I think I'm going to get a couple of bags and make them get rid of most of their toys. Donate the good ones, toss the ones they've ruined. I also think I'm going to put away the tvs and game systems for a while. They're so ungrateful for everything. We took them out to eat last night...which was fine...then DH got the boys new controllers for their ps3 since theirs are old and don't work half the time. He didn't get a new cord to charge them, though...not knowing their other cord was messed up. So SS yells at him about it. DH was so defeated by that point in the night that he just told SS to go away.
We hadn't been arguing, but we were both annoyed with each other. DH called me on his way home and told me to get everyone ready because he'd be home in 20 minutes and we'd go eat. Except when he got here, he spent an hour on the phone with his boss. Not about work...about family drama. He was on the phone for an hour and a half total because he was talking most of the way to the restaraunt. I couldn't even kiss him hello when he got home and neither could the kids...nor could I have a 5 minute conversation with him about where to go eat. It's not a big deal in itself, but the fact that this kind of thing ALWAYS happens...he is ALWAYS on the phone with his boss or going somewhere or doing something that's not in his job description because his boss's wife can't handle their kids and expects him to stay home all day. This keeps DH away from his own family. I'm tired of feeling like we're on the back burner, we're second to his boss and his boss's family. I understand he has to work, I understand he has to talk to his boss about work things even after he gets home...but I don't understand why his boss expects him to handle and listen to all his personal bullshit at the kids' and my expense. So I was annoyed.
Then DH wanted to stop and get the controllers on the way home. I had already had to sit in the car with the kids for an hour before when he had to go in and cash his check. They were restless, a couple of them had to pee, they were acting crazy, and I really didn't want to sit in the car with them again for him to go in the store. I figured he could've gone to buy them today. I also didn't know what he was going in the store for at first. I had the money in my purse and he asked me to hand him some. I asked him what he was buying...because I didn't know. The money is ours, I wasn't trying to be like I had to give him permission to buy something if I thought it was worth it. I was just asking. He totally got all weird, got upset because I control everything and he never gets to decide what to buy. He's CRAZY! When we got home, I separated the money out into envelopes labeled for what had to be paid. He said he never gets to decide. We went over this TOGETHER before he got paid! And he was the one who told me what needed to get paid this week!
So I've been up since 3am arguing. About the strain of me going to school, about how I'm bad at organization, about how I make him feel like he never does anything right, about how ungrateful the kids are, about how even though he GAVE ME THE MONEY to handle the bills because he didn't want the stress of it, I never let him decide where it goes and he always has to ask before he buys anything. Well, yeah, you gave me the bills so it's my job to know what we have left. It's not asking my permission, it's asking if we have enough left over to get something you want. I never don't give it to him when we have it. Sometimes we just don't have it. So I told him to handle the bills from now on, I don't want to anymore. And the rest of that shit...well, oh well... He makes me feel like I don't do anything right. Him and the whole rest of my family. He says he feels like whatever he does is never good enough...well la di frickin da, how do you think it feels to have your mother always on you about how you're raising your kids, or your father on you about one thing or another, or your grandmother on you for how you dress or have your hair cut, or someone always complaining about what's for dinner, or a 10 yr old always trying to tell you how you need to be taking care of your 2 yr old or nit picking everything you do to death? Or being told about all the shit you're not good at, having it pointed out to you by your significant other all the time?
You know, I miss when he used to think I was amazing and everything I did was great. I'm no different now, I just don't think he's in love with me anymore. I know he loves me, neither of us are going anywhere, but he just doesn't look at me the same. He said something to me about the money I spent to dye my hair. I only did it because I thought he'd like it. I mean, I like it, but Idc about my hair really.
Wonderful start to a craptastic day. My eyes burn from crying, I'm exhausted, and it's time to get the kids up for school so I can hear them bicker and complain now, too. Awesome.