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SO cheated and still wants to remain friends with the girl

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

update:  I am not a troll.  Apparently I was wavering on the edge of being just that stupid.  But I'm glad I posted, because you all are right.  Its hard, because before we got together we were best friends for a long time and he was never this way at all, but I need to remind myself that the man I knew is not the one standing before me these days. 

He texted twice yesterday.  Once with a heart, and I told him "I'm still "crazy", "insecure" and unwilling to support your friendship with the woman you cheated on me with. Be glad we're through.  Please leave me alone.
He texted later, asking me to come over and watch a movie, and I ignored him.  I haven't heard anything since.  He obviously isn't taking me seriously, and I agree with you all- I showed him the first time that he really didn't need toIts a shame, because eventually the anger and hurt will subside and I'll miss him, but I do need to respect myself more than this.  Thanks, all.

Before this happened, we were amazing- happy, fun, trusting, loving- I sincerely was head over heels with him, he was my best friend and lover and I trusted him completely.  We were talking about making a life together- moving in, marriage, etc.  Then he met this girl who was completely into him.  One night she went over his house with alcohol.  He said she was on a mission and that he just let her have her way, but that he was so drunk, it was so bad, it was empty compared to what we have, it was a mistake, he didn't want her, etc.  He said if I had only come over it wouldn't have happened. It hurt like hell but eventually I forgave him and we got back together. 

Fast forward two months.  We all went on a weekend trip, a whole bunch of our friends.  I had to leave early for my neiece's birthday party.  This girl showed up and apparently he spent the next days buying her dinner, holding hands, and yes, having sex with her.  I found out from her friend that this had happened.  He was texting me loving things all the same time texting her compliments about their time together.

Obviously we broke up again.  The girl found out about me and didn't talk to him either for a while.

We stayed apart for some time.  Then he began pursuing me again- swearing he wasn't that sort of man, he fucked up, etc.  I slowly began speaking to him again and recently we began dating again, but I am really distrustful and guarded.  Then I find out that he is still talking to this girl!!!  He says he's been clear with her that they are just friends, but she doesn't know he is dating anyone.  there is an event coming up where they will both be, and I'm afraid the same thing will happen again.  We fought about her yesterday and he says I'm crazy and wrong for "telling him who he can be friends with" and that he can't just stop talking to her because that would be rude.  He said my insecurities are incredibly damaging to our relationship and that he did not expect this insecure, jealous side of me.  I do love him, and I miss what we had, but I don't like the nagging feeling that when hes not with me hes with her.  Am I out of line?  Am I crazy for wanting him to cut off his cheating partner to continue a relationsdhip with me?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Replies (191-197):
by Anonymous 35 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:26 PM
No you are definitely not crazy. Dump him now and never speak to him again. He's a lying, cheating, manipulative loser who doesn't deserve you. Tell him that in front of his other woman when you drop him.
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Pssshhhh, I'd tell him to F*** off and leave his sorry ass. He's playing you. 

by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:30 PM

From what you have posted, it sounds like although he says he has changed, he actually has no intention of doing so.  Throughout this, he has tried to justify his actions.  First was the excuse "if you were here, it wouldn't have happened", to "I can't stop talking to her because that would be rude", finally to the excuse that "your insecurities are incredibly damaging to our relationship."  All of these are excuses to shift blame and to justify his actions.  The fact is, he is an adult and drunk or not, he chose to cheat and is choosing to maintain a relationship with a woman who he has slept with.  You have a right to question him, because his past actions dictate what his future actions will be.  He has given you no reason to believe that he can just be friends with this woman.  Please take a step back and realize that you need to find out what makes you happy.  Does this relationship make you happy?  Do you like not being able to trust him?  Do you like having him take no personal responsibility for his actions and instead making excuses and trying to rationalize his indiscretions?  Please do what you need to do to be happy and healthy.  Good luck. 

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:16 PM

I would drop him like a bad habit.  Once can be considered a mistake and I would think they are sorry.  But to do it a second time, shows that he has no remorse for his actions as he did it again!  He will not change at all and I bet they are still sleeping together.  He is playing you and you deserve alot better then him.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:18 PM

I would be so long gone...

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:22 PM
Cheating is a choice (that he made numerous of times) not a mistake.... Leave he bastard and find someone who truly says who they are... How many times does he have to prove that he's a cheater because he wants to be
by Anonymous 36 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:25 PM

You are not out of line. If he wants to be serious with you, he needs to respect the fact that he lost your trust and do what he can to re-gain it, and that doesn't include rubbing elbows with this girl at any events. You're not being jealous or controlling here. You have legitimate concerns about their relationship, considering he has cheated on you on two different occasions with her. 

For example, my husband and I have 100% trust in our relationship and we are not jealous people. I gave him my blessing in going hunting with his ex-gf a couple of years ago. I was friends with her, too, and trusted both of them. She got drunk and started trying to hang all over him, and told him she was still in love with him. He became extremely uncomfortable and left the fire, and went to bed. He told me about the situation when he got home. Considering I was friends with her, and she knows we have children, a family, I told him I would be uncomfortable with him talking to her and hanging out with her from this point on. He completely agreed, and hasn't spoken to her since because he respected me that much. He didn't even cheat, and he was willing to ban a friend from his life because her actions disrespected our marriage. 

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