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Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

View Results

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (271-280):
JenieceMojica
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:02 AM
I agree!

Quoting cjsbmom:

 I'm sorry, but even after your added part, I still think you're being unfair to your DH. Maybe there is a reason he doesn't want his ex to have custody of the kids full time like that. It seems to me like you don't fully accept his kids because you keep referring to them them "his kids" and "my kids." How about "our" kids? When you married him, you married his kids, too. I sense a lot of hostility here that goes far beyond just having your DH being a SAHD.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tntmomof2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:03 AM

Couldn't he get a part time job? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:04 AM
I agree with you OP.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:06 AM
OP, I think you are more upset about never getting the chance to be a sahm yourself. And that's okay, I'm bitter about me not being able to too. That's why I plan to do something about it while my kids are still small.

It's not unfair to ask your dh to pitch in a little by getting a job. How long does he wantcto stay home? Til the youngest is in college? That's insane. And unfair to you, a hardWORKING mom.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:09 AM
You still don't sound good, sounds like your marriage has much bigger issues then who is home for the kids. He shouldn't be forced to send his kids to their mom for time he would like to have with them just because you see his use as over since he was already there for your kids and they don't need him anymore


Quoting Anonymous:

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.


happygolucky106
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:15 AM
1 mom liked this

 I totally agree with you,kick his ass to get a damn job, seems now he just wants to be lazy,he is no good to your family now if that is the case...or kick his ass out..

LadyIQ
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:17 AM

I think you make a good argument and he has become complacent and comfortable with the arrangement. Being a stay at home parent ONLY works when both partners are in agreement with the situation, otherwise it just builds up resentment. Keep pushing it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:18 AM
You sound like you only give a damn about your bio kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree 100%. but I'm old fashioned that way man should support the family. in my eyes I can't recpect a man who can't do that and makes less then his wife. And on top of that he is bitching about going to work? haaaa. I would be like im out. find you another woman who will support you and your kids for another four years. while you get to play house man at home.

sorry but im mean like that. I have no tolerance toward men and their stupid things.

good luck.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Then she never should have asked him to stay home. She should've sucked it up from the beginning and they should've just both worked and paid for child care. SHE ASKED HIM TO STAY HOME because THEY had SIX small children home, but now that just HERS are big enough to stay home he needs to go to work? He should give up his 50/50 custody to go to work because she feels differently now that SHE no longer needs him home for hers. She's a user plain and simple. She used him for free child care. Who knows. Maybe she doesn't love him or his kids to to begin with. After all, it is all about HER kids. She never mentions OUR family. It is HERS and HIS. She obviously feels her kids are more important than his.

Quoting brebugmom91:

What about HIM using HER to support his kids? Oh right stepmoms should just shut up and deal with whatever dad and BM want right?



Quoting Anonymous:

So it was fine when YOUR four kids needed a babysitter, but you don't want him home for his own on HIS visits. I wouldn't be okay with changing my visitations for some User either.
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