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Is it selfish?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok a little back story,  my DH got out of the Marine Corps about 2 years ago and when he got out he wanted to go back to Oregon where we are from and I did not.  Well he found a great school, and we ended up coming to Oregon.  But we agreed that it was only going to be for while he was in school then we were going to move back down south where I wanted to be.  Well while we are here, he decided that he wants to go to another school to further his degree, which I don't like but I agreed to that because school is very important. 

 Well he is about graduate with his first degree, and we have 3 more for his second, and he just landed his DREAM job.  Amazing pay, benefits, everything he wants in a job.  Which is great that will be great experience for when we move.  But now he is saying that he wants to buy a house here and just stay permanently.  And I don't want to.  I have followed him around for his jobs for the past 8 years and never really complained.  But I feel like it is my turn to get what I want.  But he says I am being selfish because he is the one working and I am a SAHM so I should just be happy with that. 

So am I being selfish in still wanting to move in 3 years when he graduates with his second degree like we have planned for the last 2 years?  I kind of feel like I am but at the same time I really do hate it here!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Replies (31-33):
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:58 PM

I understand. *big e-hugs* I hope you feel better about it soon.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Thank you for being nice, I am normally not like this.  I am usually go with the flow and it will all work the way it is suppose to in the end.  But I am just really frustrated with this right now.

Quoting Antonia464:

The grass is not always greener on the other side. You are fixating. You still have some time. Revisit the issue with him later on. Even if you bought a house, you could sell it. Nothing has to be permanent. In the meantime, I think it'd be a really good idea for you to focus on the good and find some sort of distraction. Marriage is 50/50, but there are times where you really just need to look at the situation, take it for what it is in the moment, and find a way to make yourself happy.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I hate the weather here.  It rains 9 months out of the year and I hate it.  It is just depressing here.  I plan on going back to school when our youngest starts school.

Quoting Antonia464:

I can see why you'd be upset, especially if he is using the fact that he is the only one working to dictate your life choices as a family. At the same time though, I can see why he wants to stay. Solid future, good career, etc. Why exactly don't you like where you live? Maybe you could get in to some classes or something that would fulfill you and take your focus off of WHERE you live instead of HOW you live.

by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:08 PM

When DH and I moved to where we are now, we agreed that it would be for 5 years, max and that at that point we would leave, no matter what.  It's now been almost 10 years.  After 4 years, he got the job he's always wanted.  Am I thrilled with still being here?  No.  But things change.  We're in a different place than we expected to be.  I would still love to move, but instead of fixating on it and being miserable about it, I focus on the positive: DH has a good stable job, we live in a good neighborhood, our kids are in one of the best school districts in the state, there are lots of stores/services close to us, etc.  No, it's not fair, but life isn't sometimes.  

You said you still have 3 years before he finishes his degree.  Wait until that date gets closer and see where you are then.  The job may not turn out to be his dream job after all or he may be able to transfer to a different location.  A lot can happen in that time.  

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:19 PM
Maybe eventually you guys can compromise. For now, be happy for him! He's doing something great to provide for his family. Find something you like about Oregon and get comfortable.
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