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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My husband is abusing me.. is it possible to save our marriage? UPDATE on page 32

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 I've been with my husband for three years.  We have two small children together. 

 The abuse didn't start until i was pregnant with our first child. When I say abuse, I want to clarify what I'm talking about. He's emotionally and verbally abusive in a sence that he belittles me frequently, talks to me like I'm inferior to him, screams at me & picks on me for my shortcomings, usually when we are fighting. He always seems to find a way to blame me whenever things happen. When he hits me, its always out of anger and doesn't happen on a constant basis. It usually depends on how stressed out he is. He doesn't usually leave bruise marks. He chokes and punches me. Never in the face but he has punched me in the back of the head a few times. 

Today we got into an arguement  over struggles that we are having financially. I feel like we should handle these things together, but he always  gets worked up and takes it out on me. Today we were in our bedroom. The kids were playing & I was trying to talk to him about our situation. He took a temper tantrum and walked off. You would think the fact that I know how he gets when he's upset would have made me stay upstairs, and I should have, but I went downstairs & tried to talk to him. I left the children upstairs, baby gate was up so they couldn't get out. Things got heated between him and I so I went upstairs to sit with my kids. When I got up there, they were sitting on my bed covered head to toe in powdered Ajax. I hid it behind my dresser awhile ago and forgot about it. My oldest toddler somehow found it (it wasn't out in the open or an easy to reach place I swear). I panicked and ran them into the bathtub. I brang them downstairs to get diapers put on them. I handed my youngest to him (1 yo) and started putting a diaper on my toddler. He suddenly freaked out. He sat the baby on the couch, ran over to me and started punching me. I huddled in a ball & kept repeating "please stop, please stop". My children were crying and that made me cry. Eventually he did stop. The children getting into Ajax was the trigger, he was angry because I "allowed" it to happen.  This was probably the worst incedence as of now. 

I desperately want to make my marriage work. He's a good man and I know he loves me, as surprising as that sounds. He grew up in a very violent home and doesn't seem to know how to have a normal relationship. He feels like he has to "punish" me when he feels I've done wrong. He has a very sweet side  typically and hasn't hit our kids. 

What I'm worried about is firstly, he doesn't mind doing this in front of our kids and lastly he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 


 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (11-20):
reava
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:46 PM
2 moms liked this
It may be possible but it is unlikely that you will be able to fix it before he kills you. Leave now. Do it for your kids before he ends up hurting them too.
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graybealgirl
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Leave while u still can and never look back. Do it for u and the kids safety
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SciFiMama91
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:47 PM
2 moms liked this
Please please leave. As a child I watched my mother get beat and I have never been more sacred/angry. Do not put your children through that. Also, eventually he will hurt them too.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Get you an iron skillet.
CotterpinDoozer
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:48 PM

I'm sorry, he's not a good man if he behaves this way. You say you love him, but is he worth that love? No he isn't. He puts his hands on you and call yous names, and picks on you, and that's never acceptable. You have to love yourself, and you have to show your kids that this kind of behavior is not acceptable. Get out, and get out fast.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:48 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm not one to scream "leave him" but honey, there's no making this work. So for probably the first time in my year and a half history on CafeMom I shall say it: leave. I have not heard a single "success" story of an abusive relationship. The only success is when the couple calls it quits. And yes I speak from experience. He's a manipulator. I've been in an abusive relationship, the belittling of you is his way of making you feel you need to stay. For yourself and your children; you need to leave.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:48 PM
3 moms liked this

Run baby run. Your children will do the same if they grow up watching this. Count on it. Do it for them. Take pictures and give them to someone you trust or put in a safety deposit box.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:48 PM

Once a man abuses someone, he won't change.  Get out.

Quote:

I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 

mommy_279
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:49 PM
This so so true please listen to this


Quoting weezer_cookie:

HE IS NOT A GOOD MAN!!!! Fucking leave him!!! Your kids deserve better. Do you want them to think this is an acceptable way to be treated or how to treat their partner?! Because that is exactly what you're doing by staying. Please please go!!

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pudgepocalypse
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:49 PM
Brang is not a word. Brought is.
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