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My husband is abusing me.. is it possible to save our marriage? UPDATE on page 32

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 I've been with my husband for three years.  We have two small children together. 

 The abuse didn't start until i was pregnant with our first child. When I say abuse, I want to clarify what I'm talking about. He's emotionally and verbally abusive in a sence that he belittles me frequently, talks to me like I'm inferior to him, screams at me & picks on me for my shortcomings, usually when we are fighting. He always seems to find a way to blame me whenever things happen. When he hits me, its always out of anger and doesn't happen on a constant basis. It usually depends on how stressed out he is. He doesn't usually leave bruise marks. He chokes and punches me. Never in the face but he has punched me in the back of the head a few times. 

Today we got into an arguement  over struggles that we are having financially. I feel like we should handle these things together, but he always  gets worked up and takes it out on me. Today we were in our bedroom. The kids were playing & I was trying to talk to him about our situation. He took a temper tantrum and walked off. You would think the fact that I know how he gets when he's upset would have made me stay upstairs, and I should have, but I went downstairs & tried to talk to him. I left the children upstairs, baby gate was up so they couldn't get out. Things got heated between him and I so I went upstairs to sit with my kids. When I got up there, they were sitting on my bed covered head to toe in powdered Ajax. I hid it behind my dresser awhile ago and forgot about it. My oldest toddler somehow found it (it wasn't out in the open or an easy to reach place I swear). I panicked and ran them into the bathtub. I brang them downstairs to get diapers put on them. I handed my youngest to him (1 yo) and started putting a diaper on my toddler. He suddenly freaked out. He sat the baby on the couch, ran over to me and started punching me. I huddled in a ball & kept repeating "please stop, please stop". My children were crying and that made me cry. Eventually he did stop. The children getting into Ajax was the trigger, he was angry because I "allowed" it to happen.  This was probably the worst incedence as of now. 

I desperately want to make my marriage work. He's a good man and I know he loves me, as surprising as that sounds. He grew up in a very violent home and doesn't seem to know how to have a normal relationship. He feels like he has to "punish" me when he feels I've done wrong. He has a very sweet side  typically and hasn't hit our kids. 

What I'm worried about is firstly, he doesn't mind doing this in front of our kids and lastly he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (311-320):
by Anonymous 68 on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:09 AM
4 moms liked this

This is not a good man or person. A good man can be upset without the physical or verbal abuse.  He may have a few good qualities but they are severely overshadowed by the bad.  Please take your children and get help and get out.  They are going to be emotionally scarred by this.  You already are.  Find a shelter or get help from family. 

It is possible to change.  If you are going to stay married, he need intensive therapy while out of your home.  He need s major help.  Read what you wrote.  If you had a friend in that situation what would you tell her?

by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this

He is not a good man and he is not a good father or husband.  You say he grew up in a violent home.  Well, now your kids are growing up in a violent home.  Will your grandchildren also grow up in one as the cycle continues?  You need to take your children and leave.  End of story.

by Anonymous 65 on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:18 AM
2 moms liked this
I want to add that if you stay and something happens to the kids you will be just as responsible as that fucker is.

Quoting Anonymous:

if you stay with that pos then I hope your kids get taken to a safe place. If you want your ass beat that's on you but how fucking dare you put those babies in harms way. Leave before he hurts the kids more than he has already. Seeing that DOES mess with them.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:23 AM

NO! Get out NOW!

by Anonymous 69 on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Omg! Do you want your kids to do the same thing or get abused by their partner when they get older. You could die and what would happen to your kids? They are next in line now or later when they grow up. Don't lie to yourself, you and your kids are worth respect and love a truly good man or woman will give.

Quoting shivasgirl:

why would you want to? I believe in doing whatever it takes to make your marriage work, but physical abuse is the line in the sand

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Oh sweetheart, you have got to get out of there.  This man will not change.  It is commendable of you to want to work it out, but please acknowledge that this reaction is just part of being an abused woman.  He doesnt deserve you, he doesn't deserve his kids.  He doesn't deserve to be free.  Please, please, know that you are not alone and there are programs available to help you.  Please seek some help to keep you and your babies safe.  Pictures and an immediate call to the cops is a good first step.  I'm so sorry. This story makes me sad and I've never been hit by a man, but I am sad for you and I really hope you are able to SNAP out of it and do what is right for you and your kids.  That being living in a healthy, happy non-abusive home. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:49 AM
38 moms liked this

Hi guys, I want to thank all of you for your kind words and supportment.. it meaned more to me last night then you know. I listened to everything everyone had to say, and spent half of my night awake thinking. You are all right.. this has to stop NOW. I did alot of research last night and found a well reputed therapist that deals specifically with domestic abuse. I talked to my husband when he woke up & he agreed  that he needs help. I called and made an appointment for next week. I told him that if he doesn't go through with this &  lays his hands on me  ONE more time the girls and I are gone. I told him that I wouldn't call the police, but  I will file for divorce.  I have high expectations that this will work. If not, I've already planned on leaving without him knowing and going to my brothers  (he lives 3 hours away, my husband has never been to his house) & taking it from there. Fingers crossed, this will work though! Thank you for letting me lean on your shoulders ladies :')

by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:54 AM
4 moms liked this

Why wouldn't you call the police and get the abuse documented?

by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree that if something happens to your children, you should be help partly responsible. Do you love this asshole more than your kids?

by Anonymous 70 on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Why the fuck wouldn't you call the police??
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