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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it selfish?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok a little back story,  my DH got out of the Marine Corps about 2 years ago and when he got out he wanted to go back to Oregon where we are from and I did not.  Well he found a great school, and we ended up coming to Oregon.  But we agreed that it was only going to be for while he was in school then we were going to move back down south where I wanted to be.  Well while we are here, he decided that he wants to go to another school to further his degree, which I don't like but I agreed to that because school is very important. 

 Well he is about graduate with his first degree, and we have 3 more for his second, and he just landed his DREAM job.  Amazing pay, benefits, everything he wants in a job.  Which is great that will be great experience for when we move.  But now he is saying that he wants to buy a house here and just stay permanently.  And I don't want to.  I have followed him around for his jobs for the past 8 years and never really complained.  But I feel like it is my turn to get what I want.  But he says I am being selfish because he is the one working and I am a SAHM so I should just be happy with that. 

So am I being selfish in still wanting to move in 3 years when he graduates with his second degree like we have planned for the last 2 years?  I kind of feel like I am but at the same time I really do hate it here!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Replies (11-20):
my2boysandgirl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:18 PM
You are mad about something that is still 3 years away. For now you can buy a house and then revisit moving when it is closer to time.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:18 PM

I can see why you feel that way, but he's kind of right. You could be risking a lot moving your family away from where his career is. He's probably built up a lot of good contacts and a reputation. Its hard enough to land a good job, let alone get one where you don't know anybody. If you're unhappy, maybe you should try to get out into the workforce yourself. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:19 PM

 More than likely I will give in and we will stay.  But for me location is big.  Where we live now it rains 9 months out of the year and my ideal weather in southern AZ.  I am not happy here.  But I will learn to deal with it,  I have just been so looking forward to the move.

Quoting destiny2nv:

In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.

I would drop it, and you can always vacation

 

happinessforyou
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Just think, women in the 1950's had to just follow their men. We do have more choices now.

If you are not in school, not working, I guess you have to go along with the bread-winner. Try to find something you love about where you are at, you might be happier. Try to make the best of things if you can! GL

destiny2nv
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:21 PM
That last sentence says so much. I'm really not trying to be snarky, or rude. I understand what you are saying, but I don't think this particular issue is the one worth pushing. You should really sit down and talk about it. Make a deal and tell him that he has to stick with what he says.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I have never liked it here, it is cold and rainy most of the year and I just don't like it.  We moved about 8 hours away from all of our friends and family so we are in the same state but not exactly where we are from.  And I am not really mad, more disappointed because for the past 2 years we have been planning to move and now we just are not.  I do not have a career yet, we both decsided that I would stay home until our youngest is in school full time, then I would go back to school.  But we still have 3 years until that happens.


And I have tried to like it here.  It has been 2 years, but I still miss the sunshine!  I am just not happy here.  And he knows how much I hate it here and that is why we were only going to be here for him to finish school.  I won't break up my family over this.  I love him more than anything, and I will support him in this.  I just feel like once again what I want is being pushed aside.


Quoting momof2bears04:


If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.


I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.


This is just my opinion obviously.


 

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notjstasocermom
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:22 PM



Quoting destiny2nv:

In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.

I would drop it, and you can always vacation



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:23 PM

 I hate the weather here.  It rains 9 months out of the year and I hate it.  It is just depressing here.  I plan on going back to school when our youngest starts school.

Quoting Antonia464:

I can see why you'd be upset, especially if he is using the fact that he is the only one working to dictate your life choices as a family. At the same time though, I can see why he wants to stay. Solid future, good career, etc. Why exactly don't you like where you live? Maybe you could get in to some classes or something that would fulfill you and take your focus off of WHERE you live instead of HOW you live.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:24 PM

 I get that and that is why I came here in the first place but that does not mean I want to stay

Quoting Anonymous:

This minus living in the south. Dh is my best friend and partner for life. If he got a good job somewhere and we had to move I would. We live in the town I grew up in. Talk at work is that he could get promoted and transferred across the country. Will it be hard, yes. Will I be sad and miss my home town, yes. But we need to do what is best for our family and as long as we are all together, I will be happy.

Quoting momof2bears04:

If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.

I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.

This is just my opinion obviously.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Yes very selfish, be happy you have a man that is willing to work to better his career and provide for his family.
Lalalie
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:25 PM

This.

He has his dream job. That is wonderful! Great! Be happy for him, and be happy. It shouldn't be the place that matters. Just be grateful for all that you have, and for how hard he is working.

Quoting destiny2nv:

In a round of about way yes you are. He has his career. You gu s have made a life and a home where you are at. Why would you want to sacrifice so much for location? Its not the place that really matters. Its what you have. He has probably worked extremely hard to get where he is at, for you and the kids.

I would drop it, and you can always vacation


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