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Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

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We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (121-130):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Actually, I seem to remember a woman on here saying that her DH wanted her to go back to work because their youngest started school and they needed the money and she didn't want too even though she admitted they needed the money and she got her ass torn up. If it were me, I would be grateful to have had the opportunity to stay at home with my children at all, remembering that my spouse didn't have that opportunity and understand that now I have to step up and help financially.


Quoting Anonymous:

I assume you would say the same thing if the husband was the one demanding the SAHM get a job right???


Quoting Miller0305:

She's cranky because they are struggling financially and her DH doesn't want to step it up and get a job.  I'd be cranky too.



Quoting Pnukey:

Yes they do. You sound very cranky.







oliver92
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I would say being a sahm, to do this i gave up my own schedule, my own privacy, my fun, my extra money, my friends and relationships and not that its not all worth it, but if my dh came and said okay enough go back to work I would react the same.  i dont believe kids should stay homw with siblings, teens arent a parent and are not capable to handle situations as adults.  this should be left up to your husband when he feels he is not needed to do what is essentially the job he has chosen and someone saying you are no longer needed is pretty rough on his ego.  I can see your point too, perhaps mention some stay at home options. a parent is needed to be on call, kids need stuff at all different ages, and I think it should be left up to him

smurfbitebug
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:49 PM
4 moms liked this
I think if y'all are OK financially and he is happy being a sahd right now you should allow him to be. You would appreciate the same consideration the other way around. It actually sounds to me like you are a bit jealous... which is a completely different ballgame than the original post. So leave it be. Allow him to do what makes him happy while he can without you bugging him about it. SAHMs and Ds are just so APPRECIATED, aren't they? When you benefit from them. But once you feel that benefit is over BAM .. the disrespect for SAHM&Ds is just astonishing. Really shouldn't be that way.
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IamMex11
by JorgematoTM on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:49 PM

what a load of bull....why do you all of the sudden need the extra money?


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, he has to go to work to help support the family. He did get the chance with to stay home it his kids, for the past 4 years, something I might add, I didn't get to do because we couldn't have made it on his income alone. I didn't CHOOSE to not stay home, we would not have made it on his income alone. Instead of him bitching that now things have to change, maybe he could be grateful that he got the opportunity to stay at home in the first place. No, his kids are not ready to stay home alone but his ex wife is a stay at home mom, they will be fine at their mom's house and they can see him on weekends. Yes, this will mean he gets less time with them but consider how much time he has gotten with them for the past 4 years.


Quoting luckysevenwow:

So he has to give up time with his kids because your kids are grown. The same man who stayed home with your kids based off of a mutual choice? The same man who has been there day in and day out for your children shouldn't be afforded the same chances with his kids?


I'm sorry, but that isn't fair, and honestly it's just wrong. You may not have gotten the opportunity to stay home, but that was because you choose to work and put the betterment of your children first. Just because yours are grown doesn't take away from the fact that his aren't yet.





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:50 PM

Yes he would, based on his income


Quoting mommytothree07:

Quoting Anonymous:


then he would pay cs right?



LAXmom21
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Why should his kids have to suffer because yours are grown? How is that fair at all? If you've been doing this for 4 years it sure as hell isn't fair to change it now!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

No, the thing is, it was fine and good for him to stay at home when ALL of the kids needed him there but that is no longer the case. The kids can live with their mom and be with us every other weekend. He stayed at home with all of the kids, not just mine



Quoting Katt709:

I think you're being unfair also. Why should your kids get him there all the time and his kids get shipped back to their mom's or worse, day care. When his kids are old enough to be on their own, then he can go back to work - if necessary. Or, maybe he could get a part time job for the days when the kids are with their mom anyway.




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IamMex11
by JorgematoTM on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:51 PM

his youngest is three?


Quoting Anonymous:

No, the thing is, it was fine and good for him to stay at home when ALL of the kids needed him there but that is no longer the case. The kids can live with their mom and be with us every other weekend. He stayed at home with all of the kids, not just mine


Quoting Katt709:

I think you're being unfair also. Why should your kids get him there all the time and his kids get shipped back to their mom's or worse, day care. When his kids are old enough to be on their own, then he can go back to work - if necessary. Or, maybe he could get a part time job for the days when the kids are with their mom anyway.





Katt709
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:52 PM
3 moms liked this

You wrote: "It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home..."

Please tell me you're kidding. He works his ass off too. Don't ever think otherwise. Being a SAHP is hard work. Harder, IMO, than a job. At least it is compared to the job I used to have. And I was a lawyer before being a SAHM.

That man works - even if you don't see it.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:52 PM
1 mom liked this

What's your point?

You are doing what many a million of men have to do everyday. The fact that the roles are reversed doesn't make a difference. Neither does the fact that his ex is capable of staying home with the kids. You married him, knowing he had kids and knowing he didn't make as much as you. Jointly the choice was made that he would be the SAHP, as you say, there are 6 kids between you, but because your 4 have grown you now want to change the rules.

Not only is he going to loose time with his children, his children will now have to loose time with their dad. At most he can at least get a part time job on his off days. then your kids can fend for themselves and his kids can have their time with their dad.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, he has to go to work to help support the family. He did get the chance with to stay home it his kids, for the past 4 years, something I might add, I didn't get to do because we couldn't have made it on his income alone. I didn't CHOOSE to not stay home, we would not have made it on his income alone. Instead of him bitching that now things have to change, maybe he could be grateful that he got the opportunity to stay at home in the first place. No, his kids are not ready to stay home alone but his ex wife is a stay at home mom, they will be fine at their mom's house and they can see him on weekends. Yes, this will mean he gets less time with them but consider how much time he has gotten with them for the past 4 years.


Quoting luckysevenwow:

So he has to give up time with his kids because your kids are grown. The same man who stayed home with your kids based off of a mutual choice? The same man who has been there day in and day out for your children shouldn't be afforded the same chances with his kids?


I'm sorry, but that isn't fair, and honestly it's just wrong. You may not have gotten the opportunity to stay home, but that was because you choose to work and put the betterment of your children first. Just because yours are grown doesn't take away from the fact that his aren't yet.




LAXmom21
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:52 PM
They needed the money you don't. Different scenario.

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually, I seem to remember a woman on here saying that her DH wanted her to go back to work because their youngest started school and they needed the money and she didn't want too even though she admitted they needed the money and she got her ass torn up. If it were me, I would be grateful to have had the opportunity to stay at home with my children at all, remembering that my spouse didn't have that opportunity and understand that now I have to step up and help financially.



Quoting Anonymous:

I assume you would say the same thing if the husband was the one demanding the SAHM get a job right???





Quoting Miller0305:

She's cranky because they are struggling financially and her DH doesn't want to step it up and get a job.  I'd be cranky too.




Quoting Pnukey:

Yes they do. You sound very cranky.










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