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Now that my kids don't need anyone at home, I don't think my DH needs to stay home ADDED, seconded addtion with POLL

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: What do you think? BTW there really is no "happy medium" like him going to work only during the day. He is an RN (registered nurse) and therefore his shifts would be 12 hours long.


DH should go back to work

DH should stay home and our family should just cut back so that he can stay home with 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time

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We are a blended family, I have full custody of my 4 kids and DH has 50/50 of his 2 kids. When we married 4 years ago, we decided that since I make about $90,000 a year and DH would make about $36,000 it would make sense for him to stay at home. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 6, his were 6 and 3 and we needed to have someone home full time. But now my kids are 15, 13, 11 and 10 and don't need anyone home with them. As long as one of the two older kids are home, which one is always home right after school, they younger two are fine and quit frankly, we could use the extra income with 6 kids between us.

His ex is a SAHM (her DH works) and could easily have their kids full time with him getting standard visitation of every other weekend and one evening a week.

I spoke with him about this and he went ape shit on me about it. He said that it's not fair that now that only his kids need someone home, I am not ok with him staying at home. Well there is an alternative, when all the kids needed someone, there wasn't someone who could keep all of them while we worked. I don't get to stay home with my kids, I have worked full time since mine were little and for the past 4 years, to support this family, including his children. I just feel like he is being very selfish to expect to get to stay home. His kids don't need 2 stay at home parents, they just don't.


For those who say this isn't fair to him, this arrangement was made when there was no other option, when we had 6 kids between the two of us that all needed someone at home. That is no longer the case, his kids can go to their mom's and my kids are fine at home. IMO he can't complain because at least he got to do this for the past 4 years, I was never afforded the opportunity because he simply didn't make enough to support us on his own. It's not fair that I work my ass off while he stays at home and there is no need for him to, his kids do not need BOTH of their parents to be stay at home parents, they just don't.

I am really surprised just how many responses I have gotten. For those who say he needs to stay at home and that it's "only fair" please explain to me why his 2 kids NEED both of their parents to be stay at home parents but that my 4 kids don't need their ONE bio parent at home (that is assuming that we all agree that someone in the household needs to make money). Also, why should our whole family make cutbacks so that DH can stay at home for 2 kids who are in school and only live here half the time anyway?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 9, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:05 PM

Of course.  If they need the money, they need the money.

Quoting Anonymous:

I assume you would say the same thing if the husband was the one demanding the SAHM get a job right???

Quoting Miller0305:

She's cranky because they are struggling financially and her DH doesn't want to step it up and get a job.  I'd be cranky too.

Quoting Pnukey:

Yes they do. You sound very cranky.

by Anonymous 10 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM

$90,000 isn't really that much especially with that many kids. My DH makes over 200k and sometimes it's still hard and we have 2 kids. 

Quoting Omd12:

What the hell do you do with $90,000 a year? I make 1/2 that support 3 kids and a house. Maybe you need a budget or to live with in your means.

Also ever think he's scared if starting a job again? Maybe he needs to go back to school 1st and learn job skills?

Quoting Anonymous:

There isn't a reason to wait another year, we need more money coming in now, we are barely breaking even each month

Quoting Anonymous:

Why not wait one more year

by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM
5 moms liked this
I don't blame him for being upset, maybe your kids don't need him home but his kids do.
by Anonymous 11 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I loved when I worked and my husband stayed home, he made sure all the work was done in the house and took great care of our daughter, I got to do all the fun stuff.  Now he works and I don't and does not expect me to get a job but would not stop me either.  I do enjoy being here when the kids get home.  I get all the house work done while they are in school, dinner is in the oven, they come home we do homework, eat dinner then spend the rest of the evening as a family.  If we both worked it would not be so easy.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:08 PM
7 moms liked this

I don't think it's fair that your husband has to give up part of his visitation with his kids over money. Why can't he just get a part time job and still keep his 50/50 custody? I think it's pretty shitty that you would even suggest it.

by Anonymous 12 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:09 PM

Idk but I pan to be a sahm forever.  Even when my kids are grown and out of the house.  I suppose then, I actually be a housewife, but whatever.  That being said, if you need the money then yeah he should, get a job,  in our house, we don't need two full time working parents.

by Anonymous 13 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:09 PM
7 moms liked this
Why was it okay to struggle while he was there for your kids but now that you say yours don't need him there, his don't deserve the same? What makes your children more important than his? You don't get to decide his children don't need him home. I know if I ever asked my husband to give up time with his daughter, he would go ape shit also. With good reason too!
by Anonymous 14 on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this
If you make 90K a yr and are struggling something isn't right.
Even at your kids age someone should be home. When the cats away the mice will play..
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:10 PM
2 moms liked this
He needs to find a job if you are struggling. If the tables were turned and it was him working, you staying at home, the women on here would be telling you to get off your ass and get a job...
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:10 PM
1 mom liked this

that was the agreement you guys had when you got married. Now all of a sudden you want to change it up on him ............ mind u i don't agree with him having to stay home full time. He can get a part time job in the evenings when you are home. 

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