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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

View Results

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (281-290):
Momyplease
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:21 AM
Yes. Yes

Quoting LadyIQ:

I think you make a good argument and he has become complacent and comfortable with the arrangement. Being a stay at home parent ONLY works when both partners are in agreement with the situation, otherwise it just builds up resentment. Keep pushing it.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:23 AM
Sorry but you can't expect him to babysit your kids yet dont want him now to stay home with his kids. Sounds selfish. I think its wrong that you want him to change his custody of his kids now that yours are old enough to be home alone.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this
You sound like someone has fucked you over before. And who cares if she loves him or not that was not the issues. I think you wrong. He needs to be a man and support that family instead a woman has to do it. please. No real man would let her wife do all this bs.

Quoting Anonymous:

Then she never should have asked him to stay home. She should've sucked it up from the beginning and they should've just both worked and paid for child care. SHE ASKED HIM TO STAY HOME because THEY had SIX small children home, but now that just HERS are big enough to stay home he needs to go to work? He should give up his 50/50 custody to go to work because she feels differently now that SHE no longer needs him home for hers. She's a user plain and simple. She used him for free child care. Who knows. Maybe she doesn't love him or his kids to to begin with. After all, it is all about HER kids. She never mentions OUR family. It is HERS and HIS. She obviously feels her kids are more important than his.



Quoting brebugmom91:

What about HIM using HER to support his kids? Oh right stepmoms should just shut up and deal with whatever dad and BM want right?





Quoting Anonymous:

So it was fine when YOUR four kids needed a babysitter, but you don't want him home for his own on HIS visits. I wouldn't be okay with changing my visitations for some User either.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Both my husband and I work full time and I'm always available to my kids if they are sick or a field trip comes up, etc...


Quoting SoKamele:

I believe one parent should always be available.


ThatsTheWayItIs
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:40 AM
Aren't his kids in school? Maybe he could get a part time job if that's the case.
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cjsbmom
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:40 AM
3 moms liked this

 I'm sorry, but this is such an antiquated way of thinking. "Real Men" don't have to support their families financially or be the sole  breadwinners or even make the most income. I make more than my DH. Doesn't make him less of a man. If this were a woman staying at home, I think some of your attitudes would be very different. If they were paying for child care, she'd find out how valuable his services were. But then again, since her kids are old enough to not need it anymore, she thinks that's all that matters. Screw his kids. I'm sorry, but this isn't a "blended" family at all. She clearly hasn't accepted his kids and sees them as second-class citizens. That's a huge problem not only in this situation, but in their entire marriage, IMO.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like someone has fucked you over before. And who cares if she loves him or not that was not the issues. I think you wrong. He needs to be a man and support that family instead a woman has to do it. please. No real man would let her wife do all this bs.

Quoting Anonymous:

Then she never should have asked him to stay home. She should've sucked it up from the beginning and they should've just both worked and paid for child care. SHE ASKED HIM TO STAY HOME because THEY had SIX small children home, but now that just HERS are big enough to stay home he needs to go to work? He should give up his 50/50 custody to go to work because she feels differently now that SHE no longer needs him home for hers. She's a user plain and simple. She used him for free child care. Who knows. Maybe she doesn't love him or his kids to to begin with. After all, it is all about HER kids. She never mentions OUR family. It is HERS and HIS. She obviously feels her kids are more important than his.



Quoting brebugmom91:

What about HIM using HER to support his kids? Oh right stepmoms should just shut up and deal with whatever dad and BM want right?





Quoting Anonymous:

So it was fine when YOUR four kids needed a babysitter, but you don't want him home for his own on HIS visits. I wouldn't be okay with changing my visitations for some User either.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, his kids don't need two full time stay at home parents, but to suggest he give up his 50/50 custody and see them only twice a month makes me think you just don't care about his kids. And that's sad. How can you possibly care about his children if you suggest this? You are thinking about yourself and the well being of you and your kids. Yes, he can get a job, but that doesn't mean he has to give up time with his children to do so. Can you not understand how terrible it is to suggest he give up time with his children? I agree he should look into some kind of job he can do at night or from home, but what you suggested is possibly one of the coldest things I've heard in a while. Also, you seem super resentful that he got to stay home and you didn't.

mommyrustina
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:44 AM

Children always deserve to have a parent at home.

romalove
by SakePrincess on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:46 AM

My experience is that kids need a parent at home more when they are teens than they did when they are younger.

Of course, if you have to make a living, you have to make a living.

I just don't like the idea that the kids don't need a parent because they are older.  They need you more then.

angelinhorns86
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:46 AM

why doesnt he get a job part time while the kids are at school this way he can be home when they get there and you have some extra income

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