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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it selfish?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok a little back story,  my DH got out of the Marine Corps about 2 years ago and when he got out he wanted to go back to Oregon where we are from and I did not.  Well he found a great school, and we ended up coming to Oregon.  But we agreed that it was only going to be for while he was in school then we were going to move back down south where I wanted to be.  Well while we are here, he decided that he wants to go to another school to further his degree, which I don't like but I agreed to that because school is very important. 

 Well he is about graduate with his first degree, and we have 3 more for his second, and he just landed his DREAM job.  Amazing pay, benefits, everything he wants in a job.  Which is great that will be great experience for when we move.  But now he is saying that he wants to buy a house here and just stay permanently.  And I don't want to.  I have followed him around for his jobs for the past 8 years and never really complained.  But I feel like it is my turn to get what I want.  But he says I am being selfish because he is the one working and I am a SAHM so I should just be happy with that. 

So am I being selfish in still wanting to move in 3 years when he graduates with his second degree like we have planned for the last 2 years?  I kind of feel like I am but at the same time I really do hate it here!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:26 PM

 Thats the thing it is no longer in 3 years he doesn't want to go period.  Or I would be okay with it.

Quoting my2boysandgirl:

You are mad about something that is still 3 years away. For now you can buy a house and then revisit moving when it is closer to time.

 

Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:28 PM

 Yes, you are. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:29 PM

 Oh, I know that is what this boils down to.  And I am torn on this issue for that reason. 

Quoting destiny2nv:

That last sentence says so much. I'm really not trying to be snarky, or rude. I understand what you are saying, but I don't think this particular issue is the one worth pushing. You should really sit down and talk about it. Make a deal and tell him that he has to stick with what he says.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I have never liked it here, it is cold and rainy most of the year and I just don't like it.  We moved about 8 hours away from all of our friends and family so we are in the same state but not exactly where we are from.  And I am not really mad, more disappointed because for the past 2 years we have been planning to move and now we just are not.  I do not have a career yet, we both decsided that I would stay home until our youngest is in school full time, then I would go back to school.  But we still have 3 years until that happens.


And I have tried to like it here.  It has been 2 years, but I still miss the sunshine!  I am just not happy here.  And he knows how much I hate it here and that is why we were only going to be here for him to finish school.  I won't break up my family over this.  I love him more than anything, and I will support him in this.  I just feel like once again what I want is being pushed aside.


Quoting momof2bears04:


If that is where you are from then why do you hate it so bad? Maybe you are mad because things aren't going your way? Do you have a career? If your husband has found a job that makes him happy, supports you and your family then I would try my damndest to be happy too! Who cares where you live as long as you are with the person you love.


I live in the south and I love it here but if my husband gets a fantastic job somewhere else then I can be happy there too. As long as my family is intact.


This is just my opinion obviously.


 

 

my2boysandgirl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:29 PM
You also said that he has another 3 years if school. So go along with his plan now and try to talk about it later. Honestly if my husband found his dream job that supported us then I would support him 100%. You never know what might happen in 3 years.


Quoting Anonymous:

 Thats the thing it is no longer in 3 years he doesn't want to go period.  Or I would be okay with it.


Quoting my2boysandgirl:

You are mad about something that is still 3 years away. For now you can buy a house and then revisit moving when it is closer to time.

 


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mommytoeandb
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:31 PM

I can see why you would be upset.  I would table the issue until it is time for him to start job hunting.  If he can find another great position, then you guys can move.  If he needs to keep his job, then the point would be moot.  Three years is a long time and anything could happen.  

HotMommaStout
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:32 PM

You had an agreement and he is trying to break it. Furthermore, if my husband said what yours said about stay at home moms to me, he would probably be holding onto his testicles and jumping around howling in pain.

Antonia464
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:34 PM

The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are fixating. You still have some time. Revisit the issue with him later on. Even if you bought a house, you could sell it. Nothing has to be permanent. In the meantime, I think it'd be a really good idea for you to focus on the good and find some sort of distraction. Marriage is 50/50, but there are times where you really just need to look at the situation, take it for what it is in the moment, and find a way to make yourself happy.


Quoting Anonymous:

 I hate the weather here.  It rains 9 months out of the year and I hate it.  It is just depressing here.  I plan on going back to school when our youngest starts school.

Quoting Antonia464:

I can see why you'd be upset, especially if he is using the fact that he is the only one working to dictate your life choices as a family. At the same time though, I can see why he wants to stay. Solid future, good career, etc. Why exactly don't you like where you live? Maybe you could get in to some classes or something that would fulfill you and take your focus off of WHERE you live instead of HOW you live.




clippingmom
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:36 PM

I can understnd that. I grew up in the south and I love it. i ended up in michigan by no fault of my own. and have had to stay because of my own faults. My Dh is in Florida more than he is in Michigan and I want to move back. he says absolutly not. well I have 10 years and my youngest graduates HS. I am moving then. he can stay here. I need SUN lots of sun. I hate the cold I hate the snow. There is a lot more to our relationship issues than just that. but in about 10 years I am moving to the sun and never looking back.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Sorry I think it's selfish. You're not the one making the living. I could see if you were the one paying the bills, but since you're not. You got to stay where his job is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:50 PM

 Thank you for being nice, I am normally not like this.  I am usually go with the flow and it will all work the way it is suppose to in the end.  But I am just really frustrated with this right now.

Quoting Antonia464:

The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are fixating. You still have some time. Revisit the issue with him later on. Even if you bought a house, you could sell it. Nothing has to be permanent. In the meantime, I think it'd be a really good idea for you to focus on the good and find some sort of distraction. Marriage is 50/50, but there are times where you really just need to look at the situation, take it for what it is in the moment, and find a way to make yourself happy.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

 I hate the weather here.  It rains 9 months out of the year and I hate it.  It is just depressing here.  I plan on going back to school when our youngest starts school.

Quoting Antonia464:

I can see why you'd be upset, especially if he is using the fact that he is the only one working to dictate your life choices as a family. At the same time though, I can see why he wants to stay. Solid future, good career, etc. Why exactly don't you like where you live? Maybe you could get in to some classes or something that would fulfill you and take your focus off of WHERE you live instead of HOW you live.

 

 

 

 

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