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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I asking for too much or have a right to want this???

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
So the bf says he cares about me and our new family. He has 2 kids and we just had another. He works 40hrs a week night shift manual labor. So he's tired I get that but when he gets off work he will eat then play video games until about 5am then watch tv until he falls asleep he don't even sleep in the same room as us then will sleep until he has to get up and ready for work and do the same. On his days off he will stay up playing games longer then sleep longer then he will either go out with friends or stay home and play video games all day and night. He will text and talk to friends that he sees every day at work but if I ask that I get some of his time he says we spend a lot of time together (meaning him here while he's having him time) if I ask for a date night with him he will say yes but then instead we will be here with his kids and I'm in the room because he's playing games while his kids are watching tv or playing games too.
This is all new to me having an almost 2mo is hard mentally and I'm getting used to the fact that life will never be close to the same. I don't get much of his time or affection. I talk about how I feel constantly and I tell him the way he acts makes me feel that he doesn't want to be with me. But he says if he didn't want to be with me then be wouldn't be here with me and he wouldn't be home home; he says dont you want me here instead of being out?

I know men need their time but I don't get any time I'm always home cleaning and taking care of dd. he never asks me if I'm ok or if there's anything he can do to make me feel better. And I try to communicate my feelings towards him. And each time I do so and he just doesn't get it I feel myself feel worse then I did before. I care about him but what about me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm expecting too much from him but then I think and dd will be two months old next week and he's only slept once in the same bed and i don't even count that really because he got home real late then slept for about three hours and went to the living room. So I just want to know from your pov if I'm expecting too much or its right to feel this way.? He tells me he cares a lot about me and wants to be with me and he says I'm stuck with him for a very long time. But they are just words because he sure doesn't act like this he acts opposite.
Ahh I'm just so lonely most of the time. And sad because of this. Now I feel that im just rambling but I feel so much better getting this off my chest.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:59 AM
Replies (71-72):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:04 PM
He works night shift but only for 8 hours and its not that far of a travel to get there. I understand that he's tired and needs his own time which he always gets but he just doesn't realize that he has a family now and to be apart of that it takes far more then just providing financially and being in the same room or place. He has plenty of time for games and friends but when it comes to us he's always tired.

Quoting Anonymous:

I haven't read all the replies so please forgive me if I'm repeating someone.  My husband worked third shift in IT with a 2 1/2 hr communte on each end for the first 6 years of our marriage (then second shift for two).  We have never slept in the same bed: he slept in the basement bedroom because it only had one small window which was easy to block.  By the time he was on first shift we were just too used to sleeping alone to change.  Obviously we managed to have a kid !


Working third shift is really really tough on a relationship.  It does require a lot of independance on the part of the spouse.  It's just not going to be the same as a normal, go out on date nights relationship.  If it's the only way he can support his family than it is what it is but  if there is anyway to change his schedule I would look into it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:06 PM
Well see that's good to know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I am happy to hear that although it may not work with him there is always a chance I'd find someone that will love me and be there for us and vice versa

Quoting kate80:

I can understand that. I lived like you through 3 kids and 10 years. Now I am married to a man I can't keep my hands off of and vice versa. We just have fun together. I am friends with ny ex now and we share our children and their lives well.



Quoting Anonymous:

If I do decide to look for someone else that sure will be in a far distance from now. No way am I going to look or be open to finding someone else after this. I need a break from men../=





Quoting kate80:

Find a man who wants to be in bed beside you. Even if he has to drive through a blizzard to get there. Just a suggestion.







Quoting Anonymous:

I've tried. That I even layed on top of him on our small couch and he still wants to just stay there









Quoting kate80:

I would wake him up and tell him to go to bed. And sometimes, unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, things just don't work out. It is much better imo to be with a man who makes you happy even if that means leaving the father of your kid who doesn't 

Quoting Anonymous:

I do to and tell him this but he doesn't seem to think so.











Quoting kate80:

UM, no. You are not asking too much. I get that he is tired, but HELLO! so are you. Me thinks you have a selfish bf. JMO 


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