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adoption..no bashing

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:08 AM
  • 19 Replies
I'm infertile. I've done meds and failed. I'm not sure if I want to do iui. I will never do ivf, I think its wonderful but not for me. I'd rather personally put the money into adoption because it can be 10-30k a chance but that's just me. Totally support ivf for others.

How can I get started with the process? Dh has adoption help at work but neither of us have insurance that covers infertility. I know I'm going to get bashed for this, but I want baby under 2. I'm afraid I'd be overwhelmed by an older child. I really want to experience babyhood and maybe that makes me selfish but I think I have as much right as a fertile woman. I feel if the baby had special needs, I could help it better at a younger age.

I have a degree in elementary ed, early childhood ed and special ed. Would that help me get chosen? I'm a sped teacher and hubby works in a factory so we aren't rich so I'm worried that will hurt our chances. I don't mind about the race, though I worry about how others will react. Gender doesn't matter. I want a semi open adoption. I am ok with sending letters and photos to birth mom and so the kid can get medical info if needed but I'd prefer a birth mom not being able to visit my child whenever they wanted.
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by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
matofour
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Find an agency. Start there.

Or if you are willing, foster to adopt. Either process can be very hard. There are benefits to both.
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storkneedsgps
by RoseTyler on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:11 AM
ADD: Are there any adoptive moms or groups here that can help me?
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baquick
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Start researching agencies in your area and then go through there :-)
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storkneedsgps
by RoseTyler on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:15 AM
I'm not opposed to Foster to adopt, I'm just terrified of getting attached and never seeing the child again. Its hard enough being a teacher and letting go of my students.


Quoting matofour:

Find an agency. Start there.



Or if you are willing, foster to adopt. Either process can be very hard. There are benefits to both.

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storkneedsgps
by RoseTyler on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:16 AM
I just so feel overwhelmed. There are so many scams.


Quoting baquick:

Start researching agencies in your area and then go through there :-)

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baquick
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Just do your research, stay local, ask for references and look them over really good. You might be able to contact your local health and human services or CPS for good referrals. Also ask around on fb. Maybe even the local courthouse.

Quoting storkneedsgps:

I just so feel overwhelmed. There are so many scams.




Quoting baquick:

Start researching agencies in your area and then go through there :-)

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
storkneedsgps
by RoseTyler on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:20 AM
That's true. CPs would know legit agencies.


Quoting baquick:

Just do your research, stay local, ask for references and look them over really good. You might be able to contact your local health and human services or CPS for good referrals. Also ask around on fb. Maybe even the local courthouse.



Quoting storkneedsgps:

I just so feel overwhelmed. There are so many scams.






Quoting baquick:

Start researching agencies in your area and then go through there :-)


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baquick
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM
That's what my grandma did when she adopted my mother. When 2 places gave her the same name she dug deepest into that agency. And my mother when she adopted out my brother.

You can also ask some doctors like the OB, your PCP or local planned parenthood. WIC might can help.


Quoting storkneedsgps:

That's true. CPs would know legit agencies.




Quoting baquick:

Just do your research, stay local, ask for references and look them over really good. You might be able to contact your local health and human services or CPS for good referrals. Also ask around on fb. Maybe even the local courthouse.





Quoting storkneedsgps:

I just so feel overwhelmed. There are so many scams.








Quoting baquick:

Start researching agencies in your area and then go through there :-)


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM
I don't think your selfish at all, I have a troubled teen (shes been removed from my home and her dads from the lies she has said when it's really because we punish her by removing her cell from her and Internet) and I feel totally sorry for putting another family into her/our troubles because she doesn't like to follow rules.
I'm not sure how adoption goes, I've never been in that position but I hear it is a hard experience as the birth mom can change her mind at first. Good luck! Do your research and be careful..
happykitty316
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I have 2 children from Ethiopia.  It's really overwhelming at first, especially when you are reeling from an infertility diagnosis!  Start by contacting a local agency.  If you can't find one online or in the phone book, call the state and they can give you a name.  You have to have a homestudy no matter what you decide to do, so start with that and it will give you time to explore different programs and figure out what will be best for your family.  We began with domestic adoption and switched to international after the birth mother changed her mind.  Our kids were 2.5 and 16 months when they came home - wanting a baby is not selfish, it's normal.  If you want to talk, or have specific questions, message me.

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