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how would you deal with this?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

there is a problem with our landlord right now and the water. So we haven't had water for over 2 weeks. We go to MIL's house every other day for showers and to wash dishes and such.

Well FIL favors ds (2) but the past few times we've been there is starting to be all out mean to dd (4). SO's family is 100% Jamaican so idk if it is a language barrier dd cant understand FIL well. but he will say you dont listen like 10 times in a row even when she hasn't don't anything wrong yet. HE only plays with ds and will tell dd that ds is good and is doing the right thing and she is not. When we get there he goes right to ds and only says hi to dd he will hug ds and start playing with him while dd is left alone. I told DH about this and he said no big deal FIL likes ds better. Well last time we were there was the worst time.As we were leaving FIL said to dd you dont listen like 7 times even thought she had been out of time out for over 10 min and was in fact listing and getting ready to go. dd started to cry on the way to the car because "grandpa always says she is bad when we leave" and she doesn't want to go back there. Well i told her first he didn't say you were bad but that you dont listen and that she dose need to listen to be better. she said she was listing and getting ready but he still said it (she was right....) I told her daddy and I would talk about it later. So didn't want to call FIL so i called MIL and she was upset but then changed her mind to dd needs to toughen up....now today we need to shower but SO wants to wait till we get there to talk to them about what happened. I told dd we were going and she got sad and said she doesn't want to go....

now just so you know grandpa is fun and loves us over there he asks every time if we are coming the next day and asks us to stay over night. He is never alone with either kid he chooses to come in the kitchen and watch the kids eat and come down to the basement with us and play with ds. he doesn't discipline them at all i am always the first to reprimand the kids. 


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
robyann
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I feel bad for your dd....I would talk to fil and just let him know that your dd is feeling left out and like grandpa doesn't like her. Ask him to show her some special attention too. Just hug her and tell her he's glad she came over, then again when leaving have him hug her and tell her he loves her. You can't make him play with her more, but he should have to at least let her know he does love her. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:39 PM

examples of what he did the last two times we were there

we get there and he picks up ds and is asking him about school dd says they learned the letter P and he just ignores her. we are eating he comes in and stands behind DS and says how good he"s doing eating. DD DS and I were talking (I was doing dishes). DD starts talking to grandpa and he starts telling her jayden is sooo good he is almost done he's going to beat her eating and he's just a baby that she isn't behaving. she starts eating more but he is talking to ds and playing with him at the table so dd says hey watch grandpa ds can sing the abc's with me they start singing as soon as ds stops grandpa tells her to stop even though when they were singing he was smiling at ds and saying good boy. next time at dinner dd was almost done so she said to ds that she was going to beat him and FIL said no your good jayden your the winner.......ugh there is A LOT more too when we went to leave i told ds to hug FIL he ran away playing FIL went after him and hugged him. When i told dd she got sad and said no FIL didn't even put out his hands he just looked at her so i told her to just get on her jacket 

MooreBoysMama
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:40 PM
Is he your DH or SO???
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:41 PM


I know it's hard for him and i to understand each other that's why i wanted DH to do it but now i'm really mad at FIL and he doesn't even know it and DD doesn't want to go over there. By the way DD has tough skin she doesn't get her feelings hurt easily so when she was hurt (this is the first time her feelings were hurt enough to tell me/cry) i got really mad and i'm upset DH isn't taking this seriously 

Quoting robyann:

I feel bad for your dd....I would talk to fil and just let him know that your dd is feeling left out and like grandpa doesn't like her. Ask him to show her some special attention too. Just hug her and tell her he's glad she came over, then again when leaving have him hug her and tell her he loves her. You can't make him play with her more, but he should have to at least let her know he does love her. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:42 PM


both lol sorry lol we've been married a year......

Quoting MooreBoysMama:

Is he your DH or SO???



MooreBoysMama
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:43 PM
So you are married to him???




Quoting Anonymous:


both lol sorry lol we've been married a year......


Quoting MooreBoysMama:

Is he your DH or SO???





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:45 PM

yes i'm just used to typing SO on CM lol..............why does this matter to the post? does that change how you would react? They are bot DH's kids

Quoting MooreBoysMama:

So you are married to him???




Quoting Anonymous:


both lol sorry lol we've been married a year......


Quoting MooreBoysMama:

Is he your DH or SO???







Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:47 PM
My grandfather was like that with me when i was little too. We dont have a relationship. I feel bad for your dd
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:51 PM


he used to love her sooooo much we lived there when she was born till she was 4 moths old but he works a lot and so do we so we dont see him too much until recently.....i started crying on the way home i know people favor one kid over the other but not like this.....

Quoting Anonymous:

My grandfather was like that with me when i was little too. We dont have a relationship. I feel bad for your dd



ilovemykids323
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 4:55 PM

 i wouldn't take my kids around that if it was that obvious

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