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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Decreased visitation with the skids? (Edit)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 168 Replies
1 mom liked this

Pregnant with twins.  So excited!  Scared too, but thrilled to be a mama!

Unsure of how to set things up when they are born...  It is me and dh in our 3 bedroom home.  He has joint custody of his 3 kids from his first marriage, ages 9, 7, & 4.  Due to space limitations, time limitations, and stress, I think it would be best to ask the skids bm to keep them at her home for the first several months until things settle down for us and the twins.  DH can visit them or if they are healthy they can come over for dinner, etc...  

My friends are giving me mixed reactions...  Some think this is a perfectly reasonable request...  Others think I am asking for trouble.... What say you?


Edit:  Ok I give... not going to ask the skids to stay with their Mom.  Will just wing it and hope for the best.  I do not want to be a bad step mom... I love his kids and want them to be happy too...  Just feeling overwhelmed I guess.  Thanks for screwing my head back on straight.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:50 AM
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I think is is terrible to push his children aside for your new family
I guarantee if you do, they will resent you
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miss_lisa
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:51 AM
2 moms liked this
This. It's a terrible idea.

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

I think is is terrible to push his children aside for your new family

I guarantee if you do, they will resent you
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:51 AM
3 moms liked this

I think a several months is far too long. A few weeks and you all will be fine. For one, the kids shouldn't have to suffer or have their lives disrupted because you got pregnant. For two, they may end up resenting the new babies because they will feel the babies are causing them to lose time with their father. And third....bm probably won't like that idea and it will just cause tension between her and dh.

Two weeks and you will be fine.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:52 AM
I would ask that for just the first month they stay at bm while dh goes over there to see them. After that regular visits as long as no one is sick. Just stock up on hand soap and hand sanitizer and teach them not to touch babies till they wash and sanitize their hands
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:52 AM
5 moms liked this
Asking for trouble!! What would you do if all three of those kids were yours?? Would you kick them out?? I'm sorry but this is one of those situations that you suck it up and deal with it!! I understand babies are hard but you can't tell your skids too bad I don't want you around MY babies
tarakay0417
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I can see for a week or 2 but months. No, that is just asking for trouble. Besides I am sure the kids would like to meet their siblings.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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No No No,  don't be THAT step mom!  Doing this sends a very clear message that your blood children are and will always be more important than the step kids,  please don't do that to these children!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:54 AM
Um no. Not even the first month!!! What about people who have babies and have older kids! Do they ship them off somewhere for the first month?? Those kids should be equally as part of the family as your babies are. You do not uproot step kids because you start a new family. That's a terrible thing to do.
Lalalie
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I think it would be rough on the step kids. They might feel as if they are being pushed away as you make way for your new family. I understand at the same time though, because it will take time to adjust with two new babies.

I would talk it over with the step kids, make sure they understand WHY visitation is being decreased temporarily and I would still have their father going to see them, or even take them out to the park or something.

sarahfire
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:55 AM
Agree with this

Quoting Anonymous:

I think a several months is far too long. A few weeks and you all will be fine. For one, the kids shouldn't have to suffer or have their lives disrupted because you got pregnant. For two, they may end up resenting the new babies because they will feel the babies are causing them to lose time with their father. And third....bm probably won't like that idea and it will just cause tension between her and dh.

Two weeks and you will be fine.

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