretically- you will be able to prevent it from happening again. not to mention you will probably be considered high risk and already get special preventative care etc etc. that if you get pregnant again your chances are pretty slim of the same thing happening again. the same is to be said about your blood pressure, you might not get that this time.

I say ask the doctor first then ask your husband. and good luck :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I went into labor a month early. I ended up having a seizure due to high blood pressure and I needed a c section and two surgeries after for internal bleeding. I had a difficult time waking up from the third surgery and woke up in ICU a few days later. It was a mess but I now know that I need to monitor my blood pressure a little more and that I need to go into the hospital when I start swelling too much. I never realized that my swelling was way past being normal. 


Quoting bustybee:

well what made it horrific? I'm all curious







Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:35 AM

I completely understand where he's coming from. I don't remember most of what happened and he was saw the entire thing so I think it scares him more than me. But I also know that they will keep a closer eye on me knowing what happened before. 


Quoting Anonymous:

After reading your other reply you would be high risk pregnancy and i understand where your husband is coming from. I wouldn't want to ttc either. But that's just me


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't. But I also don't want to let the fear of what happened keep me from having more kids. 



Quoting Anonymous:

How do you know it won't be as bad as #1?







Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:37 AM

Do some of the footwork.  Talk to your OB.

If your DH might be traumatized, perhaps some talk therapy could help you both come to terms?

eykelley
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:37 AM
My dh feared he'd lose me. He was scared he lose his child again. Our daughter, Brianna Hope, was what made us grow together. Losing he (at 18w utero) was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It broke his heart. And then the fear of losing both his son and I during my second pregnancy showed him the reality of childbirth. Getting PG with our 2nd daughter took a lot of time and I had actually given up on having another baby. But, when we found the OB I had, it eased his mind. I want another one in a few years but I'm not sure I'll push. Lol.

He loves you. And I doubt he doesn't want another one, but fears the possibilities. U need to be honest w/ him. And when you find a good OB u should both go and ask all the questions you have. :) gl momma.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine going through that. I realize that he just needs time but my fear is that he'll keep reliving that day instead of moving on. Dd was perfectly healthy the entire time. 

I will definitely have him go to the OB with me just to help ease his mind a little. 



Quoting eykelley:

My first pregnancy resulted in a loss of dh's and my dd. it was horrid. My 2nd pregnancy wasn't planned but my labor was horrid as well. I went into ptl at 32 weeks, and had to have an emergency Csec. It took 4 1/2 yeas for dh to consent to another baby. I found a great on who cared for my special high risk needs and had my beautiful dd 5 months ago.



Give him time. His fears are real and u both should see an OB and talk about them before even attempting to convince him to TTC. :)





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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:38 AM

That's a great idea. I think it would help him a lot to talk to someone. He doesn't like talking about it at all, even with me. I ask questions a lot because I don't remember anything and I really want to know what went on when my child was born and he will barely answer me. Maybe talking to a therapist will help him sort things out. 


Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Do some of the footwork.  Talk to your OB.

If your DH might be traumatized, perhaps some talk therapy could help you both come to terms?



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:40 AM
You think? You should know it did! How could it not? In his mind and from where he was standing he almost lost you! And doctors would either closely monitor you label you high rish or just flat out tell you pregnancy might be not such a good idea and not just for your health and safety but the baby as well.

Quoting Anonymous:

I completely understand where he's coming from. I don't remember most of what happened and he was saw the entire thing so I think it scares him more than me. But I also know that they will keep a closer eye on me knowing what happened before. 



Quoting Anonymous:

After reading your other reply you would be high risk pregnancy and i understand where your husband is coming from. I wouldn't want to ttc either. But that's just me





Quoting Anonymous:

I don't. But I also don't want to let the fear of what happened keep me from having more kids. 




Quoting Anonymous:

How do you know it won't be as bad as #1?












Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:40 AM

I know he loves me and I understand his concerns. I just don't know what to say to make him feel any differently.

Thank you so much! 


Quoting eykelley:

My dh feared he'd lose me. He was scared he lose his child again. Our daughter, Brianna Hope, was what made us grow together. Losing he (at 18w utero) was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It broke his heart. And then the fear of losing both his son and I during my second pregnancy showed him the reality of childbirth. Getting PG with our 2nd daughter took a lot of time and I had actually given up on having another baby. But, when we found the OB I had, it eased his mind. I want another one in a few years but I'm not sure I'll push. Lol.

He loves you. And I doubt he doesn't want another one, but fears the possibilities. U need to be honest w/ him. And when you find a good OB u should both go and ask all the questions you have. :) gl momma.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine going through that. I realize that he just needs time but my fear is that he'll keep reliving that day instead of moving on. Dd was perfectly healthy the entire time. 

I will definitely have him go to the OB with me just to help ease his mind a little. 



Quoting eykelley:

My first pregnancy resulted in a loss of dh's and my dd. it was horrid. My 2nd pregnancy wasn't planned but my labor was horrid as well. I went into ptl at 32 weeks, and had to have an emergency Csec. It took 4 1/2 yeas for dh to consent to another baby. I found a great on who cared for my special high risk needs and had my beautiful dd 5 months ago.



Give him time. His fears are real and u both should see an OB and talk about them before even attempting to convince him to TTC. :)







Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:40 AM

It might also help if you get the notes from the doctor and talk to him about what happened during the delivery and the chances it could happen again.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's a great idea. I think it would help him a lot to talk to someone. He doesn't like talking about it at all, even with me. I ask questions a lot because I don't remember anything and I really want to know what went on when my child was born and he will barely answer me. Maybe talking to a therapist will help him sort things out. 


Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

Do some of the footwork.  Talk to your OB.

If your DH might be traumatized, perhaps some talk therapy could help you both come to terms?





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