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Am I over reacting?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
DH had plans to adopt my DD before we got married. Now here it is a month later and he said he does not want to adopt her because -IF- we divorce he's left paying child support for a baby that isn't his.
Those were his exact words, and I'm very sensitive to the situation because DD's bio-dad does not want to see her, hear about her, or pay child support. He was going to willingly sign over rights. I just don't understand why he would not WANT his child.
So when he told me that, of course it makes me feel like he does not love and care for my DD. He has been very involved in her life since she was born and my DD adores him, but because we may not stay together he doesn't want to adopt her. She is almost a year old, no matter if he adopts her or not that's the only daddy she has ever known, so even if we did get divorced later down the road that would still be her dad in her eyes at least.

Am I being irrational over this? He doesn't see my side and I have no intention of getting divorced, I love him and his daughter as much as I love my own, but my feelings are really hurt by this.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:39 AM

I think you have a right to be hurt and upset. 

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow...

I'd probably feel the same way as you. In fact, we wouldn't be getting married. Not because I'm being dramatic, but because I'd see that as a huge red flag.
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MOMMYSLOVE13
by ♥♥Brandi♥♥ on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

 Hello he doesnt see the rest of his life with you. Im sorry that he is such an ass.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

It would be a deal breaker for me,  he seems to be going into this marriage with you planning to fail. 

idunno1234
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Look, I understand why this is hurtful but you state that he doesn't see your side and I have to wonder, do you see his?

He has every right, even a responsibiity to think very carefully about this.  Your baby is not even a year old which implies your marriage is still pretty new and you guys had to have moved pretty quickly into this committment.  He may love you and your baby but that doesn't mean rushing headlong into a decision that will affect him and your child for the rest of their lives.  What's the rush??? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

No, I don't think you're overreacting.  He's going back on something he said he would do. Basically telling you that he doesn't think your marriage will last.  And (this may be the irrational part) he doesn't love your dd enough to be willing to be responsible for her in the event of a divorce.  Yep, he's being an ass.

sdks2011
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this
I think I would be more worried about the fact he isn't secure enough in the relationship to feel it will stand the test of time. Why is he worried you won't make it and may get divorced? I wouldn't marry him if he feels this way...too many people enter into a marriage with the idea that if it doesn't work, we can always divorce...it just isn't right...way is marriage not sacred anymore? I am sorry he has changed his mind...my husband is the only father my daughter has known and no matter what, he will always be her daddy...he said this before we married and still feels this way 6 years into the marriage. I would sit down and talk this out in depth before the "I dos". I'm sorry you and her are going through this...GL
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happinessforyou
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:45 AM

If you have no intention of divorcing over it-you have to stop re-living it. Let it go.....

Saille717
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:46 AM
3 moms liked this

I think he's been a real asshole for waiting until AFTER the wedding to tell you how he really feels.  I understand where he's coming from in a sense, but that's a real depressing situation, that he's looking at divorce and child support issues a whole month into your marriage?  Damn.  

gblossom
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

thiiiiis


Quoting Litlmama87:

Wow...

I'd probably feel the same way as you. In fact, we wouldn't be getting married. Not because I'm being dramatic, but because I'd see that as a huge red flag.



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