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Help! I need help with my daughter!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ok, I am in some serious need of advice. My dd is 6. She always comes first and always will. She is going through something right now and I am not sure how to help her or fix it.



Here is a little back story. She has never met her father. He was abusive and I left while pregnant. He decided that since I left the relationship, that he would never have anything to do with dd. When dd was just over a year old, I started dating a good guy friend of ours who was in the military. When she was 2, we got married. After he got out of the military, he couldnt handle civilian life. He changed and became abusive. He said he didnt want help. We separated and divorced when she was around 4.



I had remained single for awhile. Early last year, my dd had lots of issues with learning, focusing and behaviors. We were told to see her pedi, and he had us go see a psychiatrist. After many appointments and lots of testing, she was diagnosed with SPD and moderate/severe ADHD. I didnt medicate right away. I changed her diet completely and she does activities to burn her energy. But her school work was suffering and it wasnt helping.



So shes now on a low dose of meds. They help a little, but wear off extremely fast.



Here's my problem. Almost a year ago, I started dating someone. Someone I've known for years. We've taken things slow. My dd loves my SO. She tells me that often. When he's not here, she's asking when he's coming over again. She even asked me if she could marry him when she's all grown up someday. Haha But despite all of that, for the past two months she's been treating him like crap to his face! Horrible attitudes. If he asks her to please pick something up she just says no or ignores him. She even said "hey fatty." To him last week! All of that is very disrespectful and not tolerated! I discipline her when this happens. My SO does not discipline her as that is my job.



My SO is sooooooooooo stressed out by her. He told me he's not sure how much more he can handle and has thought about leaving. He said he doesn't want to leave, but her blatant disrespect is really affecting him.



I've had talks with dd asking if maybe she doesnt like SO, but she swears she does and she says she doesnt know why shes so mean to him.



Have any of you ever been through this before? What should I do?!
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:53 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:40 PM
Yeah I got rid of preservitives, gluten, the dyes and fake sugars. She eats very healthy.

I just have no clue what to do. My SO hasnt dated anyone with a kid before, let alone a child with adhd. He has no clue how to cope with the stress and he says the last thing he wants to do is leave but its getting hard to enjoy being around dd because shes so mean to him. But as soon as he leaves to go home she gets sad and says she wants him to come over and misses him.

Quoting kaiser10123:

That sucks I'm sorry and I also thought the same thing as another mom stated. She may be worried that he to will leave. It's like any relationship if we feel they're gonna just leave us anyways we do things to sabotage that relationship so it speeds up quicker because we feel like its just gonna happen anyways. (Well us with abandonment issues) Deep down I don't think she wants him gone, she may actually want him to stay but she's unsure that's all. I understand him wanting leave but if he knows your past then instead of leaving he should say hey I'm going to pull back a little but still be here. Try redirecting her name calling what's her diet like? My DF has ADHD and once his diet was changed he didn't need the Meds anymore. Ok I see u said you changed her diet but the Meds helped...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:42 PM
I kinda addressed these questions in a previous reply. And I think thats part of the problem as well. She's always with me. We always do things together.

Quoting Anonymous:

maybe she has resentment towards him but doesn't understand what her feelings are. I was that way when my mom started dating again. I liked him, I really did. But later in life I realized i resented the hell out of him for taking my moms attention off of me. I was used to being her one and only and all her attention was focused on me 24/7. Maybe try talking to her about that. Reassure her that just because your spending time with him that she is still most important and that you will always be there for her and love her. Maybe do some special mommy and me activites. And then some special mommy, me and so activities? Maybe even have the two of them do something together to bond over?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Her behaviors started to get really bad after she started school. She started all day kindergarten this year. I asked her if maybe someone at school was being mean to her or anything and she kept saying no.

Quoting Anonymous:

It could be the meds. When I was on meds for ADD, my whole personality changed. From what I read, she wasn't like that before starting the meds. Right?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Im not sure. Maybe? She's 6.

Quoting ilana_ny:

I know I'll sound crazy, but can she be a little jeliouse of him and you???How old he she????

I remember having crash on my third uncle as a little girl(7-8yo). I was so jeliouse of his GF. 

MOMMYSLOVE13
by ♥♥Brandi♥♥ on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Lose the man, this is your daughter. End of story,

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Oh wow. :-(

Quoting Anonymous:

My DD calls my bf an asshole, so count your blessings that she only said fatty.
BeautyFull
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:47 PM

I was just sharing with another Mom...

I just heard this testimony from a doctor.

He was under alot of stress between work and Dr's trying to diagnose his son with ADHD.  He was taking this product which is a herbal all natural product.  He said it really helped him so much he decided to give it to his son also "because its all natural"....He amazingly his son became alot calmer and started to do so well in school now he is the top of his class. 

I cant give you all the details on the open forum, but if you inbox me I will show you the video because it was recorded, and tell you more about the product.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:47 PM
She has PTSD from my ex choking her, then beating me unconcious, then rolling me up in a blanket and trying to kill me, while making her watch. She has lots of issues that we are working through.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh wow. :-(



Quoting Anonymous:

My DD calls my bf an asshole, so count your blessings that she only said fatty.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:48 PM
My SO has done nothing wrong. If he wants to leave, then he can leave. There is obviously something going on with my dd that needs to be figured out regardless.She likes my SO. But if it turns out to be that she just wants me all to herself and doesnt ever want me to date, well thats not healthy and needs to be addressed. My daughter will always come first. Hence why I want to figure out why shes acting this way so I can help her.

Quoting MOMMYSLOVE13:

Lose the man, this is your daughter. End of story,

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:49 PM
Hmmmm. She might be too stimulated. My dd had trouble the couple weeks before they got out for Christmas because of all the decorations and parties and programs but her teacher immediately recognized the problem and was able to help her focus. Could she be too stimulated by something at school or in the classroom?


Quoting Anonymous:

Her behaviors started to get really bad after she started school. She started all day kindergarten this year. I asked her if maybe someone at school was being mean to her or anything and she kept saying no.



Quoting Anonymous:

It could be the meds. When I was on meds for ADD, my whole personality changed. From what I read, she wasn't like that before starting the meds. Right?

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