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Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

View Results

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (361-370):
LiliM
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM


Quoting silverdawn99:

she had said that if he goes back to work that the mom( who is a stahm) will go and get primsry custody

Quoting Anonymous:

So his kids are now 10 and 7? Why if your older kids are going to watch you other kids. Can they not watch the other 2? Or hire a sitter. This would be no go for me. It would after school care ( very cheap) or a sitter.

If I was this man, and my ex did this, I would insure that she would have financial obligations in spite of continuing to SAH and attempting to punish me for actually getting a job.


breydans_mommy
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:39 AM
2 moms liked this
Well, yes it is alot to ask the oldest child. And I would hold the parents accountable if something happened. This is a tough situation that im just not sure how to answer. The only reasonable thing I can think of is dad getting a job with the same hours as the school hours. No it woulnt help a ton, but it would certianly help a little.


Quoting Maevelyn:

I feel like 4 to 6 kids can get in a significant amount of trouble on their own every day after school too. Is it fair to ask the oldest to be in charge? because in reality that's who's going to be responcible if something goes wrong. 

Quoting breydans_mommy:

I am personally on the fence on this one. That many kids it would probably be best for a parent home for things like sports and extra cric activities and things like that. But on the other hand they are ild enough to handle a few hours home alone after school because financially its best for both patents to work. I would ask maybe him get just a part time job while the kids are in school so hes home when they are plus theres a little extra cash that will lighten the load.



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babegr75
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:39 AM
All these post about budget budget budget $90,000 dosent do SHIT in Manhattan. None of u know where she lives n I can tell u a 4 bedroom gos fore $7,000 a month in manhatten n more n a dosent eggs is $4.59 n a loaf of bread is $3.79 and a tee shirt is $35 on sale now with six kids I only have four kids n $90,000 would do SHIT.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 60 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:45 AM
Cool. My friend just retired in the same AFSC and got a job in Dubai. His family loves it there. He has one of the FEW jobs that yield big bucks in the civilian sector. I recruited health professionals and also retired as an E-7 and was actively recruited for headhunting jobs starting at 120k but I'm also one of the lucky ones. I know retired cops who cant make more than 35k on the outside. I think college degrees also make a difference. Good luck after retirement. We really miss it!


Quoting Bird16_J:

My husband is Command and Control with Special Operations. A couple of years ago they had messed up his reenlistment and he thought he had to get out so he scrambled to get his resume out to different agencies. Well FEMA offered him starting out 96,000 a year and the CIA also wanted him to work for them. I'm not sure what they offered him to start out at though. So just because you aren't offered jobs like that doesn't mean other's aren't. He's got an MOS that's in HIGH demand in the military and civilian sector as well. Hell he re-enlisted last year when we thought we were going to Germany (stuttgart) and they gave him an almost 30,000 dollar bonus to re-enlist! He's a Msgt and had 18 almost 19 years in! Right now we're stationed here in Colorado Springs and he was working up at Cheyenne Mountain as an instructor for his MOS but they needed him more on crew so they stuck him down here at Peterson. He's a 1C3 (I THINK that's the MOS if not like I said it's Command and Control with Special Ops)

Quoting Anonymous:

I retired from the Air Force last year. I'm curious where these amazing six figure jobs are located. The job market is terrible.





Quoting Bird16_J:

Honestly he needs to work! That would seriously piss me off if he acted like that! Sounds like he just wants to stay home and be a lazy ass. Honestly I can't wait until mine are old enough to be in school full time so I can work! My husband makes decent money now and once he retires from the Air Force he's got amazing opportunities to start out making 6 figures a year. So do I really NEED to work? No but I want to to help contibute to the family and so we have a little extra! We also have 5 kiddo's and are looking at maybe having one more and then done. So honestly I don't blame you in being pissed that he just wants to stay home and be a lazy ass! Oh and I'm a SAHM and I agree 100% with you!





autiemama516
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....

I volunteer in the classrooms, go to various meeting, chaperone and am getting ready to head up a committee I couldn't fit it all in if working.. who would watch my kids when sick, days off, breaks?

I agree totally! A lot of women I know say once the kids are in school for the day go to work. I don't know how anyone can make that work without paid childcare. Last week alone we had 3 two hour delays in the morning. The week before was a snow day and a one hour delay. The kids have off all summer and all Federal Holidays. Couple that with sick days and half days and you get a lot of time that needs to be covered. No boss will let you take that kind of time off of work. Then they say work at the school. Evern a parapro would need to be there on conference days and when their kids are sick.I also do PTA and GirlScouts and chaperone so it would not work for me. My oldest is 14 and I could never leave him with his younger siblings for too long.


3kidz123
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Here's the thing even though your married they AREN'T your kids! If he wants to be home and spend more time with his children then maby you can ask him to get a part time job when they aren't around! If not it's not fair to say only see them on the weekend, you make $90,000 a year so saying you need the money is crap. It sounds like you want him to miss out on his kids and work because you did, your being selfish when you CAN live off $90,000 a year. I hope he does stand his ground, you chose to work and that's great but you don't need him to work and he shouldn't miss time with his kids because your bitter. Also you get yours full time and he doesn't so him working would make him miss more time with them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 65 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:58 AM

I personally have never understood why a parent still stays home even after the kids are school age. There are jobs out there that will work so that a parent can be home when the children get home.

little.worthen
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:59 AM
I think you're right. The kids are old enough.
At this point he is being lazy.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 43 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:01 PM

 


Quoting Mommy383:

Quoting Anonymous:




If your kids' father is dead, aren't you collecting benefits from that? They are under 18, so how much are you getting from that?

Exactly! She would collect so much for each child til they are 18. So on top of her wages, she gets that.

 

tristahope
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Quoting SoKamele:

I believe one parent should always be available.


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