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Why should the Bio Mom be involved at all

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If you gave your child up for adoption then why do you stay around in the child's life? Wouldn't that complicate things a little for the kids actual family? If you didn't want the baby and gave it up shouldn't you back off and not be in that child's life so it can have a normal life with its real family?

Alternatively. Why do adoptive moms allow this? Baby momma drama from a baby momma that doesn't even want the kid. Everytime I see one of those situations I think the BM wants to play mom without having to support the kid. I know it is probably not like that but anyone care to offer insight on what it is like?
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:57 AM
Replies (371-374):
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:05 PM

throwing up...I wish I had been given the option of being in my child's life.  Instead I was lied to in order to get my baby and then had the adoption closed.  I can guess they did it because they didn't want me to see what shitty parents they are.  Which I learned this past January when we were reunited.

-The Squished Hippie and  Yoda of babywearing

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by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:07 PM

i agree open adoption is very risky and can be confusing if either party can't handle the boundries 

i am sure some make it work and it is their blessing --- but would imagine that is not the norm 

by Meanie Pants on Apr. 22, 2013 at 10:05 PM

Wait so you searched for this post more than 2 months later to reply and bitch about it. Wow. 

Quoting Anonymous:

This kind of mind set gives me FLASH BACKS to my Adoptive Joke of a Mothers NARROW minded, self centered and total IGNORANCE! One could say.... If the mother gave them up, The "Birth Mother" should never be allowed to see them again. One could also say..... If you wanted "Ownership" then you should have given birth to your "Own" child then!!!! The big picture here is the bickering back and forth between Birth V.S. Adoptive is EXACTLY why most adoptee's have emotional problems to begin with.... It's is the life of a helpless human child having life altering decisions made for them, They never did, nor would they have agreed to if given the choice, Upon turning 18 the grown human should have all the same civil rights as the rest of the world and be able to made the choice to know, or not to know who gave birth to them, it's a basic human right, Why should we have to play the "Greatfull" adoptee the rest of our life, Sorry but instead of pretending another womans child is "Yours" Did you ever think about the kids feelings and not your own selfish need for an Infertility cure!

by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:44 AM

I love the open adoption I have with my son's birth mother!  We visit regularly, spend holidays and birthdays together and we treat each other like extended family members.  My son is now 5 1/2 and I have had him since he was 2 days old.  His birth mother is getting married next month and my son will be the ring bearer at the wedding.  In December we all went to Reno and took all of the kids to the snow for the weekend.  She has a 9 year old daughter and a 3 year old daughter. When she was pregnant with my son she was on drugs, living with whoever would let her stay with them and his dad was in prison.  

After she had the baby and gave him up she really went down hill, got arrested twice in one dayday, had a loser boyfriend who beat her up and kicked her out on the streets.  She went back to him and ended up pregnant again.  He beat her and she lost the baby.  She went back again and got pregnant again.  As soon as she found out she was pregnant, she went and turned herself in at the jail where she had two warrants.  That totally turned her life around.  She got off drugs, took a parenting class and dumped the boyfriend.  She had the baby girl and the baby's dad ended up getting 21 years in prison for a manslaughter he did while she was in jail.  We started visiting on a regular basis and even babysit for each other occasionally.  

I love that my son gets to know his sisters and has ready access to his birth mother when he has questions.  He knows who she is and is well aware of the family dynamic.  Even though we are close and comfortable  each other, BM does not over step her boundaries.  She refers to me as his Mom, he calls her by her first name and if he does something wrong she will tell me and let me handle it.  

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