Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

View Results

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (21-30):
Omd12
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:57 PM
7 moms liked this
What the hell do you do with $90,000 a year? I make 1/2 that support 3 kids and a house. Maybe you need a budget or to live with in your means.

Also ever think he's scared if starting a job again? Maybe he needs to go back to school 1st and learn job skills?


Quoting Anonymous:

There isn't a reason to wait another year, we need more money coming in now, we are barely breaking even each month



Quoting Anonymous:

Why not wait one more year





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Miller0305
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:57 PM
8 moms liked this


$90,000 is not a lot of money especially if they have 6 kids.  Maybe they have a lot of medical bills or live in a high cost are.  Don't tell her she should be all set with money, you don't know her circumstances.

Quoting Omd12:

If you make $90,000 you should be all set with money. Let him stay home with the kids a little longer. Just because bio mom is home she's not at your house when the kids come home.



nicoal4
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm a stay at home mom before I started homeschooling I planned to go back to school a year before all my kids were in school why does someone need to be home well kids are in school I find it really lazy.


Quoting Anonymous:

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Katt709
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
11 moms liked this

I think you're being unfair also. Why should your kids get him there all the time and his kids get shipped back to their mom's or worse, day care. When his kids are old enough to be on their own, then he can go back to work - if necessary. Or, maybe he could get a part time job for the days when the kids are with their mom anyway.

KrissyKC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this

He could get a night job and sleep while they are in school... and still be there for the kids.

I don't know what he wants to do, but unarmed secuirity pays $10-16 hourly (pending on area).. it's has overnight shifts.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
I agree.


Quoting nicoal4:

I'm a stay at home mom before I started homeschooling I planned to go back to school a year before all my kids were in school why does someone need to be home well kids are in school I find it really lazy.




Quoting Anonymous:

your going to piss some SAHM's off...alot of think they need to still be at home for the kids even when they are in school. ...they are always needed at home. They should feel the same way..even if it's a SAHD instead....


luvmymunchkins3
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM

if you can pay your bill (not saying you cant) then his ass needs to get a job

kandie63
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe he can get a pt job during the day and get off in time to be home when the kids get home from school?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ramita
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:00 PM
2 moms liked this

I can easily see both sides because if he goes back to work and he might get his kids less, but yes it would be very helpful for him to have some income.  Is it possible for him to go to work parttime or even a night, evening, or early morning shift somewhere just so there is income and someone can be home more.  Just a thought.

waffa
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:00 PM
2 moms liked this

and he can't find something part time when ALL the kids are at school and be home when they get there?

Bash me all you want sahm's, but he reminds me of a couple I know where he was a firefighter and she stayed at home with their only child and continued to stay home even when the kid went to college and her dh was STILL working.

Once they get a driver's license you need to go get a freaking job. just my opinion though.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN