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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I asking for too much or have a right to want this???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 72 Replies
So the bf says he cares about me and our new family. He has 2 kids and we just had another. He works 40hrs a week night shift manual labor. So he's tired I get that but when he gets off work he will eat then play video games until about 5am then watch tv until he falls asleep he don't even sleep in the same room as us then will sleep until he has to get up and ready for work and do the same. On his days off he will stay up playing games longer then sleep longer then he will either go out with friends or stay home and play video games all day and night. He will text and talk to friends that he sees every day at work but if I ask that I get some of his time he says we spend a lot of time together (meaning him here while he's having him time) if I ask for a date night with him he will say yes but then instead we will be here with his kids and I'm in the room because he's playing games while his kids are watching tv or playing games too.
This is all new to me having an almost 2mo is hard mentally and I'm getting used to the fact that life will never be close to the same. I don't get much of his time or affection. I talk about how I feel constantly and I tell him the way he acts makes me feel that he doesn't want to be with me. But he says if he didn't want to be with me then be wouldn't be here with me and he wouldn't be home home; he says dont you want me here instead of being out?

I know men need their time but I don't get any time I'm always home cleaning and taking care of dd. he never asks me if I'm ok or if there's anything he can do to make me feel better. And I try to communicate my feelings towards him. And each time I do so and he just doesn't get it I feel myself feel worse then I did before. I care about him but what about me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm expecting too much from him but then I think and dd will be two months old next week and he's only slept once in the same bed and i don't even count that really because he got home real late then slept for about three hours and went to the living room. So I just want to know from your pov if I'm expecting too much or its right to feel this way.? He tells me he cares a lot about me and wants to be with me and he says I'm stuck with him for a very long time. But they are just words because he sure doesn't act like this he acts opposite.
Ahh I'm just so lonely most of the time. And sad because of this. Now I feel that im just rambling but I feel so much better getting this off my chest.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:04 AM
1 mom liked this

He wasn't like this before and your hormones are making you super sensitive? Or he's always been like that and now you realize how bad it sucks since you have to raise your kid alone?

kibbskins
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:04 AM
1 mom liked this

You are not asking too much. I can't believe you don't sleep in the same bed! Tell him he needs to get his ass in gear and that he needs to put some time into your relationship. Relationships are hard work. I love video games too but they come second (third?) to my baby and my boyfriend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:10 AM
I think it had to do with the changes before I wouldn't care he did his thing I did mine but now that my hormones are just crazy I am more softer and I feel like be ignores me.

It started when I was pregnant but at least when I was pregnant he would come to the bed and sleep. He claims that he's not able to sleep because I wake him up. And that's when I feed and change dd. And I have told him that he needs to sleep in the same bed but he says he needs his 8 hours of sleep and I will wake him up.
Cristie0911
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:28 AM
2 moms liked this
It's your boyfriend, not your husband. That could be part of the problem. He's playing house.
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LilliesValley
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:35 AM
I don't think you're expecting too much but you need to have honest and open communication do that he knows how you are feeling. If he can't change then you will have some tough decisions to make. Maybe ask him to cut down on video games, start sleeping with you and have one day off a week for just you with no friends. He may think this is ok with you and just not get it. Talking is important and shift work is hard. I know I did it for five years. You do need more down time. But that doesn't mean no family time.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:28 AM
I do tell him be says that I want 90% of his time which I don't get 10%. He never is involved with dd I ask him to watch her while I nap but that only lasts about 20 min top. Earlier I told him how I needed him to sleep with me because the way it made me feel when he doesn't and he said nothing but I'm just over it all together I know that it sucks right now but ill get through it in time. Sucks how some men can say they are different and want to make things work yet they are just assholes about all situations

Quoting LilliesValley:

I don't think you're expecting too much but you need to have honest and open communication do that he knows how you are feeling. If he can't change then you will have some tough decisions to make. Maybe ask him to cut down on video games, start sleeping with you and have one day off a week for just you with no friends. He may think this is ok with you and just not get it. Talking is important and shift work is hard. I know I did it for five years. You do need more down time. But that doesn't mean no family time.
xXSoSincereXx
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:32 AM
yep because getting married will make him mr. wonderful

Quoting Cristie0911:

It's your boyfriend, not your husband. That could be part of the problem. He's playing house.
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MissMia22
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:34 AM
I literally went thru the same thing with my (now) DH...after our son was born...we actually split up because of it....got back together then split for 6 months because it still wasn't getting bettter and I was resenting him for it....got back together and worked it out and are now married with 3 kids...

Good luck...
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LilliesValley
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:34 AM
Then you're the one that has to decide. Doesn't seem like a relationship I'd want to stick around for, but that's just me. You're the one that has to live with him not me.


Quoting Anonymous:

I do tell him be says that I want 90% of his time which I don't get 10%. He never is involved with dd I ask him to watch her while I nap but that only lasts about 20 min top. Earlier I told him how I needed him to sleep with me because the way it made me feel when he doesn't and he said nothing but I'm just over it all together I know that it sucks right now but ill get through it in time. Sucks how some men can say they are different and want to make things work yet they are just assholes about all situations



Quoting LilliesValley:

I don't think you're expecting too much but you need to have honest and open communication do that he knows how you are feeling. If he can't change then you will have some tough decisions to make. Maybe ask him to cut down on video games, start sleeping with you and have one day off a week for just you with no friends. He may think this is ok with you and just not get it. Talking is important and shift work is hard. I know I did it for five years. You do need more down time. But that doesn't mean no family time.

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RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Cut the cord on the video games. He needs to man up and do what's right. If he doesn't you need to leave.
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