Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL
- 997 Replies
Poll
Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.
Total Votes: 809
We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.
His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.
I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.
ADDED
For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.
I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?
My younger two don't need anyone taking care of them, they just need someone to be there and one of my older ones always are, usually both are at home after school.
Quoting Anonymous:
Nope, they still need a parent at home, that many and those ages, yes indeed they do. The olders will resent HAVING to take care of the youngest, they wont be able to go places, do things after school
She's cranky because they are struggling financially and her DH doesn't want to step it up and get a job. I'd be cranky too.
Quoting Pnukey:Yes they do. You sound very cranky.
I personally do think that with that many kids there does need to be an adult at home, but they are not my kids so it is not my decision.
Is there a happy medium? Maybe he could find a part time job?
Quoting Anonymous:
Oh I agree...I'm saying moms that stay at home think they would still be needed at home....
The plan would be she would have them and DH would go to every other weekend.
Quoting Omd12:
If you make $90,000 you should be all set with money. Let him stay home with the kids a little longer. Just because bio mom is home she's not at your house when the kids come home.
That's the ugliest name everrrr!!!