Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Help! I need help with my daughter!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
Ok, I am in some serious need of advice. My dd is 6. She always comes first and always will. She is going through something right now and I am not sure how to help her or fix it.



Here is a little back story. She has never met her father. He was abusive and I left while pregnant. He decided that since I left the relationship, that he would never have anything to do with dd. When dd was just over a year old, I started dating a good guy friend of ours who was in the military. When she was 2, we got married. After he got out of the military, he couldnt handle civilian life. He changed and became abusive. He said he didnt want help. We separated and divorced when she was around 4.



I had remained single for awhile. Early last year, my dd had lots of issues with learning, focusing and behaviors. We were told to see her pedi, and he had us go see a psychiatrist. After many appointments and lots of testing, she was diagnosed with SPD and moderate/severe ADHD. I didnt medicate right away. I changed her diet completely and she does activities to burn her energy. But her school work was suffering and it wasnt helping.



So shes now on a low dose of meds. They help a little, but wear off extremely fast.



Here's my problem. Almost a year ago, I started dating someone. Someone I've known for years. We've taken things slow. My dd loves my SO. She tells me that often. When he's not here, she's asking when he's coming over again. She even asked me if she could marry him when she's all grown up someday. Haha But despite all of that, for the past two months she's been treating him like crap to his face! Horrible attitudes. If he asks her to please pick something up she just says no or ignores him. She even said "hey fatty." To him last week! All of that is very disrespectful and not tolerated! I discipline her when this happens. My SO does not discipline her as that is my job.



My SO is sooooooooooo stressed out by her. He told me he's not sure how much more he can handle and has thought about leaving. He said he doesn't want to leave, but her blatant disrespect is really affecting him.



I've had talks with dd asking if maybe she doesnt like SO, but she swears she does and she says she doesnt know why shes so mean to him.



Have any of you ever been through this before? What should I do?!
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:01 PM
Bump!
klbetts
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:10 PM
2 moms liked this
It sounds to me like she is acting out her insecurities. She's seen the only father figure she's known walk away. Now there is another man in her life she is afraid he will walk out too. Have you actually sat down with her and asked her why she does this? Do you get another answer beside "I don't know." My DD did this when DH and I moved in together. The behavior was punished but we also had a lot of talks about why she was acting out. We still do. Once DD realized that dh was here to stay the acting out got much better!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TDMumof3
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:17 PM
I havent been in this situation as my childrebs father is here in their life and we Are together but i agree.

Quoting klbetts:

It sounds to me like she is acting out her insecurities. She's seen the only father figure she's known walk away. Now there is another man in her life she is afraid he will walk out too. Have you actually sat down with her and asked her why she does this? Do you get another answer beside "I don't know." My DD did this when DH and I moved in together. The behavior was punished but we also had a lot of talks about why she was acting out. We still do. Once DD realized that dh was here to stay the acting out got much better!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kaiser10123
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:22 PM
That sucks I'm sorry and I also thought the same thing as another mom stated. She may be worried that he to will leave. It's like any relationship if we feel they're gonna just leave us anyways we do things to sabotage that relationship so it speeds up quicker because we feel like its just gonna happen anyways. (Well us with abandonment issues) Deep down I don't think she wants him gone, she may actually want him to stay but she's unsure that's all. I understand him wanting leave but if he knows your past then instead of leaving he should say hey I'm going to pull back a little but still be here. Try redirecting her name calling what's her diet like? My DF has ADHD and once his diet was changed he didn't need the Meds anymore. Ok I see u said you changed her diet but the Meds helped...
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:22 PM

maybe she has resentment towards him but doesn't understand what her feelings are. I was that way when my mom started dating again. I liked him, I really did. But later in life I realized i resented the hell out of him for taking my moms attention off of me. I was used to being her one and only and all her attention was focused on me 24/7. Maybe try talking to her about that. Reassure her that just because your spending time with him that she is still most important and that you will always be there for her and love her. Maybe do some special mommy and me activites. And then some special mommy, me and so activities? Maybe even have the two of them do something together to bond over?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:25 PM
It could be the meds. When I was on meds for ADD, my whole personality changed. From what I read, she wasn't like that before starting the meds. Right?
ilana_ny
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:27 PM

I know I'll sound crazy, but can she be a little jeliouse of him and you???How old he she????

I remember having crash on my third uncle as a little girl(7-8yo). I was so jeliouse of his GF. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:29 PM
My DD calls my bf an asshole, so count your blessings that she only said fatty.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:36 PM
I have asked her numerous times why she acts like that. The only answer shes ever said is that she doesnt know. But shes also said while her and I have watched say yes to the dress together that she never wants me to ever get married again and never wants me to have a baby. I asked her why she feels this way and she says because she wants to be by me at all times and doesnt want to share me. I've told her a gazillion times that even if mommy were to ever get married or have a baby that she is still my baby girl, and ill ALWAYS be there for her, and ill ALWAYS. Spend my time with her. But its like she doesnt believe me. Her and I are ALWAYS together. 24/7. I dont go out much. Its been 4 months since I've gone anywhere without her.

Quoting klbetts:

It sounds to me like she is acting out her insecurities. She's seen the only father figure she's known walk away. Now there is another man in her life she is afraid he will walk out too. Have you actually sat down with her and asked her why she does this? Do you get another answer beside "I don't know." My DD did this when DH and I moved in together. The behavior was punished but we also had a lot of talks about why she was acting out. We still do. Once DD realized that dh was here to stay the acting out got much better!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)