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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My husband is abusing me.. is it possible to save our marriage? UPDATE on page 32

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 I've been with my husband for three years.  We have two small children together. 

 The abuse didn't start until i was pregnant with our first child. When I say abuse, I want to clarify what I'm talking about. He's emotionally and verbally abusive in a sence that he belittles me frequently, talks to me like I'm inferior to him, screams at me & picks on me for my shortcomings, usually when we are fighting. He always seems to find a way to blame me whenever things happen. When he hits me, its always out of anger and doesn't happen on a constant basis. It usually depends on how stressed out he is. He doesn't usually leave bruise marks. He chokes and punches me. Never in the face but he has punched me in the back of the head a few times. 

Today we got into an arguement  over struggles that we are having financially. I feel like we should handle these things together, but he always  gets worked up and takes it out on me. Today we were in our bedroom. The kids were playing & I was trying to talk to him about our situation. He took a temper tantrum and walked off. You would think the fact that I know how he gets when he's upset would have made me stay upstairs, and I should have, but I went downstairs & tried to talk to him. I left the children upstairs, baby gate was up so they couldn't get out. Things got heated between him and I so I went upstairs to sit with my kids. When I got up there, they were sitting on my bed covered head to toe in powdered Ajax. I hid it behind my dresser awhile ago and forgot about it. My oldest toddler somehow found it (it wasn't out in the open or an easy to reach place I swear). I panicked and ran them into the bathtub. I brang them downstairs to get diapers put on them. I handed my youngest to him (1 yo) and started putting a diaper on my toddler. He suddenly freaked out. He sat the baby on the couch, ran over to me and started punching me. I huddled in a ball & kept repeating "please stop, please stop". My children were crying and that made me cry. Eventually he did stop. The children getting into Ajax was the trigger, he was angry because I "allowed" it to happen.  This was probably the worst incedence as of now. 

I desperately want to make my marriage work. He's a good man and I know he loves me, as surprising as that sounds. He grew up in a very violent home and doesn't seem to know how to have a normal relationship. He feels like he has to "punish" me when he feels I've done wrong. He has a very sweet side  typically and hasn't hit our kids. 

What I'm worried about is firstly, he doesn't mind doing this in front of our kids and lastly he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 


 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM

I never thought of it that way.. but what if I could find a way for him to vent his anger or at least do it when they aren't in the room? 

Quoting sungazer:

He's not a good man. He's an abusive piece of shit. If your dd told you exactly what you just told us, what would you say? Leave. Please. Please get out of there.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM
It is abusing your children emotionally--severely--to have them watch their father beat their mother. Use some common sense.


Quoting Anonymous:

My biggest fears are that my children are both girls and I don't want them to look for that in their own relationships and I am afraid one day he might end up killing me.. not intentionally, by accident. If he ever laid a hand on one of my girls it would be a done deal. 

Quoting reava:

It may be possible but it is unlikely that you will be able to fix it before he kills you. Leave now. Do it for your kids before he ends up hurting them too.



blinki_blink
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I didn't leave my first husband cuz I thought he loved me nd I loved him but it was all abt control. I was embarrassed. How could this happen to me? I thought after I left I wouldn't find anyone but I did nd couldn't be happier. He will NOT stop hitting u!!! Leave now! It will be hard but if he cared for u or ur kids he wouldn't do what he does. I had to learn to love myself again b4 loving someone else.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:54 PM

Ehh it is so easy to say that, but I grew up raised by a single, bitter mother and have issues because of it. I want better for my kids 

Quoting Anonymous:

leave leave LEAVE.  

if not for yourself, your kids.  LEAVE.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:55 PM
2 moms liked this

That might work.. that's something to consider! Thank you :)

Quoting lifeisajoy:

intensive counseling with him out of the home during that counseling--if he refuse counseling and refuse to leave for awhile then no-then pile for a PFA, file for a divorce and leave


needsupport100
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:56 PM
I dare any many to make me ball in a fetal position. I'd be talking to the cops because I commited a homicide. How long r u gonna allow this? And hey words r "he grew up under an abusive household and is abusive" so it only stands to reason that ur ok with the cycle continuing and raising ur children to be abused or abuse someone.

So choice is IRS...accept and raise ur children that this lifestyle is ok or knock the shit outta him n get out before he hurts ur kids or makes them start hurting

Or this post is fake
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Dungonecrazy
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:56 PM
Why wait until he hurts one of them? Why wait until he kills you? You don't want your daughters to seek this type of relationship, but what model are you giving them? By saying it's ok to stay until he harms your kids, what are YOU teaching your daughters. Get out now, please, for the sake of your daughters show them what being an empowered and independent woman can be without having a man beating her.


Quoting Anonymous:

My biggest fears are that my children are both girls and I don't want them to look for that in their own relationships and I am afraid one day he might end up killing me.. not intentionally, by accident. If he ever laid a hand on one of my girls it would be a done deal. 

Quoting reava:

It may be possible but it is unlikely that you will be able to fix it before he kills you. Leave now. Do it for your kids before he ends up hurting them too.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TarantulaTress
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:56 PM
I can't even believe what I just read. A good man? Are you serious? Mama, pack up those babies and leave.
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lifeisajoy
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Call your local family counseling services --


Quoting Anonymous:

That might work.. that's something to consider! Thank you :)

Quoting lifeisajoy:

intensive counseling with him out of the home during that counseling--if he refuse counseling and refuse to leave for awhile then no-then pile for a PFA, file for a divorce and leave




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:57 PM

I was afraid of that.. 

Quoting blinki_blink:

I didn't leave my first husband cuz I thought he loved me nd I loved him but it was all abt control. I was embarrassed. How could this happen to me? I thought after I left I wouldn't find anyone but I did nd couldn't be happier. He will NOT stop hitting u!!! Leave now! It will be hard but if he cared for u or ur kids he wouldn't do what he does. I had to learn to love myself again b4 loving someone else.


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