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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.

Options:

DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 809

View Results

We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.

ADDED

For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:00 PM
14 moms liked this

I can see his point,  it's kind of a dick move on your part since it is just his kids that need the care now.  It makes you look like you care a lot less about his kids!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:01 PM
4 moms liked this
I assume you would say the same thing if the husband was the one demanding the SAHM get a job right???


Quoting Miller0305:

She's cranky because they are struggling financially and her DH doesn't want to step it up and get a job.  I'd be cranky too.



Quoting Pnukey:

Yes they do. You sound very cranky.





redhead-bedhead
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:02 PM
She probably lives in an area where the cost of living is higher.

Quoting Omd12:

What the hell do you do with $90,000 a year? I make 1/2 that support 3 kids and a house. Maybe you need a budget or to live with in your means.



Also ever think he's scared if starting a job again? Maybe he needs to go back to school 1st and learn job skills?




Quoting Anonymous:

There isn't a reason to wait another year, we need more money coming in now, we are barely breaking even each month




Quoting Anonymous:

Why not wait one more year






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mommytothree07
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:


then he would pay cs right?
LucylucyM
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM

I see both sides. I'm a SAHM and my kids 11&8 need me just as much now as when they were little. But if you guys need the money more then he should at least look for a part time job. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM
16 moms liked this

He's right.  You are minimizing his kids needing their dad around and that is totally obvious by saying he could see them every other weekend and one evening a week.  If your situation were reversed you'd be carrying on about what a bastard he is and a ton of women on here would be telling you that you're right.  At this point he's probably regretting marrying you, and rightly so.  This whole thing screams double standard but since you make so much you can pretend you're right.  No one made you work full time, you both could have worked this out in a more fair manner.  But again, your apparent love of money determined the situation for everyone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM
10 moms liked this

you dont get it.  He stayed home to be with your kids.  Now he wants to continue doing so for his kids.   You need to let him do that.  You agreed to give up the sahm time he did not.   Its a couple more years not forever.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:03 PM
5 moms liked this
Would you have given up your kids for an every other weekend thing, if the situation was reverse?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:05 PM
4 moms liked this

Reading comprehension is your friend people.  I didn't notice where she said they are struggling.  This whole shift is based on her idea that since her kids aren't very young anymore, he doesn't need to be home.  A man with this shitty attitude would get ripped apart here. 

MariannLws
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:05 PM

Why not hire a nanny? 

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