I don't even know how to really start this, but I need to vent somewhere. I'm really not looking for a pity party. Just in a situation that I never dreamed we would be.
Df and I have been living in our apartment for a year and a half. For the first part of it I was working outside the house. Then I had a medical thing come up that made it difficult to even walk most days. I found a couple kids to babysit and started staying home. In July both families moved away (due to military) and I had a real hard time finding new kids to watch. We have only one car so I couldnt go to their house, and I have two boys in school that I need to go to the bus stop for.
We were doing ok on rent, not the greatest but making it meet somehow. August comes and suprise!! I'm pregnant. We stopped ttc in May, and yet here in August I get a positive test.
Then df took a new job that promised to pay him more than he was making already. Yea that was a lie. After that bills have become impossible to make meet. We again somehow managed with borrowing from friends but its just got harder and harder. I've been looking for new kids to watch constantly with no luck.
Here we are now 2 months behind rent and the apartment left us a notice saying we had 3 days to pay or vacate. Not court papers, or anything offical. Df doesnt get paid until Friday, and while I'm now applying to anything and EVERYTHING outside the home...who's going to hire a 31 week pregnant lady? As it is, when this baby gets here we have close to nothing. We have a pack and play for her, I'm breastfeeding, I have a manual pump, and some diapers. No carseat, no clothes.
A friend of ours said we could stay with him for a little bit, but its cramped on space and I'll have to pull my 4 yr old from school which he loves(since he's in a special pre-k program, basically pre-pre-k and only 2 schools have it) and switch my 6 yr old to another school...and we don't even know for how long since we just *may* be able to find somewhere else we could afford better back in this one district. My 6 yr old doesn't do well with changing schools as it is.
Both our parents said they can't help. In fact df's mother suggested I give my boys up to their father and we just pack up and move to where she is in another state far from where we are at now. Just tear this family apart. Df loves the boys as if they are his own. And I'm supposed to be civil to her when she comes for a visit in April to meet baby.
I hate that this is my fault, that I couldn't help make ends meet. And now until baby is born there is nothing I can do. We are already getting foodstamps, and without a "plan" on how we won't end up in this mess again (ie me having a job or df finding a second job that would work with his hours, which wont work) emergency help from social services is out of the question. As it is df has been taking shifts left and right trying to get more hours. He already works 12 hr shifts all night, and sleeps during the day.
We dont have anything fancy, don't smoke or drink, don't go out with friends anywhere. Just work and sleep. We didn't even pay for Christmas, it was supplied to us from friends for the kids. Df and I didn't get a thing, just time together which is all we wanted.