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My husband is abusing me.. is it possible to save our marriage? UPDATE on page 32

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 I've been with my husband for three years.  We have two small children together. 

 The abuse didn't start until i was pregnant with our first child. When I say abuse, I want to clarify what I'm talking about. He's emotionally and verbally abusive in a sence that he belittles me frequently, talks to me like I'm inferior to him, screams at me & picks on me for my shortcomings, usually when we are fighting. He always seems to find a way to blame me whenever things happen. When he hits me, its always out of anger and doesn't happen on a constant basis. It usually depends on how stressed out he is. He doesn't usually leave bruise marks. He chokes and punches me. Never in the face but he has punched me in the back of the head a few times. 

Today we got into an arguement  over struggles that we are having financially. I feel like we should handle these things together, but he always  gets worked up and takes it out on me. Today we were in our bedroom. The kids were playing & I was trying to talk to him about our situation. He took a temper tantrum and walked off. You would think the fact that I know how he gets when he's upset would have made me stay upstairs, and I should have, but I went downstairs & tried to talk to him. I left the children upstairs, baby gate was up so they couldn't get out. Things got heated between him and I so I went upstairs to sit with my kids. When I got up there, they were sitting on my bed covered head to toe in powdered Ajax. I hid it behind my dresser awhile ago and forgot about it. My oldest toddler somehow found it (it wasn't out in the open or an easy to reach place I swear). I panicked and ran them into the bathtub. I brang them downstairs to get diapers put on them. I handed my youngest to him (1 yo) and started putting a diaper on my toddler. He suddenly freaked out. He sat the baby on the couch, ran over to me and started punching me. I huddled in a ball & kept repeating "please stop, please stop". My children were crying and that made me cry. Eventually he did stop. The children getting into Ajax was the trigger, he was angry because I "allowed" it to happen.  This was probably the worst incedence as of now. 

I desperately want to make my marriage work. He's a good man and I know he loves me, as surprising as that sounds. He grew up in a very violent home and doesn't seem to know how to have a normal relationship. He feels like he has to "punish" me when he feels I've done wrong. He has a very sweet side  typically and hasn't hit our kids. 

What I'm worried about is firstly, he doesn't mind doing this in front of our kids and lastly he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to leave him and I'm willing to try anything. Have any of you had a successful abusive relationship? 


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:57 PM
3 moms liked this
Been there, done that, got the Fucking T-shirt. Get out NOW.
by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry mama. He is not a good man. His behavior is getting worse. Please get out, for the sake of your kids (((((hugs)))))
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:58 PM

 Im getting close.. just grasping at straws :(

Quoting TarantulaTress:

I can't even believe what I just read. A good man? Are you serious? Mama, pack up those babies and leave.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:58 PM
2 moms liked this

Are u kidding me? Ur ok it's him beating u, as long as its not in front of be kids???

you just said you thought that he might *accidentally" KILL you!!you do realize that if he does, there will be no one other than the girls for him to beat right? You seriously need to walk...

Quoting Anonymous:

I never thought of it that way.. but what if I could find a way for him to vent his anger or at least do it when they aren't in the room? 

Quoting sungazer:

He's not a good man. He's an abusive piece of shit. If your dd told you exactly what you just told us, what would you say? Leave. Please. Please get out of there.

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Then give them better. If ur house is abusive ur not on a good start IMO. All u did was traded one poison for another

Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh it is so easy to say that, but I grew up raised by a single, bitter mother and have issues because of it. I want better for my kids 

Quoting Anonymous:

leave leave LEAVE.  

if not for yourself, your kids.  LEAVE.  

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by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:58 PM
2 moms liked this
If you educate yourself on DV it will help you.

YOU are not the cause or the reason for him losing his temper.

You are also not alone and when you educate yourself, you will realize your story is textbook to what DV is.

Abuse. It takes 2 years to term the relationship for what it is. Educate yourself and learn how to protect yourself.

Much love.
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Honey if he's doing that to you now in from of the kids it's going to get a lot worse! Please for the sake of your kids leave while he's at work... There are safe shelters you can go left a very abusive marriage when I was pregnant with my first child. I went home and my parents helped me file a restraining order against him..soon as you take pictures with your phone don't bother taking anything except one of toy (their favorite ) with you. Don't bother telling him just do it.. Don't what ever you do make excuses and take him back...your kids need you alive not dead. If you need support message me and I will give you advice
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Abusive people are abusive people.  People do not change.  Do not excuse his behavior, because that is what you are doing in this post.  I grew up in an abusive home and so did my sisters and none of us are violent toward our SOs.  You choose your own behavior, and he is choosing to be an abusive jerk.  If you care about your children at all then I would get out of this situation ASAP.  Since you do have children, the decision is no longer about you.  The longer you stay with this man, the longer you are exposing your children to this kind of lifestyle.  Chances are, he won't stop at abusing you. Eventually, he will move on to abuse them as well.  You even said he's gotten worse.  Abuse is abuse.  If you care about your children at all, leave this man.

by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 Get your ass out of that marriage now. Call the police and file charges right now.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please leave before he hurts your kids or kills you. It's a shame you have to ask this. Ill pray for you and your children. I hope your husband dies a slow miserable lonely death.
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