My son was born at the beginning of January. The doc at the hospital refused to do circumcisions and told me to set an appointment with their clinic if I insisted on having it done. He told me that there was no good reason to have it done, it is purely cosmetic. I thought he was a condesending ass. How I wish I had listened to that condesending ass.
I told my husband what the doc said and we both agreed to set the appointment. He told me how 2 of his brothers were never circumcised and they both have serious self esteem issues because they are uncut and a few hateful exes poked fun at them for it. I researched and read all the pros of circimcision (conveniently skipping over all the cons, I admit it), and I made the appointment. The clinic said they were backed up, they couldn't get him in until Feb. 8. I asked if yhey could please try to schedule it sooner, I didn't want to wait until he was almost 5 weeks old to do it. They said no.My heart told me right then not to do it. But I knew how my husband felt about it, so once again I ignored common sense, and agreed.
So we got to the clinic this morning, I was shaking as the took my little sweetheart out of my arms. I asked if I could be in the room with my baby while they did it. Absolutely not. The nurse said it would only take about 15 minutes, all the while my son is smiling up at her and cooing. I anted to grab my son, punch my husband in the nuts and run like hell. Again, I ignored common fucking sense and the nurse left with my son.
15 minutes passed, nothing. I started to shake and my fucktard husband rolled his eyes. 20 minutes, and I was at the nurses station asking for my son. They looked at me like I was an idiot, and I guess I am.
Finally, after a half hour, the nurse returned with my baby. He looked exhausted, crying weakly, eyes watery with real tears. He has never cried real tears before. I broke down. She proceeds to tell me that a plastibell circ was done and that there is a plastic ring on my childs penis. She explains how to care for it, but that was all. They rushed my sobbing ass out of there pretty quickly. Hubs still rolling his eyes and I just want to scratch them right out of his fucking face. I know I shouldn't blame him, I agreed to this dumbassery, but I still want to hurt his ass.
I came home, changed my boys diaper, and went in the bathroom and vomited. I cannot believe I allowed them to do that to my child. I have a 4 year old dd and would NEVER allow abyone to hurt her like that. Why in hell did a PAY some quack to do that to my baby boy. Because Iam a spineless asshole, that's why. And no, I am not saying that every momma that chooses to circ is a spineless asshole, that's just how I feel about myself. I didn't want to do it, but I did anyways.
He is sleeping now. Ever 10 minutes or so he let's out a cry, then is silent again. I am dreading the next diaper change. And the one after that and the one after that.
Yes, I know some of you will say I am overreacting, and some of you will agree that I am indeed a fucking asshole. But I needed to get this off my chest. This was not the right choice for my son. I will never ignore my heart like that again.