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Why should the Bio Mom be involved at all

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:57 AM
  • 374 Replies
3 moms liked this
If you gave your child up for adoption then why do you stay around in the child's life? Wouldn't that complicate things a little for the kids actual family? If you didn't want the baby and gave it up shouldn't you back off and not be in that child's life so it can have a normal life with its real family?

Alternatively. Why do adoptive moms allow this? Baby momma drama from a baby momma that doesn't even want the kid. Everytime I see one of those situations I think the BM wants to play mom without having to support the kid. I know it is probably not like that but anyone care to offer insight on what it is like?
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:57 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:59 AM
7 moms liked this

I agree, the idea of open adoption is the stupidest thing ever. "I don't want to raise my child, but I want you to and I want the benefit of staying around to watch". I'd never agree to that. I'd move half way across the country with my newly adopted child and change everyone's names so they couldn't find us.

Mazie0723
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:00 AM
16 moms liked this
I gave a son up for adoption 11 years ago. I talk to his mom because she added me on Facebook and I've only talked to him twice. She loves that I am there if he wants to talk to me. I have yet to meet him in person. But I also don't cause any drama in their lives. I love that I can meet him when I am ready.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:01 AM
30 moms liked this

To early for so damn much ignorance.

motherslove82
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:01 AM
8 moms liked this
I've never given a child up, but just because a woman does so doesn't mean she didn't want the baby. I'm sure they still love the baby and want to see how he or she is doing. IMO, I think it's like trying to have the best of both worlds. They get the good parts of being a parent without the hard parts. If it works, and the adoptive patents are ok with it, who cares? A child can never be loved by too many people.
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randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:03 AM
38 moms liked this

Because that is not how it is.  You're basically assuming the mother is some irresponsible ass hat who still hasn't gotten her crap together when that is so far from the truth with most mothers involved with open adoption.  Yes, there are some bad apples, but that doesn't mean all will be like that.

Both families are very real.  I don't care for that term "real".  Both are real.  And the vast majority of women do not surrender because they didn't want the child.  Many did want their children and for whatever reason (mostly financial and lack of emotional support), decided to relinquish.  If the family that adopts promises an open adoption, they should up hold it, plain and simple. 

For some mothers, the closest they get are updates and pictures, and visits might be annual, if that.  A child has a right to know where they came from as well and as long as everyone is on the same page, that's all the matters.  It is beneficial to the child and does not cause confusion.  A lot of professionals actually encouage it.

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:04 AM
3 moms liked this

Then don't promise or agree to being in an open adoption.  Not that hard. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree, the idea of open adoption is the stupidest thing ever. "I don't want to raise my child, but I want you to and I want the benefit of staying around to watch". I'd never agree to that. I'd move half way across the country with my newly adopted child and change everyone's names so they couldn't find us.


kris0921
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:05 AM
Some BM have other kids, and choose to give this baby a life instead of take it away, but cannot support another child. So they give the baby up and have an open adoption. But with my understanding, an adopted parent can close the adoption at anytime.
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LyTe684
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it's always about not wanting the baby. I can see why some chose to stay involved.

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:07 AM
2 moms liked this

And it's no co-parenting, I should add.  Roles are clearly outlined.  The child knows who their mom and dad are and understand the mother's role in their life.  More like a distant relative visit, if anything (again, once a year, unless the two families decide they click well enough to get together more often).

Pnukey
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:07 AM

I agree with wanting to play mom without having to support the kid. When we were adopting my younger brother, it took years because his mom, who lost him to the foster system for being a crappy mom, would waffle back and forth. She'd visit him and confuse him and make him cry. He didn't know her, but she wanted to be mommy too. Eventually, when she lost all her kids, we were allowed to adopt him. He's 30 now and found her a few years ago. She still hasn't gotten her life together. 

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